My mother is a very healthy 98-year-old who has been living with me for many years. The past two years have been so difficult, her dementia became violent and she hallucinated that the sitter and myself were trying to kill her. She no longer recognized me. She wanted to move back to her native country of France. I actually took her there to visit for 6 weeks and I almost lost my mind. She did not recognize the place or the family and screamed for the police to get her out of there. She refused to eat what I prepared because she thought it was poisoned. We came back home in what I can describe as the most difficult flight of my life and all she has been asking for is to go somewhere else where there are people her age.
I found a beautiful Memory Care a few minutes from my house and got on the waiting list. It took 3 months and every day she would pack her bags to go there. Finally we moved her in and once she was there she wanted to leave and go back home (meaning France). It has been three weeks and it's been a very rough start. The first night, the nurses aide came to change her and my mother refused. The aide got very rough with her and forced her on the bed and forcefully changed her. Thankfully I have cameras and was able to see this and report it immediately. She was fired on the spot.
Now my mother gets aggressive and screams and kicks any time someone wants to change her, put her in bed, etc. She has "forgotten" to speak English and only speaks French to the helpers and to the other patients. She says she does not understand English at all. We have lived in the US for 50 years, she spoke English all that time. She is on Seroquel and an anti anxiety med.
I am at a loss of what to do. I visit her every day, bring her gifts, nothing works. Surprisingly, she now recognizes me as her daughter. I am considering bringing her back home with me but I am afraid she will do the same here. Any suggestions?