My dear mom passed a month ago. She was in failing health since 2023. Lots of ER trips, hospitalizations, rehab, move to assisted living, etc. Now that she’s gone I feel exhausted having to talk to people who mean well in asking how I’m doing. I met a friend this morning and afterwards felt wiped out. Has anyone felt a need for just peace and solitude after a mom’s passing?
I would like to add this forum was a great resource for me over time. I learned so much!
So take this time now to take care of yourself, and don't be afraid to let well meaning folks know how you're really doing when asked. You don't have to pretend that all is well.
And if you need time to be by yourself, then just be by yourself. You get to call the shots now.
I am sorry for your loss.
I am sorry for your loss.
I did things with people but it was exhausting. It is okay to build up your strength. I needed a lot of peace and solitude for many months.
You can give yourself small check in times where you say after 2 months I will reassess if I'm ready to start spending time with others again on a more regular basis. Take your time and use grief counseling services to help you.
It's been 6 months since my mom died after taking care of her for over 6 years. I'm just recently starting to hang out with people or do "normal" things on a regular basis. I think if you push yourself you will burn out and crash and then you'll take a lot longer time to recover. There's no single way to grieve, nor a set time to do it in. In the past people wore black for at least a year to signal they were in mourning, and people knew to give them grace. They still tell you to avoid making any big decisions for at least a year after someone you love dies.
While the stress of caregiving is over you are now faced with a whole 'nother level of stress.
Dealing with the last of the bills that come in (and that can take upwards of a year)
Possibly finding "hidden" assets...that policy she forgot about, the one you found in the drawer.
Settling of the estate
Possibly getting a house ready to sell...clearing it out, cleaning it, fixing it....
Finding out who you are now that you are not a caregiver first and human second.
Trying to reconnect with people that have stopped calling you because you were always busy
Take some time for yourself.
Take a few weeks and find out what it is like to actually sleep for 8 or heavens 10 hours uninterrupted. that is when you can sleep through the night without thinking you hear her calling for you, or think you hear something fall.
It will take a while to hear what your house sounds like without the sound of a alternating pressure mattress, the sound of a moan, a groan.
Reconnect with yourself. And don't rush yourself. All of a sudden this is going to hit you and you will be in Grief Mode as well.
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