My dear mom passed a month ago. She was in failing health since 2023. Lots of ER trips, hospitalizations, rehab, move to assisted living, etc. Now that she’s gone I feel exhausted having to talk to people who mean well in asking how I’m doing. I met a friend this morning and afterwards felt wiped out. Has anyone felt a need for just peace and solitude after a mom’s passing?
I would like to add this forum was a great resource for me over time. I learned so much!
Recalls a letter to Dear Abby, where a husband and wife patronized a medical facility for care for many years. Wife did nice things for some of the staff there. Wife passed. When the husband went back, the same staff that his wife was nice to and also bought food to, did not even know him.
He was upset, but Abby mentioned maybe this was their way of dealing with the death, and suggested for him to forgive them.
Personally, after my wonderful mom passed, many people she dealt with (even her sister) dropped off, except one wonderful couple .
I am sorry for your loss.
I did things with people but it was exhausting. It is okay to build up your strength. I needed a lot of peace and solitude for many months.
You can give yourself small check in times where you say after 2 months I will reassess if I'm ready to start spending time with others again on a more regular basis. Take your time and use grief counseling services to help you.
It's been 6 months since my mom died after taking care of her for over 6 years. I'm just recently starting to hang out with people or do "normal" things on a regular basis. I think if you push yourself you will burn out and crash and then you'll take a lot longer time to recover. There's no single way to grieve, nor a set time to do it in. In the past people wore black for at least a year to signal they were in mourning, and people knew to give them grace. They still tell you to avoid making any big decisions for at least a year after someone you love dies.
Please, give your friends some grace. They mean well. You are fortunate to have people locally who know you. I'd have given anything for this.
I did have one old friend from where I used to live send a nice present to me, Thank God for her. Thank God for far away distant friends on Facebook, too.
Once again, I am so sorry for your loss. Your close friends nearby love you, please allow them to support you during your loss and recovery. I promise it will make you feel better.
My fil’s hospital system was affiliated with the hospice mil chose. All their group sessions are open to the community, and whoever is running them should be able to refer you to a certified grief counselor.
So take this time now to take care of yourself, and don't be afraid to let well meaning folks know how you're really doing when asked. You don't have to pretend that all is well.
And if you need time to be by yourself, then just be by yourself. You get to call the shots now.
I am sorry for your loss.