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He walks around all day and wanders into other residents' rooms. They complain to the staff and the director calls me to complain. What can I do to help him?
Maybe a decoration from home that he will recognize?
Possibly a picture of the two of you from younger days? Sometimes, a person will recognize a picture of themselves from when they were a teen, for example. Or, your wedding picture.
Thanks for answering, cxmoody. I have a family picture on the door taken 30 years ago. He recognizes but doesn't always look at it. I have pictures of him just outside the room as well as a sign with his name on it. You'd think that would be enough but it's not. I'll try the wedding picture.
Your husband has trouble finding his own room because he's in MEMORY care. He doesn't know his room from any other. This is not your problem, it is the facilities. I would venture to say that almost every MC facility has to deal with this problem, and, in fact, should expect it. What exactly do they expect you to do? My wife wandered into other rooms, and other residents wandered into hers. I once found another resident in my wife's closet. The staff found my wife asleep in another's room. The family of the facility's residents should be told this happens and why. I think the staff is ill trained to handle these situations.
To expand on cxmoody's idea of placing a picture on the doors, also add the statement “This is XXX's room” along with the pic. Every room should have these on the doors.
I agree, what kind of MC is this? This is normal. An aide should be taking him back to his room when he acts thats where he wants to be. Who is calling you? Because I would ask "Is this not the reason he is in MC because he has "no memory". I would also ask "what do u think I can do about it". Maybe find another MC because this one looks like they have no idea how Dementia works.
When dad was in the nursing home (not memory care) the staff was always talking about how he didn't know how to get to his own room and wandered. When they finally started allowing visitors to come inside, I got to go with him to his room. So I would ask the staff, which way to his room? Three workers were asked and had no clue. Finally, a patient told me where to go and which room.
Put his name on the door in large letters and the pictures as others have said. Then tell the MC to stop calling you with complaints illustrating THEIR failures, or you might think twice about the wisdom of keeping him there or recommending it to anyone else.
This is completely typical of people with these problems. I see all the time - I live in assisted living. If they are really bad and causing problems, I think it is time to put the person into a nursing home. There is NO way to keep them from doing this and the staff should know that. And if the staff sees them wandering, they should bring the person back to the room. I don't think putting big signs or whatever is going to help - their mind is gone as they are. If they complain, they are not doing their job properly to prevent people from doing this and perhaps a move is in order to a more secure place.
My Dad's memory care facility had the same thing for each resident. I found it interesting looking at the other curio cabinets to learn a little bit about who were Dad's neighbors.
I share everyone's shock that they are calling you to complain about this. It is fairly common for people with memory loss! I have a picture of our family dog that died over 20 years ago on my mom's door in memory care and that seems to work for now, but even that memory will eventually go.
I think you should push back a bit if you are feeling up to it. Ask what they usually do in this situation, as you put him in their care as they offer memory care and this is obviously linked to his memory so what are they going to do about it other than calling you? You could even say that you asked for advice on a forum for caregivers and they were shocked the facility thought you should deal with it!!
Ask the MC facility to put pictures of the residents on their own doors. The staff at MC is responsible for redirecting their residents; this is why they are in MC.
Errr............................ I can't believe they are complaining to you about your DH wandering into other's room because he can't remember his. That's is why memory care was created. Now if he is a danger to other residents..... that is an entirely different thing. And BTW...... how come they don't notice that he is wandering away from the group or an activity? I realize they are short staffed but they took your husband in and are accepting money for him so they need to suit up and get to work. Make sure they have activities or something to get him interested and as others have said..... push back on the director a bit.
My Mom was in an AL that mixed their residents. The building was rectangular. The Hall ran down the middle running all the way around. No matter what direction you went, you ended up in the Common area. My Mom was allowed to walk the halls. There were couches and chairs, even a bookcase of books along the way. I once found her shoes neatly left next to a chair. She rarely stayed in her room. The staff actually liked keeping her in the Common area but u could usually find her walking. I am sure though when they started getting residents ready for the night, Mom was walked back to her room. I am sure they went to get her for meals.
Your in MC because you have some form of Dementia. Short-term memory is part of the desease. So boggles me why a MC would get upset about his wandering. I may call other MCs and see what they say about wandering.
My mother's memory care has locks on the residents doors to prevent wandering into one another's rooms. The residents aren't locked INTO their rooms......others are locked OUT of their rooms and a key is required to enter each room. It's really a very simple answer to avoiding big issues, in reality. Plus, it is NOT against the law, as some people insist....its up to each MC as to how they want to handle it. I wouldn't have my mother live in a MC where she wasn't allowed privacy in her own room. The caregivers use their key to let the resident into their room, or the resident can wear a key on a cord around their wrist.
If the MC is complaining to you that your husband is unable to find his room, then something is seriously wrong with the administration of the MC and they don't know what they're doing. YOU shouldn't have to do anything to help hubby find his room.....the STAFF should be helping him, that's what you're paying for and what he's doing in MC to begin with! Speak with the executive director of the place to see why they can't manage the staff properly and ask if you should start looking to relocate your husband to a properly run facility. Seriously. They're expecting YOU to manage your husband while he's a resident in THEIR facility! What's wrong with that picture?
Demand a satisfactory resolution to this problem or start looking for a better run MC for DH. Best of luck!
That's what I was thinking when I read it. He's in a Memory Care facility, meaning he has a hard time remembering. I'm sure he's not the first or last one to have this issue. Why isn't the staff directing him to the correct room? What is Weary Jean supposed to do about it? When I read that the director calls her to complain, it made me so angry!
The director calls you to complain??!? Something is wrong there. Either you misunderstand what she thinks, or you are in the wrong facility. Your husband's behavior is PAR for the course! There should be corrective measures within the facility
Dealing with wandering should be part of his care by the MC facility. If they cannot or will not manage that behavior, you may need to.move him to a more competent facility.
At my mothers memory care unit all of the patient rooms have a blank picture frame outside the door. It can personalized with pictures of the patient and family. Maybe something like that would help your husband recognize his room.
Ask the staff to engage him so that your dear husband has something to do! The wandering is probably because he is looking for some purpose to his day!
My mother was having the same problem so I made her a wreath for her door in her favorite colors and painted a wooden "B" for Baker and placed it on the wreath....she has no problem now finding her room. Maybe make a wreath with his favorite sports team and put his initial on it
I think part of the difficulty here is that his wandering into other resident's rooms isn't necessarily because he can't find his own room, it may be that he is feeling lost or bored, feels the need to move, or is looking for something else entirely - a person, place or thing that may exist only in his broken mind. Staff in a memory care are supposed to know how to deal with wanderers because it is a very common problem, I get that those on the front lines may grumble that they have more than enough to do but the fact that the director is complaining to you rather than implementing ways to deal with it makes me question this facility's knowledge of dementia and their ability/willingness to deal with it.
Ugh, like everyone else, I'm shocked that any MC facility doesn't know how to manage this. Any facility or individual who deals with the elderly to be able to manage this without "complaining" about it, much less one *specializing* in memory loss. Sad to say, the director's complaint is indicative of someone not only utterly incompetent at his/her job, but frankly, fundamentally stupid. If this "director" is THE (senior) director of the entire facility, you have my sympathies; hopefully, this director is just one of many, and an anomaly who can be fired if enough people contact his/her supervisor to lodge formal complaints about his/her performance.
Talk to the memory care staff and director about this. Ask them what their policy is on handling MC residents who have this issue. They should have ways to prevent this from happening. This also happens in my mother's MC unit, and staff watch over the residents and tell them where their rooms are or take them there and divert them when they are going into other people's rooms. Doors aren't locked in MC units, but staff can close them.
Wandering around in Memory Care is common, it may help to have something on his door that he will recognize and associate with as his room. Discuss with the Executive Director and the nursing team how they can assist your husband as he transitions to his new home. Everyone transitions differently. Another thing that may help is getting him some occupational therapy to assist him with a routine. Insurances cover these services and the community should be open to putting a plan in place. I hope this helps. Schelle’y Cunningham CDP Senior Memory Care Advisor
If he has lost his short term memory he just will not remember where his room is. They won't even be able to remember that there is a picture of them by their door. When my mom was in AL she was always going in other peoples room. Then she was moved to MC. I had a camera in her room and I would see the other residents going into her room. They kept all of them out in the main center so they could keep an eye on them. Then if they saw one going in another's room they would redirect and sometimes they would just keep their doors locked. But no one should ever call and tell you that this has become an issue. I would call the facility director and let them know you are being called. They should know how to handle. I mean..what are you supposed to do about it? Wandering is part of the disease. One of the reasons why one is placed in MC is because of the wandering. My mom is in a nursing home now and can't walk but the residents that can walk and have dementia ...well..sometimes they want to go in my mom's room. They are then redirected out. ❤
If he actually can’t find his room, maybe he needs something like a poster or picture on his door that he can recognize. If he is wandering out of boredom, that is a different problem.
Pictures and other hints to find the door are all good responses. if I understand your description, the MC facility is warning you that other residents are complaining that your husband is entering their rooms. While I agree that the facility needs to find alternatives, I have recently placed my mom in MC and she and her roommate are “not allowed” to leave their door open because the two male wanderers frequently enter these sweet women’s room, use their bathroom, etc. From the other residents perspective it feels very unfair that the others with impaired memories are being expected to remember to close/lock their doors and then remember how to us their fob to open their own doors; and the facility likely has the potential to be able to kick the subject resident out with little notice and for exactly this reason (or any other random reason- check your state regs to see how easy it is for any facility to just toss a resident out). having said this, I have found that sometimes residents can remember to “find the person in the blue shirt” (the color the staff wear) if you need help finding your room. Sometimes the resident can remember blue shirt = help. However, in my experience in mom’s MC I have also seen residents who say they cannot find their room, but when they are taken to their room they immediately leave and go find a staff member to tell them that they can’t find their room. It’s like the “I want to go home” phrase - they could be lonely, tired, hungry, frustrated, afraid, which needs to be addressed, they might enter every open door hoping to find something familiar so they don’t feel lonely, tired, hungry, frustrated, afraid, etc. So, making his room familiar might be another helpful tip, put as many familiar items immediately visible as he enters his room and see if the door to HIS room can remain open ( you will probably be advised that several other residents also enter every open door, they will also be receiving the same calls you are). See if other families will pool resources for time spent in the unit to work with all of the wanderers who don’t understand personal space/boundaries so you all don’t have to be there all the time, but you can also grow your sense of community and common purpose. I also feel too much money is being spent to provide proper care for both our children and our elderly for bare minimum Or even substandard care, but, until we isolate and identify specific concerns and advocate that they be addressed on a much bigger platform each of our individual concerns for individual persons at individual facilities those facilities can laugh all the way to the bank as they meet the frightening bare minimums set by individual states. Please educate yourselves on your state regulations, and understand that sites purporting to be there to help you - make money if you select a facility that pays them commission for placement. Take time to find non-profit organizations to at least find some balance. And truly think about spending some of that time that you do not have to work on behalf of ALL in this similar circumstance. We are all fighting our individual battles for our own individual concerns, but we need to devote at least a small portion of that energy to the entire affected population.
I do not know the answer as how to stop residents doing this but I do know it is the responsibility of the facility to have in place procedures to handle this and they must be implemented. Contact the Office on Aging and speak with a social worker or Adult Protective Services for help and advise. Each county has a local Ombudsman whom you can contact. There is help out there but you have to get them involved
Wearyjean ~ First of all, ask the MC Director why she is calling you to complain? Your husband is in MEMORY care. They should be equipped to deal with this behavior. Wandering is a common problem in MC facilities. That's why people are placed there. Perhaps decorating his room door (or outside his door on the wall) with colorful signs would help him recognize his own room. Patient engagement in activities (like sorting things, coloring, folding his clothes, etc) may keep him occupied. Does he like to draw? Is there an Activities Director there? Other than that, the MC facility should have procedures in place to deal with this issue.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
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I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
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APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
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APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
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If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
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You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Maybe a decoration from home that he will recognize?
Possibly a picture of the two of you from younger days? Sometimes, a person will recognize a picture of themselves from when they were a teen, for example. Or, your wedding picture.
What does his door look like now?
To expand on cxmoody's idea of placing a picture on the doors, also add the statement “This is XXX's room” along with the pic. Every room should have these on the doors.
Imagine that!
Put his name on the door in large letters and the pictures as others have said. Then tell the MC to stop calling you with complaints illustrating THEIR failures, or you might think twice about the wisdom of keeping him there or recommending it to anyone else.
I think you should push back a bit if you are feeling up to it. Ask what they usually do in this situation, as you put him in their care as they offer memory care and this is obviously linked to his memory so what are they going to do about it other than calling you? You could even say that you asked for advice on a forum for caregivers and they were shocked the facility thought you should deal with it!!
Good luck.
Your in MC because you have some form of Dementia. Short-term memory is part of the desease. So boggles me why a MC would get upset about his wandering. I may call other MCs and see what they say about wandering.
If the MC is complaining to you that your husband is unable to find his room, then something is seriously wrong with the administration of the MC and they don't know what they're doing. YOU shouldn't have to do anything to help hubby find his room.....the STAFF should be helping him, that's what you're paying for and what he's doing in MC to begin with! Speak with the executive director of the place to see why they can't manage the staff properly and ask if you should start looking to relocate your husband to a properly run facility. Seriously. They're expecting YOU to manage your husband while he's a resident in THEIR facility! What's wrong with that picture?
Demand a satisfactory resolution to this problem or start looking for a better run MC for DH. Best of luck!
Staff in a memory care are supposed to know how to deal with wanderers because it is a very common problem, I get that those on the front lines may grumble that they have more than enough to do but the fact that the director is complaining to you rather than implementing ways to deal with it makes me question this facility's knowledge of dementia and their ability/willingness to deal with it.
Discuss with the Executive Director and the nursing team how they can assist your husband as he transitions to his new home. Everyone transitions differently.
Another thing that may help is getting him some occupational therapy to assist him with a routine. Insurances cover these services and the community should be open to putting a plan in place.
I hope this helps.
Schelle’y Cunningham CDP
Senior Memory Care Advisor
❤
if I understand your description, the MC facility is warning you that other residents are complaining that your husband is entering their rooms. While I agree that the facility needs to find alternatives, I have recently placed my mom in MC and she and her roommate are “not allowed” to leave their door open because the two male wanderers frequently enter these sweet women’s room, use their bathroom, etc. From the other residents perspective it feels very unfair that the others with impaired memories are being expected to remember to close/lock their doors and then remember how to us their fob to open their own doors; and the facility likely has the potential to be able to kick the subject resident out with little notice and for exactly this reason (or any other random reason- check your state regs to see how easy it is for any facility to just toss a resident out).
having said this, I have found that sometimes residents can remember to “find the person in the blue shirt” (the color the staff wear) if you need help finding your room. Sometimes the resident can remember blue shirt = help. However, in my experience in mom’s MC I have also seen residents who say they cannot find their room, but when they are taken to their room they immediately leave and go find a staff member to tell them that they can’t find their room. It’s like the “I want to go home” phrase - they could be lonely, tired, hungry, frustrated, afraid, which needs to be addressed, they might enter every open door hoping to find something familiar so they don’t feel lonely, tired, hungry, frustrated, afraid, etc. So, making his room familiar might be another helpful tip, put as many familiar items immediately visible as he enters his room and see if the door to HIS room can remain open ( you will probably be advised that several other residents also enter every open door, they will also be receiving the same calls you are). See if other families will pool resources for time spent in the unit to work with all of the wanderers who don’t understand personal space/boundaries so you all don’t have to be there all the time, but you can also grow your sense of community and common purpose.
I also feel too much money is being spent to provide proper care for both our children and our elderly for bare minimum Or even substandard care, but, until we isolate and identify specific concerns and advocate that they be addressed on a much bigger platform each of our individual concerns for individual persons at individual facilities those facilities can laugh all the way to the bank as they meet the frightening bare minimums set by individual states. Please educate yourselves on your state regulations, and understand that sites purporting to be there to help you - make money if you select a facility that pays them commission for placement. Take time to find non-profit organizations to at least find some balance. And truly think about spending some of that time that you do not have to work on behalf of ALL in this similar circumstance. We are all fighting our individual battles for our own individual concerns, but we need to devote at least a small portion of that energy to the entire affected population.