I am not equipped to give him the care he needs. We are not married. I'm 76 and in the process of moving. His Medicare has run out. Before he was in a home, I took care of him for years without any help from his son or daughter. I took him food shopping, doctor's appointments, did his bills, etc. The home won't release him unless he has night and day care. He is incontinent and needs constant bathroom care. His kids want him to stay with me until they find another place. I hate to see them put him in a terrible place. I feel guilty that I have to say no to his kids. What can I do?
If you want to try to help, set specific boundaries, like “I can plan to visit from 1:00 to 4:00 on Fridays for the first two months. I’ll try to give you 24 hours notice if I need to cancel. I can’t be there on the Friday after Thanksgiving.”
If he lived with you or had stuff at your old place, you should probably be cooperative in returning his stuff or you can offer to safeguard a couple of boxes of papers, photos, and momentous for a limited time if that feels right.
Even if you are his POA, you do not have any obligation to provide hands on care or a place to live in your home. You’d need to manage his funds for his benefit (likely including LTC admission paperwork SIGNED as POA), or resign and notify those effected (hopefully including a successor).
Be clear with the discharge planner that you cannot do hands on care or provide a place to live.
Facility to facility transfers are easiest because his need for NH-level care is already established.
Onice he gets discharged to a private home, you are back to square one and need to deal with waiting lists that can be YEARS long.
Once he's back with you they will stop looking for another place.
If they want him at home, then he can live in theirs.
They’ll say they will help if you take him home; I’m sure you know that is an empty promise.