Mom refuses to go into long term care. She is rehabbing from hip surgery, rehab has plateaued and she is still a two person assist. Advice?

102 years old..like get a reality check..her body is super old and wore out. Less than 1% of the population lives to be over 100. Let her do what she wants and let the social worker organize nursing home placement. She will adapt to it.

my mom said for the first year I moved her in to a small board and care home facility was: go home go home go home go home....

Last time she talked was when I asked her my name, and she said her sister
s name, and I said No.. That was the last time she spoke...

It's hard, very hard, and you need to know YOUR BOUNDARIES. If you know you cannot take care of her and that is not in the best interest for her, you get her into a place near you, so you can visit with her often.

Know, that is okay.. Your mom has interests, and if you find the right facility, they may find fun things for mom to do... Bingo, games, trivia, art, activities, dance, music, etc etc...

If you think it may be better, get a doctor to say she is not allowed to live alone and she needs to move into a safe environment.

at one point, I told mom to use the telephone and call someone. She didn't know how to use the phone.... :(

I read this and thought it was my brother talking about our late mother. She fell daily and refused help. We removed the guns (she was an avid hunter) because she shot at the aide who came to check on her. She burned her necklace that notified us if she fell, if she got mad at you, which she did regularly, she wouldn't open the door. We had keys made to the gate and door. I and my husband made trip after trip to her home to pick her up from the floor and the yard at all times of the day and night. She constantly threatened to kill herself. Her last trip to the dr. office she said it to the dr. She was there to follow up on a fractured wrist from a fall. The doctor told her one more fall, one more threat and she would have her sent to a nursing home. She fell outside a couple of days later and I had to carry her to the ER. Her shoulder was out of socket and she fractured her other wrist. It was 2 or 3 days till Christmas and the doctor in ER said he was sending her home. I told him NO WAY! I called her dr whose office was adjacent to the hospital and had her talk to ER dr. Mom was admitted and moved to a nursing home right after Christmas. She never got to go back home. She refused to do any of the crafts or other things and loved her nurses one day, hated them the next. After a year and half, she had become combative and would refuse to ask for help for anything and falling again. She was put in a memory unit and swore everyone was stealing her stuff and all her phones. We took the phone because she had never used it. I had her clothes each week to wash. Her shoes were stolen but she was stealing things too. She was there until last Dec 18th when she passed following another fall with head injury. Even with the safety pad on the floor she would get up and try to leave. She climbed over their 10' metal fence once, thru the window once or twice and walked out the front door. It took 4 adults to get her back in that last time.
Mom was always one who would give you the food from her kitchen, the clothes off her back if she felt you needed it. But she was stubborn. I cared for her for about 2 to 3 years and still handled her home/finances after she was admitted. A week before her death, my husband was diagnosed with dementia leading to alzheimers. I am exhausted and know the time is quickly approaching when he will need more than I can give. He does get violent at times and all the guns were removed from our home because he is constantly plotting my death. He now just sits and stared at the tv and smokes. His muscles are failing from disuse, his glaucoma has taken all but about 10% of the sight from one eye. I am seeing the same thing with him as you are, I am trying not to feel guilty for being exhausted and wondering when if ever I will have a life. We can't take care of our loved ones if we don't have help and take care of ourselves first. You are not selfish, you are practical. I wish you the best. Don't let it destroy you. She needs a lot of care. And our children are not supposed to be our caregivers. We have made pre-arrangements for ourselves which include a nursing home. Please talk to her dr.

Ah yes, there comes a time, like say, when a parent is 102, when they no longer have a choice about where they get to live, due to the level of care they now require. Your mom needs to be in a Skilled Nursing Facility and you need to be OFF the hook for her day-to-day care now. Enough is enough.

I just got home from a very horribly stressful visit with my 92 year old mother who lives in Memory Care. She was in a fit-to-be-tied mood and argued with every single word I said. She wound up saying she'd be 'moving out and walking the streets' so I trotted right into the Executive Director's office to have a little chat with her about mother's behavior. The ED trotted right into mother's room to have a little chat with HER, which kind of let ME off the hook a bit, because now, someone else was taking responsibility for her, if you catch my drift. But hey, I get to go home after such a visit because she is paying $6400 a month for others who are trained properly to care for her and assist her with 100% of everything she does.

If my mother lives to 102 I shall literally SHOOT myself and I'm not kidding. God bless you for all you've done, and continue to do, for your mother. Please, my friend, get her placed NOW before YOU wind up being the one to go before HER.

I know the guilt is overwhelming, but your mom is no longer capable of making good/safe decisions for herself.  Think back to when you had small children...sometimes you had to make a decision that was in their best interest and they were probably really mad at you in the moment.  This situation with your mom is no different.  The roles are now reversed and you have to make the tough calls for your mom so that she is safe and well cared for. Most folks are not set up in their home with the equipment needed and the 24 hr staff to maintain an ailing persons needs.  You know what you need to do.  You are being a good son in making the right call. 
She is 102!  Wow.  Do you know that only 0.0173% of the population live to be 100?  She is lucky to have a son who cares about her well being and will find a clean, safe, qualified long term care facility to make sure she gets what she needs during her time left on this earth.

Don't feel guilty Jim.  Take care.

There's a book for new parents - What to Expect When You're Expecting. But I wish there was something for us who are taking care of our aging parents, to help guide us through the muck that comes with all of this.

I think it's important for you to remember that at 102, I'm sure she doesn't have the all of her faculties. When she says hurtful things and you are seeing your Mom saying them, it's hard to remember that mentally, she isn't really "Mom". Her not allowing doctors to take care of her and not having the abilities to take care of herself (which I'm sure doctors have signed off on) means that as POA, you can make the decisions for her and whether or not she likes them is, at this point, irrelevant.

Don't feel guilty about getting her into a LTC facility. It's where she needs to be for sure, whether or not she believes it to be so. She's not the first combative patient places like this have had and maybe once she realizes that this is the way it is, she will be less combative.

Hang in there, Jim. It's so hard, I know. While I'm not in the same boat as you, yet, I'm at the dock waiting to get in my own boat. It's hard, some days moreso than others. I hope, if you just know in your heart that you are doing the best for her because she no longer can, that will make your decisions easier. Prayers to you.

Don’t resign. Get her doctor involved. And put her in a LTC. Does not matter what she says. She is not capable of caring for herself. Would you let a three year old live alone in a house. Go once a week and take care of yourself

I was actually relieved whey Mom went to long term care. It was getting harder and harder for me to take care of her and she wasn't able to walk or even stand up on her own. She also had dementia but seraquel calmed her down. She'd still get mad at me but not like she used to. One morning I went to see her at the nursing home and she thought I was there to take her home. I told her I was sorry but I couldn't take her home. I told her that I couldn't take care of her. Then she said well if you're not going to take me home then get the hell out of my room. It was a bit upsetting but I learned not to let it upset me.

Jim, I was meant to see this post. My mom isn’t quite as old but she fell, had hip surgery, she’s in rehab and she is yelling and tried to hit someone. If she refuses physical therapy one more time, Medicare will stop paying. I think they are crazy now and not the mom we knew. I just hired someone to go sit with her - in the rehab where she has 24 hour care - because she is getting more anxiety which has to make it worse. I’m with ya, brother you are not alone. Doing the exact thing now. PS. The legal system won’t help you to much as far as declaring her incompetent. Apparently, they have to act like they have a lobotomy to qualify. Sadly, It is a waste of time.

There comes a time when people, regardless of the reasons, become nasty, maniupulative, violent, horrible behavior, etc. Ask yourself - do YOU want that in your life every day? Of course not. If you are a sane, reasonable soul you will put your foot down and stop it once and for all. The people are NOT who they once were - they are devils in people clothing and bodies. Don't give in and be guilty. They should be guilty - not you. Do not put up with this and place them so you can live a normal life and take care of yourself - do not let them destroy you and they will. Don't allow that. When they are like this, you no longer owe them anything. Those days are gone forever.