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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mother's Day is about you and Mom, your relationship especially now so how about something meaningful to both of you. Maybe a photo of the two of you either from the past or now or re-framing a special one. Maybe a special little box for her ring's or jewelry that's important to her but maybe doesn't fit now or she has to take off often for some reason. If plants or flowers have always been your tradition maybe a small plant that doesn't need a lot of upkeep but can sit in her room and be cheery. Whatever the material gift it doesn't have to be extravagant and should take a back seat to spending some quality time with her, take her out to lunch or dinner or bring a special one in. If the weather is nice enough get her outside, get both of you outside, have tea and crumpets! Maybe dress her up with a corsage if church and dressing up to go out was part of her tradition for Mothers Day in the past, even if you aren't actually going out to eat you could set up a meal in a different spot and use a tablecloth.... Whatever you decide make it something that's meaningful and enjoyable to you too, she will get the benefit in the moment and if she losses the time later you will still have it for both of you.
I always got my mom flowers to plant in her garden and pots when she was still in her house, so this year I have to rethink. I'm bringing her here to my house today for a small birthday dinner with presents (summer clothes) and for Mothers' Day I will get her new slippers and lotion. Since all the ladies at the assisted living will be celebrating Mothers' Day, I'll not need to take her out, but maybe take flowers for the table so all of them will have colors and fragrents to enjoy. There are only 6 ladies there right now.
I have had the same problem! My mother has had everything and wants nothing. BUT she love Shrimp Cocktail and will suck it down like a Dyson Vacuum. SO I now just get her her favorite food:)
There are a lot of good ideas here. This year will be the first that we are celebrating Mother's Day in the memory care facility where Mom now resides. I, too, was trying to figure out what would be best. I like the idea of fresh flowers that can be thrown away after a time to reduce clutter. I also was thinking I could bring dinner in and have it in the family dining area - maybe include some of her new friends with us. She likes those soft throws that she can use when she's sitting in her recliner and she loves new pjs!
I went to the dollar store and got some of the brightly colored spiny rubber toys with a marbley thing inside and when you tap it, it lites up. I have several in her walker, and several around where she can reach them. I find she gets comfort from the flashing lights and the softness of the toy. Everywhere I go I am constantly looking for anything that will benefit J.
Put together a little book of pictures of her parents and family as a child, another of her wedding and younger years. Did she travel? Pull those pictures into another picture book. There are some wonderful app services now so you can curate, crop and caption each picture and have printed into an actual book. Think about her happiest times and recapture those memories for her.
If you still have it, or can find it, give her something you already gave her when you were a child. A school project on construction paper with your picture on it; or a plaster cast of your hand written on it says Happy Mother's Day in your childhood printing.
I agree with one of the other posters. Yeah, I am sure she does wear the same clothes every day. That's quite common.
This is what I bring to my 91 year old mother.
Really soft nightgowns, pajamas or bathrobes (bathrobes with snaps or zipper, and not too long), in the colors she likes. She may not seem to care, and resist at first, but I bet you will be surprised when she starts wearing them.
Same for just short or long sleeved tops, in the colors she likes. Elderly people especially with dementia tend to wear the same clothing day after day. But, they also get those clothes stained and they don't see the stains. Every 3-4 months, I bring my 91 year old mother a couple of black or white or black/white striped long sleeved cotton hip length tops......all cotton, or maybe 80% cotton and 20% polyester, just to make sure she has what she wants; and she always wears them. And, then I can get rid of the ones that have stains that cannot be removed.
Also, pull up pants. You may need to get them shortened but you can get all cotton or almost all cotton in black or navy usually at Walmart.
I happened to just be reading thru here - I'm an elder not yet needing care but reading to learn what may lie ahead. I loved all your suggestions for your Mom. This aging thing creeps up on one and you sound like you really understand it.
I'm a bit stuck too. No VD diagnosis (but signs are there after stroke). Hemiplegic & I can't drive her anywhere. In denial about incontinence too.
I've bought a colourful card & will get a colourful bunch of flowers. Don't thinks she's ever been a flowers sort, but won't use any nice soap (refuses showers, lol) & will only wear the same clothes - exactlly the same clothes every day.
Cake & balloons for birthday - card & flowers for Mother's Day. See how that goes...
I hear you! At 84, my mother thinks the nice stuff "is to use for special occasions." Well, Ma, wouldn't this be one of those?? (And I think to myself, there won't be many more left so...) Mine, too, thinks flowers are useless and doesn't shower frequently and is SO picky about her clothes, we're bringing old ones we found in her house she hasn't seen in years so she thinks they are new.
Near by? Take her to lunch. Far away? a phone all every day that week, saying you lover her. and tell a short story. sned her a card every day, and at the end of the week, send her some shari's berries or someting.
It all depends on how mobile Mom is when taking her out. I would say a little corsage she can wear for the day. A little pot of flowers. Moms NH had an area the flowers could be planted. Some places have dinner where family can be included.
Just spend time with her and do something therapeutic.
Go go somewhere she used to enjoy, look at photos and discuss (even if you are doing all the talking), eat foods that she loves.
I always loved taking my mom my mom to a beautiful park. We used to walk together. When she got older, we would sit on a bench instead. She felt better there.
Mothers Day is extremely painful when your mother has passed. Savor every beautiful minute, even if it is not as perfect as it used to be.
Take her out to eat, or bring in her favorite thing to eat. It is required to eat, but "things" aren't, and they won't mean a thing afterwards, but that meal will keep her going for little while longer!
It's not my mom who has dementia, but, I still usually get my LO (cousin) gifts for the holidays and special occasions. With the memory being so poor and her ability to really use items limited, I go with things like: nice temperpedic pillow, super soft night gown, lavender scent body lotion, comb/hairbrush set, treats for her and other residents on her wing. (I arrange with the facility to provide their snack one day like cookies and ice cream. They all seem to enjoy it.) And, at one time, she liked the balloons that I brought.
A colorful bouquet of fresh cut flowers. They liven up a room, and have a nice scent. They can also be thrown out after being enjoyed, and don't add to the clutter.
Agingparents3, one year I bought my Mom one of those super large Mother's Day cards, they are usually 1 foot by 2 feet. She got the biggest kick out of that. The card could be set anywhere in her room and she could still see it ;)
I struggled with this when my mom's vascular dementia started worsening. Holidays are meaningless to her now, but I don't like to skip them. Instead of buying her something now, I take her out for a long drive and we have lunch and just spend time together. I spend time with her all the time, but I try to make this day especially about making memories - really memories for myself.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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This is what I bring to my 91 year old mother.
Really soft nightgowns, pajamas or bathrobes (bathrobes with snaps or zipper, and not too long), in the colors she likes. She may not seem to care, and resist at first, but I bet you will be surprised when she starts wearing them.
Same for just short or long sleeved tops, in the colors she likes. Elderly people especially with dementia tend to wear the same clothing day after day. But, they also get those clothes stained and they don't see the stains. Every 3-4 months, I bring my 91 year old mother a couple of black or white or black/white striped long sleeved cotton hip length tops......all cotton, or maybe 80% cotton and 20% polyester, just to make sure she has what she wants; and she always wears them. And, then I can get rid of the ones that have stains that cannot be removed.
Also, pull up pants. You may need to get them shortened but you can get all cotton or almost all cotton in black or navy usually at Walmart.
I've bought a colourful card & will get a colourful bunch of flowers. Don't thinks she's ever been a flowers sort, but won't use any nice soap (refuses showers, lol) & will only wear the same clothes - exactlly the same clothes every day.
Cake & balloons for birthday - card & flowers for Mother's Day. See how that goes...
Go go somewhere she used to enjoy, look at photos and discuss (even if you are doing all the talking), eat foods that she loves.
I always loved taking my mom my mom to a beautiful park. We used to walk together. When she got older, we would sit on a bench instead. She felt better there.
Mothers Day is extremely painful when your mother has passed. Savor every beautiful minute, even if it is not as perfect as it used to be.