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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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This behavior is called shadowing and common as AD advances. Daycare is a good idea, as is placement in a Memory Care Assisted Living or hiring in home help to relieve you and give you time to yourself. You matter too.
If he has Alzheimer's he is not in perfect health. His brain is deteriorating. It's time to ask some hard questions about his future. It might be time for placement in a facility. The one my mother is in is safe, clean and they provide activities for the residents on their level.
Is he on any medications for mood? The shadowing is triggered by memory loss which leads to anxiety.
Other options are adult daycare (which may be tricky to pull off when shadowing); or to hire an in-home companion aid (you tell him they're to help you but they are there to become familiar to him and eventually be able to divert his attention; or you consider memory care.
YOU are his safe person. The one he KNOWS will be there when he needs something. The one that takes care of him. The one that has provided safety and support for as long as he can remember. This is common., It is called Shadowing. You can try to get him to focus on a task. Give him a basket of towels to fold, socks to pair. That might give you a break. ...if it works.
If there is an Adult Day Program get him involved with that. Typically they will pick up in the morning. Provide a breakfast, a lunch and a snack and keep participants involved in activities. then the van will bring him home in the late afternoon.
Getting a caregiver to come in and help you. You can introduce the caregiver as your friend. The first day they can be there, chat and help you with a few things. The next day make an excuse to run to the store for a bit. Increase the time you are away. The more this caregiver is there he will begin to trust and rely on them. It might take a bit of time but getting help is like having a mini vacation.
my husband shadows me everywhere. This is really hard. I don't even get time alone in the bathroom without him inviting himself. Some days I'm just desperate to leave the house to get a moment alone. I finally got him on some anti-anxiety medicine, which has helped significantly. Best thing is to talk with his doctor on your own and recommend this. If you're on the POA or his HIPPAA paperwork at his doctor's office, you should be able to talk with the doc. Explain the issue. After I explained it to his doctor, I set up a "general health appointment" and the doc prescribed something that helped him tremendously. All the best. I know how hard this is. We sometimes feel like hostages in our own house. I also have to put a "favorite" movie or tv show on for him to distract him so I can get a few moments alone.
As the eldest granddaughter, I was the sole caregiver for my grandfather, who lived to four months shy of 101. He was a cancer patient, among other things, but thankfully remained mobile so I was able to keep him at home. Like in so many other families, not one of my three siblings - we’re all one year apart - nor my parents, stepped forward to assist me in his caretaking during the last 20 years of his life, not even with one medical appointment or load of laundry.
Each morning, I would drive over to his home to make his breakfast by 9 am, do whatever needed to be done around his house and kept him company until 4 pm each day.
He shadowed me all day.
These were the days before the swiffer mop. I would tell him to stay out of the kitchen and watch tv until I let him know I was done scrubbing the floor, and sure enough, as I would be scrubbing away, trying to focus on the linoleum and the spoonfuls of sugar he would invariably spill all over the floor, he and his slippers would appear in my line of sight on the wet floor.
To cut down on the shadowing, I would give him little things to do, like lightly dust around the house with one of those microfiber sheets - no sprays - which gave him a sense of pride knowing he was helping me.
Once I got home around 4:30 pm each day, after tending to my pets, I would begin working for my job until 1 am to get my 8 hours in - my employer was very accommodating and didn’t mind what hours I worked as long as I got my work done.
From 4 pm until his 8 pm bedtime each day, I hired a sweet senior lady to sit with him and basically just keep him company. All she had to do was watch tv with him, chat with him and feed him a ready-made meal I prepared earlier that she would microwave for him around 6 pm and then give him a snack, like a dish of ice cream, if he wanted it later - she was to do no housework, just sit with my grandfather, watch tv with him and keep him company.
When I first brought up the idea to my grandfather of bringing in some help, he stubbornly flipped out. But I told him that I needed to work and with him constantly shadowing me, I couldn’t focus on my writing for my job and told him if he did anything to upset the lady, who would begin helping me with his care or made her cry for any reason, I would immediately stop being his caretaker and he knew he had no one else other than me that he could rely on.
Well, needless to say, he ended up loving the new arrangement. The older lady I found to help me felt she had a new purpose, in addition to some added income. And I got my much-needed reprieve, even if only to be able to get my work done for my job without constantly being interrupted by his persistent shadowing.
Where did I find the help I desperately needed? I called our church and asked the priest if he knew of a retired lady who I could hire who would be willing to help me care for my grandfather for a few hours a day. And he said, I sure do!
It’s funny now, but when I told her all she had to do was watch tv with him in the living room, talk to him and get paid, she couldn’t believe it. She remained Pops’ - the name she affectionately called him - part-time companion until he passed at 100 and helped me find an answer to the shadowing problem that benefitted all is us.
If you don’t currently belong to a church, check with churches and other religious institutions in your area as well as community centers. There are many older people who live alone who would love an opportunity to feel needed, as well as earn some additional income. Good luck!
Unfortunately we can't really sit a person with Alzheimer's down and explain to them why they shouldn't be following us or what hours we need for ourselves... Their brain is broken and they don't understand. They follow us because they don't know what else to do. We're a safe person, a touchstone. With some people with Alzheimer's it's the opposite - they keep trying to run away or run out the door. Recommend you get some backup help... Another person or persons that they can feel safe with so you can get some time for yourself.
When someone with dementia is following, watching, sitting close, leaning on others, etc. they are expressing a need for companionships, comfort, closeness and affection. One approach is to is to offer empathy and reassurance. While dementia affects a person's ability to communicate, it doesn't take away the need for reassurance and emotional support. I know this information doesn't make it easier for you and you definitely need time for yourself.
(This information is from National Council of Certified Dementia Practitioners' Alzheimer's Disease and Dementia Care Curriculum 2025/2027.)
lonely/bored/wants to be involved maybe you can sit down with him and explain between x and y hours you’ll be in your room or where ever and can he not disturb you but after that time you will make some tea and be with him again I think its generally an old person thing And he doesn’t realise what it does failing that try and find someone to mind him or if he can be left alone? And go out speak to local charities ask if there’s any support available you need a second is there anyone you can ask to help you if not then maybe it’s time to think about him being in a care facility you need to look after your health as well
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Other options are adult daycare (which may be tricky to pull off when shadowing); or to hire an in-home companion aid (you tell him they're to help you but they are there to become familiar to him and eventually be able to divert his attention; or you consider memory care.
This is common., It is called Shadowing.
You can try to get him to focus on a task. Give him a basket of towels to fold, socks to pair. That might give you a break. ...if it works.
If there is an Adult Day Program get him involved with that. Typically they will pick up in the morning. Provide a breakfast, a lunch and a snack and keep participants involved in activities. then the van will bring him home in the late afternoon.
Getting a caregiver to come in and help you. You can introduce the caregiver as your friend. The first day they can be there, chat and help you with a few things. The next day make an excuse to run to the store for a bit. Increase the time you are away. The more this caregiver is there he will begin to trust and rely on them. It might take a bit of time but getting help is like having a mini vacation.
Each morning, I would drive over to his home to make his breakfast by 9 am, do whatever needed to be done around his house and kept him company until 4 pm each day.
He shadowed me all day.
These were the days before the swiffer mop. I would tell him to stay out of the kitchen and watch tv until I let him know I was done scrubbing the floor, and sure enough, as I would be scrubbing away, trying to focus on the linoleum and the spoonfuls of sugar he would invariably spill all over the floor, he and his slippers would appear in my line of sight on the wet floor.
To cut down on the shadowing, I would give him little things to do, like lightly dust around the house with one of those microfiber sheets - no sprays - which gave him a sense of pride knowing he was helping me.
Once I got home around 4:30 pm each day, after tending to my pets, I would begin working for my job until 1 am to get my 8 hours in - my employer was very accommodating and didn’t mind what hours I worked as long as I got my work done.
From 4 pm until his 8 pm bedtime each day, I hired a sweet senior lady to sit with him and basically just keep him company. All she had to do was watch tv with him, chat with him and feed him a ready-made meal I prepared earlier that she would microwave for him around 6 pm and then give him a snack, like a dish of ice cream, if he wanted it later - she was to do no housework, just sit with my grandfather, watch tv with him and keep him company.
When I first brought up the idea to my grandfather of bringing in some help, he stubbornly flipped out. But I told him that I needed to work and with him constantly shadowing me, I couldn’t focus on my writing for my job and told him if he did anything to upset the lady, who would begin helping me with his care or made her cry for any reason, I would immediately stop being his caretaker and he knew he had no one else other than me that he could rely on.
Well, needless to say, he ended up loving the new arrangement. The older lady I found to help me felt she had a new purpose, in addition to some added income. And I got my much-needed reprieve, even if only to be able to get my work done for my job without constantly being interrupted by his persistent shadowing.
Where did I find the help I desperately needed? I called our church and asked the priest if he knew of a retired lady who I could hire who would be willing to help me care for my grandfather for a few hours a day. And he said, I sure do!
It’s funny now, but when I told her all she had to do was watch tv with him in the living room, talk to him and get paid, she couldn’t believe it. She remained Pops’ - the name she affectionately called him - part-time companion until he passed at 100 and helped me find an answer to the shadowing problem that benefitted all is us.
If you don’t currently belong to a church, check with churches and other religious institutions in your area as well as community centers. There are many older people who live alone who would love an opportunity to feel needed, as well as earn some additional income. Good luck!
Another person or persons that they can feel safe with so you can get some time for yourself.
(This information is from National Council of Certified Dementia Practitioners' Alzheimer's Disease and Dementia Care Curriculum 2025/2027.)
maybe you can sit down with him and explain between x and y hours you’ll be in your room or where ever and can he not disturb you but after that time you will make some tea and be with him again
I think its generally an old person thing
And he doesn’t realise what it does
failing that
try and find someone to mind him or if he can be left alone? And go out
speak to local charities ask if there’s any support available
you need a second
is there anyone you can ask
to help you
if not then maybe it’s time to think about him
being in a care facility
you need to look after your health as well
I would never suggest leaving a person with dementia alone. Transitioning to a caregiver that can be with him would be an option.
Dementia is different than "an old person thing"