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Once in awhile I will take my mom out but it’s fairly rare. She 90 with Alzheimer’s. My sister is more comfortable taking her out to eat etc. and does so more often. Anyhow, when I do get her out of the house, if there are people with babies in strollers she’ll break away go up to them and start making kissing noises or blow kisses. People mostly try to be polite but you can see the cringe on their faces as people understandably are cautious these days. If she sees kids 50 feet away she’ll try to bolt over to them. My sister doesn’t see anything wrong with it but it makes me uncomfortable. Am I being unreasonable?

I've had this issue with care clients over the years. I did in-hoome caregiving for 25 years. If it's gotten to a point where telling her firmly to stop no longer works, then you will have to start planning outings more carefully and take her to places where there aren't going to be children or babies. If her town has a senior center it would be a good idea to have her join. They offer lunches for members and for an extra fee a guest too. So the two of you can still 'go to lunch'. They also have activities like bingo and other entertainments.

Your mother may also do well in adult daycare a couple days a week. There's socialization and entertainment and no babies or little kids around.

Your sister is wrong to think that people with babies and childrens just have to put up with a old stranger with dementia trying to kiss them and blowing raspberries or whatever they're doing. This can be terrifying to a baby or a little kid. No one should have to deal with that.

You are clearly more considerate of other people than your sister is. I can't tell you how many times I've been in resturants and some family drags their demented elder out with them. They expect the other diners to just accept or 'understand' the slopping food all over the place, the incontinence, and the outlandish behavior like when there's a baby around. It's not fair to the other people or the elder with dementia.

Plan your mother's outings more carefully if you're going to continue taking her out.

I also want to thank you for being considerate of other people. Especially children and babies.
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Anxietynacy Nov 15, 2024
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Maybe buy mom a beautiful baby doll so she can have a baby with her at all times?
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TouchMatters Nov 15, 2024
Yes! this is what I just suggested (not seeing your idea here). Gena
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I do think you're being unreasonable about what in reality is an innocent act of your mom just enjoying little ones. What's so wrong with that?
We have gotten so bent of shape over the silliest things anymore. I mean really....this should be a non issue.
If any parent doesn't want someone approaching their little ones I'm sure they would say something, but most parents I encounter enjoy having their children being made over.
People of all ages are drawn to babies and little ones(myself included), but if you've ever taken either a baby or young child into a nursing facility, just about all the older folks there get very excited and want to get a closer look and talk to them and even hold them if the parents allow. I think it's quite precious how the older folks interact with them.
I think you need to just let your mom have these small moments of joy as I'm sure she probably doesn't have many anymore, and perhaps you can even learn a thing or two from her.
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BurntCaregiver Nov 15, 2024
@funkygrandma

No, it is not unreasonable. Why should little kids or babies be upset and scared because some elderly person with dementia wants to get up close and personal?

Believe me, it is not precious when an older person comes up to a little kid or a baby to 'interact'. It really isn't. What it is is creepy and scary to a little kid. No one should take a baby or a little kid into a nursing home or memory care.

It's up to the person who is taking the older person out to keep them under control in a public place.

I remember when my son was a little guy and his dad and me would take him somewhere. He was beautiful and would often get the old ladies who would say what a cutie he was then move on. That's fine. The ones who can't be out alone anymore that start up with the kissing noises and trying to get close, are a different story. The person they are with is supposed to control them.
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Like already suggested , lock elbows so she can’t get away . The word “ No” works too .

I was that parent that got annoyed when an old person would touch , get too close to talk or blow kisses in my babies’ faces . My daughter especially would get frightened . Saying hello from a 3 foot distance was fine. But I found the elderly often want to touch a babies face or hand . NOPE.

None of us would randomly touch , or blow kisses to an adult stranger . We wouldn’t like a stranger doing that to us either . Give babies the same consideration .
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TouchMatters Nov 15, 2024
The word "no" may not work with a person inflicted with Alz.
It depends on the severity of the brain functioning. A 'no' could be responded to with the opposite behavior out of anger or frustration. Often we have to try out different behaviors to see what works.

Sorry this happened to you / your child. Thank you though for responding here. It helps to have your personal perspective/experience.
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What's so cringey about an old woman blowing kisses or making kissy sounds at a baby? Have we regressed to a place in society where showing appreciation for adorableness is now a worrisome thing to be paranoid about? As long as mom isn't trying to pick the baby up, I think you're fine. You can always tell the baby mom that your mom is suffering from AD and has a real love of children lately. Or hand out a reprinted card saying something to that effect.
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southernwave Nov 10, 2024
People for many years have stopped appreciating randoms going up to their kids and cooing over them.

One lady told my MIL off a good 12 or so years ago for doing it.
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If you are out with M in a place with babies, I’d suggest that you walk with your arm through her elbow, and slow her down if she starts a bolt. She can blow kisses when you both get there and you can reassure the parent. Probably her appearing out of no-where on her own in a bolt, is part of what would be a bit of a problem for parents.

Here we have quite tiny babies every week or two in the supermarket with M, eg the last one was 2 weeks old. I always ask M first if I can peek.
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MargaretMcKen must have read a different post than I because I see no mention of this mother behaving inappropriately. I never had to cope with an elder behaving badly fussing over my babies nor have I witnessed my own mother with dementia behaving badly towards babies, so why would I give my 2 cents about it?

"The look and smell of an elderly person with dementia......" Really? My mother smelled like perfume. Why must there be these awful stigmas associated with elders suffering from dementia?

Let's just realize we each have our own opinions about this, which we've expressed, and move on. 😊
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Oh man, I can see that being me in 25 years! The pull of a baby is subconscious and the response is visceral. With Alz added to the mix, reminders or warnings in advance probably aren’t going to make it any easier for your mom to resist.

I think distraction is your only hope for now.

A personal story: There was an elderly gentleman in mild cognitive decline who frequented our local grocery store handing out dollar bills to small children who were behaving well. My GD was the recipient of one of these dollar bills and my DD was a little bit taken aback. Luckily, I recognized him from other places around town and knew that he had somewhat recently lost his wife and had moved into an assisted living facility.

As disconcerting and perhaps inappropriate this may have been, it gave this sweet man a way to get a little exercise and fill lonely hours with something positive, in his mind anyway. He stopped doing it after a while. I don’t know if he was asked to stop but if so, I hope the management was kind.
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It's lovely to hear someone with a problem that isn't dire and earthshaking as we see and hear such sad stories on the Forum. This isn't one of them. So be thankful.

I think it is uncomfortable for you only if your Sister isn't bothered and if people, for the most part, are kind. If she is reaching at or for the children that's another thing, and visits then to any areas where there are children will have to be avoided. That should not be difficult.
Meanwhile, when your mom does this, simply comment gently and kindly to the mother of the children "My mother thinks you have a lovely family."
There's nothing else needed.
Your mother means no harm and is doing no harm.

I DO worry that this "breaking away" is somewhat concerning. Having at 82 taken a spill just yesterday I am reminded our balance is so precarious as we age, due to brain changes. I wouldn't want your mother to fall and sustain injury, so perhaps rethink taking her out, stay in and enjoy games at the facility or some such.
Best of luck.
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I understand both sides in this "argument" really.
I DO think if this woman is not easily controlled or well supervised then she should not be taken out of her facility.
Whatever our reasoning is (and I tend to side with the "are we REALLY this emotionally fragile" side of things) it is NOT OK to allow people to invade the space of others or to frighten them or their baby or the mother or whomEVER.
I think if this is not out of control, and the Mom can be gently told "We can't get too close to the baby mama; it might get scared, or mama might get scared" then it can be easily taken care of.
But if it can't be easily taken care of, it can't be allowed and mom has to stay in facility of away from where babies are.
It isn't OK to frighten others just because we ourselves aren't bothered.
Here in SF moms are ALREADY dealing with baby in the carriage, coffee in one hand, dog leash in the other, and having to text all the while. Throw in a granny and it's going to just be a mess.
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