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My dear mom passed a month ago. She was in failing health since 2023. Lots of ER trips, hospitalizations, rehab, move to assisted living, etc. Now that she’s gone I feel exhausted having to talk to people who mean well in asking how I’m doing. I met a friend this morning and afterwards felt wiped out. Has anyone felt a need for just peace and solitude after a mom’s passing?
I would like to add this forum was a great resource for me over time. I learned so much!

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Of course you're exhausted. Grief takes a lot out of a person.
So take this time now to take care of yourself, and don't be afraid to let well meaning folks know how you're really doing when asked. You don't have to pretend that all is well.
And if you need time to be by yourself, then just be by yourself. You get to call the shots now.
I am sorry for your loss.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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I’m sorry for your loss. I appreciate how you’re feeling, because I had similar feelings. I took care of my 96-year-old parents for about two years. They passed six weeks apart in late 2024. I honestly have no recollection of what my husband and I did for Christmas and New Year’s Eve that year. I subsequently had multiple health issues for the next six months. I went through 2025 kinda depressed, but able to function. Toward the end of the year, I finally wanted to “get back to normal.” I joined a grief group, started exercising again and taking care of me again. We all have our own journey. Stay in touch with your feelings and your needs and give yourself grace. It’s a process and we are all different. I agree this forum was so helpful as I navigated the challenges of being a caregiver. Sending you a virtual hug.
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Reply to DeniseV
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Sorry for all you are going through. I get it. Mom passed at 94 in January. My husband and I moved from Hawaii to PA to take care of her for the last 6 years of her life. She was sharp but her body declined and it made her quite angry. The last year, she was in the hospital a total of 3 months. We had to move out of her house by April and making decisions about what to keep and move to the islands, was beyond overwhelming to me. We arrived in HI 5 days ago. I don't want to see anyone. A grief counselor told me it's "Grief Fog." Hang in there. You are not alone!
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Reply to Lisaderin
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I was exhausted for 2 years after My brother Passed and got very sick for 2 Months . Take it easy and nap.Eat healthy . Get Into some nature walks .
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Reply to KNance72
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I’m so sorry for your loss, and I can 100% relate to your feelings of exhaustion and not currently having the energy to interact too much socially. It makes perfect sense. I hope you are able to give yourself the grace of time to have whatever you need, be it some solitude or just a few deep breaths and less pressure to join in with plans unless you want to! My mom passed three years ago. Oddly enough, I did better immediately after her passing, and am having a rougher time now. I think immediately after the loss, I was still on “automatic pilot,” trying to keep pushing forward and getting things taken care of. The grief, emptiness and exhaustion are almost hitting harder now, with the obvious realization that she is physically gone, as is my role of being her caregiver. Sending prayers to you!
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Reply to BrendaLee23
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DD

I am sorry for your loss.

I did things with people but it was exhausting. It is okay to build up your strength. I needed a lot of peace and solitude for many months.
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Reply to brandee
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Let me start by saying how sorry I am for your loss. Please yourself some kindness during your time of mouring. You're going through a lot. It's okay if you don't want to keep explaining how you're doing and that you want some down time to rest. Let friends and family know this in an email or a group text that you'd like some time alone and that you'll keep everyone updated and will reach out if you need something and when you feel ready to start seeing people again. It's okay if you want to take some time off. The people in your life who love and care about you will understand.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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You've been through severe trauma the past few years, it's totally natural to be exhausted. There is nothing wrong with periods of quietness. Give yourself a lot of grace!!
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Reply to DaughterDoesAll
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Yes. I spend some time without seeing many people or talking to them much at all. It's best to take time that you need to recover so that later on you will be ready to rejoin the world, so to speak. You've had a great loss after a long time of caring for someone as they declined. That's a lot.

You can give yourself small check in times where you say after 2 months I will reassess if I'm ready to start spending time with others again on a more regular basis. Take your time and use grief counseling services to help you.

It's been 6 months since my mom died after taking care of her for over 6 years. I'm just recently starting to hang out with people or do "normal" things on a regular basis. I think if you push yourself you will burn out and crash and then you'll take a lot longer time to recover. There's no single way to grieve, nor a set time to do it in. In the past people wore black for at least a year to signal they were in mourning, and people knew to give them grace. They still tell you to avoid making any big decisions for at least a year after someone you love dies.
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Reply to SamTheManager
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I think many people think (that sure is a lot of thinking for this early!) that once your done caring for someone things just "poof" back to normal.
While the stress of caregiving is over you are now faced with a whole 'nother level of stress.
Dealing with the last of the bills that come in (and that can take upwards of a year)
Possibly finding "hidden" assets...that policy she forgot about, the one you found in the drawer.
Settling of the estate
Possibly getting a house ready to sell...clearing it out, cleaning it, fixing it....
Finding out who you are now that you are not a caregiver first and human second.
Trying to reconnect with people that have stopped calling you because you were always busy

Take some time for yourself.
Take a few weeks and find out what it is like to actually sleep for 8 or heavens 10 hours uninterrupted. that is when you can sleep through the night without thinking you hear her calling for you, or think you hear something fall.
It will take a while to hear what your house sounds like without the sound of a alternating pressure mattress, the sound of a moan, a groan.

Reconnect with yourself. And don't rush yourself. All of a sudden this is going to hit you and you will be in Grief Mode as well.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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