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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Dad might enjoy being a member of a civic club such as Civitan, Kiwanis, or Rotary. They welcome older members and get them involved in things that the club does, such as helping put flags up at businesses around town on holidays, and working at club fund raisers, such as barbecues and garage sales. They might meet twice a month or so for lunch at a restaurant for a business meeting and entertainment. Another member might provide transportation for dad if he needs it. I've known lots of people who participated in civic clubs, some of them 50-year members! It must be fun or they wouldn't last that long.
If Loneliness vs declining adls is the issue, you might consider hiring a companionship aide. Given that you’re not there, it would be best to work with an agency to find this person.
LISTEN TO GEATON! I cannot emphasize how important it is to have your dad close to you; close enough so you can be there with 5 minutes to half hour out. He'd rather be with you, close to family.. You said his friends and his community is shrinking..hopefully this would be a fresh start; a new beginning.,, Talk with him now and start the discussion.
i moved my aunt down the street. She was able to take her walker and walk up to my home.. I moved my mom close to me. It helped out my stress. When their needs changed, more hands on, I moved them both into one board n care.. a one-stop shop..8 minute drive..
my friend moved her great aunt from back east to her state in the west, what a move! But it helped them both out. You can't really take care of a loved one long distance. It just doesn't seem to work as well, for both parties. When you are in the sandwich of life caring for your elders, and your kids, and wanting to see your grandkids can become overwhelming., being close by distance is so worth it. Please move dad closer to you. Please start looking for Dad's new dr by you, look at assisted living places by you. Start conversations with dad, and figure the best time to move him. PLEASE CONSIDER GEATON's message.
You do not mentionhow old Dad is. If he has the money, he may do well moving to an Assisted living. He will have a nice room to himself, a bath and a kitchenette. He will be able to go down to a dining room for meals. There are activites, outings and socialization. Aides to help him with his ADLs. He gets his laundry done and his room cleaned.
Adult Day Programs. Your local Senior Center probably has plenty going on and many have day trips they arrange. My local Senior Center asks for Volunteers that can make calls to members that are homebound. A phone call checks in on them and gives a bit of conversation to an otherwise quiet day. He could be a Volunteer or he could be one getting a phone call. If he is able Schools need volunteers to help teachers, some schools hire monitors for lunch room and playground.
Since elders like your Dad have very few things they are now able -- and willing -- to do, becoming their Entertainment Committee will just burn you out because they have a lot of hours of every day to fill up.
Also, maybe he is depressed? This is extremely common in elders, and especially those who have experienced loss. Please consider getting him to his PCP to discuss meds to help him.
And, sometimes short-term memory impairment causes them to feel lonely or bored because they don't remember they were just "entertained".
The best solution would for him to transition to a good, reputable AL that has a continuum of care and an Activities Director who schedules weekly events. Many facilities have this. At some point your Dad won't be able to live on his own anymore. That day is coming quickly. What is his plan for this? What's your plan for when this day comes? Don't wait for a crisis to make decisions -- you will cut down his options for a sustainable solution. If you are his only child, the logical thing would be for him to move close to you (and not the other way around). He won't like this idea, but you won't like having to pull up stakes on your own established life and move, only to find it still won't make him "happy" or solve all the problems that come with age-related decline.
If your Dad doesn't have a PoA, then I strongly suggest you or someone (if you have siblings) start working on this asap so that when the inevitable happens (he can't live on his own anymore) then the PoA can step up to find solutions.
It looks like assisted living near me is the move...unfortunately it can get a little pricey, but I will ask around the family to sort something out and support him financially.
If he has “a church community”, let them know that this is the time he needs them. Their community needs to give back to the people who have given in before.
Is there a senior center nearby that has social activities? Perhaps they have outings to museums or stores or parks? Small day trips? it may be too soon for him.. Baby steps..
do any of the gyms nearby have excercise classes for senior citizens?
sometimes local parks do. Check his library, sometimes they will post activities on their website. As will city halls. Is he healthy and physically fit to do physical activity like perhaps Pickleball lessons, bowling or getting into a chess or backgammon group? Is there an Elks club nearby. Perhaps you can check that out and have a tour and see if he wants he to join the club.
My dad was deeply lonely after my mom died. It only got worse with continued losses of other family and friends. He did volunteer work at several places, was involved in many church activities, went to the local seniors center for lunch and activities, and went to the fitness center for seniors. Later, as his own health declined, he spent hours on the phone catching up with people. He also took Zoloft to help with the sadness. It was a big help. Encourage your dad to get out and become involved in his community and reconnect with those he knew in the past, from work or other places. Ultimately it’s on him to make the effort. Know that antidepressant medication can make a positive impact
This experience feels very similar to whats going on....minus the Zoloft.
Thank you for the advise. He is unfortunately losing a lot of friends from age-related issues too - he was involved with his community (loved golf) but also his physical health is declining...
Aside from the Zoloft, what else did you recommend/do? I'll look into getting him some, but unfortunately he is quite anti-drug.
Do not disrupt your life and move in order for him to become dependent on you.
There is so much he can do. Volunteer, for anything. Sign up for a class, of any kind. Go to a senior center -- just about any community has one, whether open every day or on certain days of the week. Libraries have book clubs that meet in person. Animal shelters can sometimes use volunteers. Many McDonald's locations have Romeo groups -- Retired Old Men Eating Out! Usually at breakfast. Sitting in a park, he might begin to recognize regulars. You might look for local grief support groups, where he could meet with others who have lost their spouses. Along with meeting the people there, they can advise him on how to find new friends.
Do you need “to look after him”? Would that be good for you? Or in fact good for him?
Talk to him about how he can move on to looking after himself. If he reads, take himself down to the library. If he likes to talk, find out about a seniors chat group. If he is capable, volunteering he can do. Perhaps the best you could do is to ask for a weekly report from him about what he has done to rebuild his own life. It might give him the incentive to sort things out a bit.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
He'd rather be with you, close to family..
You said his friends and his community is shrinking..hopefully this would be a fresh start; a new beginning.,,
Talk with him now and start the discussion.
i moved my aunt down the street. She was able to take her walker and walk up to my home.. I moved my mom close to me. It helped out my stress.
When their needs changed, more hands on, I moved them both into one board n care.. a one-stop shop..8 minute drive..
my friend moved her great aunt from back east to her state in the west, what a move! But it helped them both out. You can't really take care of a loved one long distance. It just doesn't seem to work as well, for both parties.
When you are in the sandwich of life caring for your elders, and your kids, and wanting to see your grandkids can become overwhelming., being close by distance is so worth it. Please move dad closer to you.
Please start looking for Dad's new dr by you, look at assisted living places by you. Start conversations with dad, and figure the best time to move him.
PLEASE CONSIDER GEATON's message.
Your local Senior Center probably has plenty going on and many have day trips they arrange. My local Senior Center asks for Volunteers that can make calls to members that are homebound. A phone call checks in on them and gives a bit of conversation to an otherwise quiet day. He could be a Volunteer or he could be one getting a phone call.
If he is able Schools need volunteers to help teachers, some schools hire monitors for lunch room and playground.
Also, maybe he is depressed? This is extremely common in elders, and especially those who have experienced loss. Please consider getting him to his PCP to discuss meds to help him.
And, sometimes short-term memory impairment causes them to feel lonely or bored because they don't remember they were just "entertained".
The best solution would for him to transition to a good, reputable AL that has a continuum of care and an Activities Director who schedules weekly events. Many facilities have this. At some point your Dad won't be able to live on his own anymore. That day is coming quickly. What is his plan for this? What's your plan for when this day comes? Don't wait for a crisis to make decisions -- you will cut down his options for a sustainable solution. If you are his only child, the logical thing would be for him to move close to you (and not the other way around). He won't like this idea, but you won't like having to pull up stakes on your own established life and move, only to find it still won't make him "happy" or solve all the problems that come with age-related decline.
If your Dad doesn't have a PoA, then I strongly suggest you or someone (if you have siblings) start working on this asap so that when the inevitable happens (he can't live on his own anymore) then the PoA can step up to find solutions.
It looks like assisted living near me is the move...unfortunately it can get a little pricey, but I will ask around the family to sort something out and support him financially.
PoA is already sorted :)
Also has church community, but his health means he is spending less time with them.
Perhaps they have outings to museums or stores or parks?
Small day trips?
it may be too soon for him..
Baby steps..
do any of the gyms nearby have excercise classes for senior citizens?
sometimes local parks do. Check his library, sometimes they will post activities on their website.
As will city halls.
Is he healthy and physically fit to do physical activity like perhaps Pickleball lessons, bowling or getting into a chess or backgammon group?
Is there an Elks club nearby. Perhaps you can check that out and have a tour and see if he wants he to join the club.
He still can do some things (coaches golf once a week), but gets tired very quickly.
Senior centre is a great idea - thanks
How long has it been since mom
passed away?
Grieving time is different for everyone.
i am sorry for your loss..
tell dad about this website. It may help
him to understand he is not alone in this world of loss..
it has helped me..
is dad close withany neighbors:friends close by?
neighbours and friends nearby who help, but unfortunately they are getting old too...many of his friends have passed away.
Thank you for the advise. He is unfortunately losing a lot of friends from age-related issues too - he was involved with his community (loved golf) but also his physical health is declining...
Aside from the Zoloft, what else did you recommend/do? I'll look into getting him some, but unfortunately he is quite anti-drug.
There is so much he can do. Volunteer, for anything. Sign up for a class, of any kind. Go to a senior center -- just about any community has one, whether open every day or on certain days of the week. Libraries have book clubs that meet in person. Animal shelters can sometimes use volunteers. Many McDonald's locations have Romeo groups -- Retired Old Men Eating Out! Usually at breakfast. Sitting in a park, he might begin to recognize regulars. You might look for local grief support groups, where he could meet with others who have lost their spouses. Along with meeting the people there, they can advise him on how to find new friends.
Talk to him about how he can move on to looking after himself. If he reads, take himself down to the library. If he likes to talk, find out about a seniors chat group. If he is capable, volunteering he can do. Perhaps the best you could do is to ask for a weekly report from him about what he has done to rebuild his own life. It might give him the incentive to sort things out a bit.