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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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The mere diagnosis of dementia does not automatically mean that someone is non compos mentis or that he lacks testamentary capacity. It may not be too late to have your husband execute a durable power of attorney or an advance directive or even a new will or codicil. Speak with a lawyer who has experience with these matters, but do it soon.
You need to have a lot of short, simple conversations. Make sure he understands that you love him and will stick by him. Whatever you need to do, it is to provide the safest future for both of you. At times he will appreciate this, at other times he won't understand and will resent you "controlling" him and his finances.
For safety's sake get his name off of any large bank accounts. Assuming these are joint, you can move most of the money to new accounts in your name only. If they are in his name only you will need his cooperation to move money. Do this for all accounts that he can easily access.
Do the same for credit cards. Give him a debit card or credit card if he is still able to shop. Make sure the limit is very low ($500 max) to prevent problems and manipulation by others. Don't drop his spending limits or cancel cards until you have accounts in your name with appropriate limits. This will affect his credit score, and you don't want it to impact yours.
If he is still driving, you need to plan for an assessment or simply plan his "retirement" from driving. That is often harder to deal with than the fiscal control.
You can do most of this even before meeting with a lawyer. As others suggest, that is a necessary step. On a good day he will understand and agree to give you power of attorney for everything. On another day he may refuse.
Encourage him to trust you no matter what. Tell him that you are doing this because if something happens to him and he can't communicate (any major medical event) how would you be able to take care of the both of you? You can offer to give him the same POA if it makes him more comfortable, in the event that you cannot communicate.
Both of you need a back-up POA of course. Your back-up needs to be someone who is willing to take care of your husband if you cannot.
Many of us are dealing with this. Getting your beloved to agree to relinquish control is very hard for them. God bless you both!
Kimosabe: Unfortunately it is now too late for the principal (your husband) to authorize Power of Attorney since he would have had to be of lucid mind. See an attorney.
Typically, now is too late in the game to strategize future care. But I am not a lawyer, so please please please seek help from a CERTIFIED eldercare attorney. Not just any estate planning attorney, but certified eldercare attorney. They are trained and certified to handle situations like yours. They are expensive but worth every dime.
Did the two of you every do a will.\ Most wills have a "springing power of attorney" which stipulates that when two MDs believe a person no longer has executive function enough to manage his/her own affairs the named POA takes them over.
If you have no will and no POA then it is too late to do those. You will need to get guardianship or just let this ride, as you as the spouse (unless this a second marriage and disagreeing children of the first on hand) will be the one consulted on all care. You should see an elder law attorney now for options. If placement is required you will need attorney to help you with division of assets and etc.
The best option for you now is (if hubby is in care) a social worker or an attorney if hubby is at home. This is not DIY at this point.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If nothing, I would apply for guardianship at once.
For safety's sake get his name off of any large bank accounts. Assuming these are joint, you can move most of the money to new accounts in your name only. If they are in his name only you will need his cooperation to move money. Do this for all accounts that he can easily access.
Do the same for credit cards. Give him a debit card or credit card if he is still able to shop. Make sure the limit is very low ($500 max) to prevent problems and manipulation by others. Don't drop his spending limits or cancel cards until you have accounts in your name with appropriate limits. This will affect his credit score, and you don't want it to impact yours.
If he is still driving, you need to plan for an assessment or simply plan his "retirement" from driving. That is often harder to deal with than the fiscal control.
You can do most of this even before meeting with a lawyer. As others suggest, that is a necessary step. On a good day he will understand and agree to give you power of attorney for everything. On another day he may refuse.
Encourage him to trust you no matter what. Tell him that you are doing this because if something happens to him and he can't communicate (any major medical event) how would you be able to take care of the both of you? You can offer to give him the same POA if it makes him more comfortable, in the event that you cannot communicate.
Both of you need a back-up POA of course. Your back-up needs to be someone who is willing to take care of your husband if you cannot.
Many of us are dealing with this. Getting your beloved to agree to relinquish control is very hard for them. God bless you both!
Good luck.
Most wills have a "springing power of attorney" which stipulates that when two MDs believe a person no longer has executive function enough to manage his/her own affairs the named POA takes them over.
If you have no will and no POA then it is too late to do those.
You will need to get guardianship or just let this ride, as you as the spouse (unless this a second marriage and disagreeing children of the first on hand) will be the one consulted on all care.
You should see an elder law attorney now for options.
If placement is required you will need attorney to help you with division of assets and etc.
The best option for you now is (if hubby is in care) a social worker or an attorney if hubby is at home. This is not DIY at this point.