He found a way out twice thru a nurses exit door to the parking lot. He was unruly 2 times in the middle of the nite and once about 5:00 am. Other than that he was quiet and tried to help the aids and wheelchair residents. Now he home and I have a garage full of furniture that I had to buy for his room. He sleeps well and is very quiet, but confused. He’s been home for almost 3 wks and a couple of days ago he started in with wanting to go for a walk. The last time (Jan 2nd) he walked so far and broke his neck and ended up in Shands Hospital for 6 days. This is the reason I had to put him in a Memory Care Facility. I have an Angel Sense watch on him so I can see where he is and it now has FALL DETECTION on it. I CANNOT STOP HIM FROM LEAVING THE HOUSE and I just don’t know what to do. Any suggestions?
First, as others have said, talk immediately with his doctor(s) about medication to calm him.
Second, some residents are just more determined than the rest. The level of security in memory care units varies. Call the ones in your area and ask what their security protections are. Some have just one code for all the doors. Some have a different code for each door and then multiple doors so that even if a resident gets through one, he or she can't access the next. Some have alarms on the doors. Some even have electronic bracelets on the residents, tight like hospital bracelets, that stop doors and elevators from opening if the resident goes beyond their permitted area.
Third, you might look for a MC facility that has secure space where your husband can walk. Some residents with dementia fell compelled to walk, or to be outdoors. You'll see them in most facilities. So some are designed with long hallways, or hallways that go in a full loop, to allow room for these residents. Some have generous outdoor space with a secure fence. (The problem is that not all local government regulations permit a high enough fence for safety.) Or there might be a large courtyard surrounded by the building.
I hope you can find a solution soon that will work for him.
In my mother's Memory Care Assisted Living facility, there were murals on the outside doors so residents didn't even realize they were exit doors. And, if a resident somehow managed to get thru one one of these muralled doors, he'd find himself in the lobby of the building which was also locked. A person would have to buzz you out. Never in the 3 years mom was there did anyone escape.
Your husband needs calming meds stat. It's shocking the facility did not recommend this! Get him to his PCP or neurologist for meds to calm him and then get him into a different memory care facility, a proper one. Ask lots of questions beforehand. The whole purpose of MC is keep a resident until they pass. Not to evict him at the first sign of trouble. You cannot keep him at home, obviously, because going for walks and falling is not acceptable. Once he's medicated, he'll be a lot less fidgety and wanting to run away. If not, the meds get increased.
Dementia is a no win situation for all concerned. You lose, hubby loses, your children lose, nobody feels good. We wind up picking the lesser of the bad choices which is medication and memory care in most instances. You matter too, my friend, and you cannot live this way.
I'm sorry you're going through this and wish you good luck and Godspeed with a difficult situation.
I too am surprised that MC was not locked down in every way. Also, that meds were not suggested. I too say find another MC. Or Longterm care with a MC unit. I hope you have protected yourself by having your assets split. If not, see an elder lawyer.
Either a hired caregiver/companion or you are the one that has to be with him.
If you are in the house you can lock doors so he can not get out.
You can also put an alarm on the door. (there are alarms that look like the old fashioned doorstops, a wedge, that when the door is opened and brushes past the top of the alarm you will hear it.
My Husband was also an escape artist. I spent 8 years with the keys to the house around my neck day and night. I also locked a gate that we/I have on my porch. the screw heads were drilled out because he tried to unscrew them, the furniture in the room near the door was cable tied together because he took a chair once and one time a bench and brought it outside and tried climbing over the gate. 😱🤷♂️
Now for your problem.
Medication may help with the anxiety. But with medication comes risks. He may be prone to a fall.
I am wondering how he was able to get out of a Locked, Secure Memory Care Unit. If it was not a Locked Secure Unit then you should find a facility that does have a locked area for MC.
As to the Violence (you said "unruly" but generally being asked to leave a facility is not simply because he was "unruly") Medication may help that as well. usually striking out is the result of some frustration and that is the only way that he was able to express himself.