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My dear mom passed a month ago. She was in failing health since 2023. Lots of ER trips, hospitalizations, rehab, move to assisted living, etc. Now that she’s gone I feel exhausted having to talk to people who mean well in asking how I’m doing. I met a friend this morning and afterwards felt wiped out. Has anyone felt a need for just peace and solitude after a mom’s passing?
I would like to add this forum was a great resource for me over time. I learned so much!

I was exhausted for 2 years after My brother Passed and got very sick for 2 Months . Take it easy and nap.Eat healthy . Get Into some nature walks .
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Reply to KNance72
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Yes, in a way you're fortunate. Usually people, medical, facility, some friends even, "drop off" after the death of a loved one.

Recalls a letter to Dear Abby, where a husband and wife patronized a medical facility for care for many years. Wife did nice things for some of the staff there. Wife passed. When the husband went back, the same staff that his wife was nice to and also bought food to, did not even know him.

He was upset, but Abby mentioned maybe this was their way of dealing with the death, and suggested for him to forgive them.

Personally, after my wonderful mom passed, many people she dealt with (even her sister) dropped off, except one wonderful couple .
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Reply to Beedevil66
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JoAnn29 Apr 11, 2026
They maybe did not remember her because they were not the same staff. Big turnover in nursing and side staff.
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DD

I am sorry for your loss.

I did things with people but it was exhausting. It is okay to build up your strength. I needed a lot of peace and solitude for many months.
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Reply to brandee
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Yes. I spend some time without seeing many people or talking to them much at all. It's best to take time that you need to recover so that later on you will be ready to rejoin the world, so to speak. You've had a great loss after a long time of caring for someone as they declined. That's a lot.

You can give yourself small check in times where you say after 2 months I will reassess if I'm ready to start spending time with others again on a more regular basis. Take your time and use grief counseling services to help you.

It's been 6 months since my mom died after taking care of her for over 6 years. I'm just recently starting to hang out with people or do "normal" things on a regular basis. I think if you push yourself you will burn out and crash and then you'll take a lot longer time to recover. There's no single way to grieve, nor a set time to do it in. In the past people wore black for at least a year to signal they were in mourning, and people knew to give them grace. They still tell you to avoid making any big decisions for at least a year after someone you love dies.
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Reply to SamTheManager
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Am so sorry for your loss. I cared for my Mom at home for years, too. And we had just moved to a new city right before she became bedbound, and most of my neighbors didn't even know she existed. I handled her death after a brief stay at a Hospice facility, with just Hospice, and her Primary Care Provider calling. Would have loved to have someone near by who cared or asked how I was. (Hospice was very kind to me, but they didn't "know" me, they were just following grief protocol.)

Please, give your friends some grace. They mean well. You are fortunate to have people locally who know you. I'd have given anything for this.
I did have one old friend from where I used to live send a nice present to me, Thank God for her. Thank God for far away distant friends on Facebook, too.

Once again, I am so sorry for your loss. Your close friends nearby love you, please allow them to support you during your loss and recovery. I promise it will make you feel better.
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Reply to QuiltedBear
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SamTheManager Apr 10, 2026
I understand what you're saying but some people need to disconnect for a time to gain their bearings and recover.
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A lot of hospices open at least grief groups to the community. Check into these, even if your loved one didn’t pass on hospice.

My fil’s hospital system was affiliated with the hospice mil chose. All their group sessions are open to the community, and whoever is running them should be able to refer you to a certified grief counselor.
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Reply to PeggySue2020
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Of course you're exhausted. Grief takes a lot out of a person.
So take this time now to take care of yourself, and don't be afraid to let well meaning folks know how you're really doing when asked. You don't have to pretend that all is well.
And if you need time to be by yourself, then just be by yourself. You get to call the shots now.
I am sorry for your loss.
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