Hello. My wife’s mother has had heart trouble for the past 5 to seven years. I am 43 and my wife is 47. She is currently in rehabilitation unable to walk, wearing diapers and unwilling to even attempt to walk again. I love my wife, but I don’t think I can handle having her MIL move in with us. I have told my wife numerous times that it is not a good idea, but she is unwilling to keep her at a nursing home or care facility. I guess that would be the same thing. This situation is currently causing severe stress on me and my career. My wife is also now insisting that I purchase us a larger home so that we have more space for her mother. While I don’t want to leave my wife and do love her, I don’t feel like it should be my responsibility to purchase and pay for a larger home just so we have room for her mother. I already support my wife 100% and pay for everything because my wife can’t work while looking after her mother. My MIL doesn’t speak English so she needs to help her with everything. I also lost my mom in the beginning of 2024 and it she was diagnosed and passed away within 6 months. This has also been and still is extremely difficult and painful for me. My brother and I are still dealing with probate and other issues involved with the whole process of losing a single parent. Should I just leave and start over? I have an excellent career and have inherited a decent amount of money. I refuse to use any of this money towards care for my MIL because she didn’t plan her life properly and can’t afford care. Now she is going to move in, take all of my wife’s time and make our lives miserable. I only know this, because over the past few years when she would visit, even for a few days we were miserable. This was before when she could walk and use the restroom on her own. Am I being selfish or do I deserve to be completely happy? I would not choose to leave my wife under different circumstances. I honestly don’t know what to do.
Your wife is needs to appreciate you more, in the fact that she isn't working, and be more greatfull to you. I don't want to say anything to cause you to decide either way, but your wife sounds like she is so mentally deep into solving all of her mother's issues, she can't see what she is doing to her family, and that's what's more important, because you mil is not going to be around for ever, and your wife needs to have a life, this is not good for her health either, really not good if this is going to mean lifting and 24 hours care for her mom.
But then on the other hand there is the issue of not speaking English.
I would say your wife is most likely very burnt out and this is not good, most likely she doesn't know it
So I would suggest you sit her down, have a talk with her, about her, not you, not your feelings about her and how bad this is for her, also how much worse it will be without you. Figure out othere options, and try to get your wife to go to counseling get some support and go to marriage counseling, if you chose to stay.
This is a very difficult situation and issues, hope that was helpful