A couple of days ago he stopped talking to me and says I am the cause. He still drives and if I ask him to take me to Drs for appt. He says “all I am is your chauffeur. I do not know what I did to cause his behavior. He will not eat anything I offer him. He seems to hate me!
You need some decompression time. I know what it's like to have a person with dementia be antagonistic, cursing, demanding, etc. It's not easy at all. It's like having to stuff your feelings.
You can always call the doc/nurse and discuss husband's care any time you need to. They will return your call at the end of the day usually.
The alzheimers org online also has information.
Maybe you can hire a college kid or get son/relatives to come in and be with him a few hrs a week, or just 1x a week for an hour, while you de-stress, and do something for you.
Go out with a friend or son for coffee, meet up with church friends, even if just for an hour. It will help you so much.
There is also adult day care, senior center etc, after his meds are adjusted. Lean on your son. You are dealing with a lot.
We're always here for you too. Take care.
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/husband-was-diagnosed-with-alzheimers-this-year-he-is-80-years-old-and-is-very-mad-at-me-439348.htm
I just read where anger, and lashing out are common for those with alzheimers. Don't argue. Try to de-escalate situation. If that doesn't work, don't engage.
I would let 911 know he is combative. He needs to be seen asap. This is over your head at this point.
I hear from a lot of people whose husbands become angry and combative when they have been diagnosed with dementia or Alzheimer's. There are some drugs that can help with this (some are antidepressants) so I would suggest you speak with the doctor. However, the truth is that each person reacts differently and there is no real fix. I think that your husband is angry and is looking for a scapegoat so as not to turn his anger inward. I would consider some counseling that seems to work well in these situations. Often both husband and wife go together and sometimes, just the patient.
Definitely an understanding helpful doc who says something more than "well he just wont talk to me so i dont have an answer" is someone you need to find and talk to.
Make a meal & leave for him to eat if he won't sit down to eat with you - he shouldn't be driving as he is not making good choices anymore - his anger to end up as a road rage incident - the dr. needs to know how he is by taping a few incidents with your cell phone
As for you- there are groups that help loved ones struggling with partners with dementia. They can be a big help.
Every time he starts on you, remember it's the disease, not him. He could be paranoid bc he knows something is wrong, and he is powerless to change it. He might be lashing out. Unfortunately you are the one there.
You also need to take care of you. You need time away too. You need help as much as he does as a care taker. Find ways to decompress if you can.
His doc should be able to help.
Perhaps the county of aging office? They have services and programs.
Take care of you too.
Give him space. Do your own thing. If he has Alzheimer's, then he's going to need you. He's going to have to reach out to you. If you push it, then either he or you could be out the door and very vulnerable.
My FIL is suffering from dementia. He can't make decisions anymore. He has forgotten much. He doesn't recognize many people he used to know. He's wife recently past. They were "two peas in a pod." He doesn't remember it. He dreams of finding someone else. He talks about a friend who found his true love after his first wife past. My FIL is deluded. His first wife was his true love. He has dementia--most likely he's has moderate Alzheimer's. Thankfully, he still knows who we are. We're currently making preparations for him to live with us.