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wearynow, when you are able we would love an update from you. Hope you are able to get her to the doctor today and get an accurate diagnosis!
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The swelling of her feet is not only from not walking. She probably has congestive heart failure of kidney disease. There is no need for an ultrasound of her feet. Her heart or kidneys problems are more serious than her feet.
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OMG! OMG OMG...Thank you all! I'm Calling her regular Dr tomorrow first thing in the morning & I will insist Dr see her right away. I had taken mom to a podiatrist to get her nails cut and she made the referral for the u/s, Mom has been eating & sleeping well, so I also hesitated for the u/s,. Her blood work every 3 months has been ok except for anemia which (runs in the family) & borderline diabetes. Thanks a million.


Is there a way to close this topic for discussion?
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My Mother has swollen feet. Refuses to put them up. I suggest, explain the reason behind it, then let it go. I have to do this with many issues or I'd go mad.

Is there any motivational 'carrots' you could use?

Please come WALK out to the kitchen, there is a lovely treat on the table for you... or out to to garden to enjoy the fresh air with me.

I sympathise for your situation. I am sorry I have no real solutions for you.
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If this were my mother's feet that were swollen and blackish, I'd call 911 and have the EMTs come over to the house to give you THEIR opinion on whether or not she needs to go to the ER for an immediate evaluation. Your mother is not competent to make her own decisions now, due to mid stage dementia, so it's up to you to do so for her.

This is not a matter for a Zoom telehealth meeting or a phone appointment; but an emergency situation that warrants a 911 call, in my opinion. You can apologize to mother LATER, after you find out exactly what's going on. If she wants to continue living with you, in your home, then YOU get to make certain decisions FOR her, whether she agrees with you or not. Period. Otherwise, she's free to move back to India and live life on HER terms entirely. Tough love sucks, but it also saves lives. Because if she winds up having her feet amputated, guess who's on the hook for her 24/7 care? YOU are. And that gives a whole new meaning to the intensity of what she's putting you thru NOW. (((Shudders)))))

Good luck.
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I'm no doctor but her feet may not be swelling due to her choice of footwear or cold weather, but rather from CHF or some other medical condition. Feet turning black is not a good sign either. First priority would be to discount more life-threatening issues. I would see if you can make a zoom appointment with a doctor so they can ask questions and actually see her feet.
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I am assuming she's been to the doc to have her feet looked at for them to order the ultrasound? My mom barely cooperates with exercising for me but does GREAT with a physical therapist. Can you ask the doctor to order a PT referral? Have they tried a diuretic?

To help the swelling, her feet need to be elevated above her heart. A wedge pillow might help, with her lying flat on her back with her feet up on the wedge.

Does she seriously want to be "left to her fate"? Talk to her about this a bit deeper, if she'll talk about it. Does she have a living will? Is she really ready to die? Not to be dramatic, but if this is untreated, who knows what it is and it is possible that it's serious.

I'd try fairly hard to get her to the u/s. Would some kind of a reward work for after? "I really want you to go to this appointment mom. Do it for me. Afterwards, I'll take you to the movies/shopping/dinner (whatever she'd like!) to show my appreciation."

When my mom's feet were really swollen, I bought a pair of shoes in a bigger size to get her through until they went back down. How about clogs? Crocs?

Good luck.
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