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He has been living with my husband and I for about a year, but doesn't want to pay for caregivers and his manipulation is becoming too draining on us. When I talk about going to a nursing home, he threatens to move back to another state. Can Social Services come in and analyze his physical condition?

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Tell him he needs to move out and give him a date. Give him the brochures for several assisted living facilities and tell him he can choose. If he wants to move back to another state. let him. Do you have his POA? If so, you can move him. If not, you can call Adult Protective Services and tell them that he will be leaving your home but is unable to care for himself so they will need to place him somewhere.

Good luck, this sounds very frustrating. But you should not have to continue with a manipulative, selfish senior ruining your home life and affecting your health. Let us know how it goes.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to MG8522
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Time for getting blunt with dad. We reached this with my dad, not exactly the same situation, but we acted like we had far more power than we actually did and told him he had to accept hiring a helper or moving to assisted living, no other choice. He relented unhappily and hired a helper. She proved to be a godsend but had he lived much longer a new plan would have been necessary. Your dad is past getting to refuse, it’s very uncomfortable to be what feels rude and blunt with a parent you’ve been taught to respect, but it’s required to make progress on a feasible plan. If he moves states, highly unlikely, be impressed
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Let him move to another state, though if he's not physically capable of caring for himself, how does he think he can handle the move all by himself as you and your husband won't and shouldn't help him one bit.
I think if you call his bluff and tell him ok it's time for you to move out whether it be to another state or not, but make it clear that you won't be helping him, he may come to the realization that he can't handle a move and be more willing to either pay for full-time care or even to move into an assisted living facility nearby.
It's your home, you get to call the shots. Don't forget that.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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He may threaten to move back to another state, but can he? Is he physicially and mentally able to handle the move and the logistics? The next big question is do you have powers of attorney, and is he incompetent to handle his own affairs? Or does he just need more care than you're able to continue to provide?

If he can handle a move, if he's not incompetent (whether you have POA or not) you have to lay down the law. He either hires caregivers as his contribution to your household or he leaves. If he goes back to his former state you can have APS and whoever else do occasional wellness check and evaluation but not much else. People are free to make poor decisions until they're bad enough to be judged legally incompetent.
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Reply to Slartibartfast
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