She has begun to have negative rude outbursts in the dining room and then has no memory of incident at all, denies it happened, and accuses staff of lying! She has never been social, rude, cold, judgemental, but can charm when necessary. Neurological exam indicated only slight age related dementia so not cause of outbursts! I am at my wits end. I am called weekly and have asked that she be served in her room! Any help will be welcomed!!
I understand how it feels to get the “does not play well with others” reports from the facility.
Personality aside, it seems that the episodes are dementia-related. It is good that they are tied to a specific activity, rather than generalized or unpredictable.
I agree that, if you can, you should be there during meals to observe for yourself. You will better understand what is happening. You know her well enough to see what might be causing her to be upset, or to see for yourself if it is random.
You might consider whether anything is going is going on with her physically that makes meals upsetting. My mom is slowly losing her word finding ability and cannot always tell me what is bothering her. Could it be a toothache or problem with dentures? Is she having difficulty sitting (a hemmeroid on a hard dining chair can be painful)? Is it becoming difficult for her to swallow or manage the fork? When these motor skills begin to decline, it can begin almost imperceptibly, but can cause distress and result in negative behaviors.
And, I agree with the recommendation to have a consult or other evaluation by a geriatrician or geriatric psychiatrist.
My own mom’s diagnostic tests did show some cognitive impairment and memory loss, very minimal shrinkage of brain mass, but no explanation for her extremely difficult behaviors.
The geriatric psychiatrist has been extremely good at connecting behaviors with what triggers them, and connecting her behaviors and symptoms to a diagnosis that finally makes sense. She does this through careful questions (of me, the caregiver and mom) and looking at mom’s medical history and neuro-psych evaluation)
And, if it is time to consider any medications to manage the behaviors, the geriatric psychiatrist is the best trained to do so with accuracy and appropriate cautions.
If this is the beginning of increased dementia and related behaviors, investing in this fact-finding now will better prepare you for her future needs which the facility may or may not be equipped to provide for.
Very best of of luck to you.
She herself always speaks very positively about the food, and we have provided nutritional supplements, so it was upsetting to me to try to understand why this was happening.
Yesterday I happened to make one of my frequent stops to visit, and for the first time in the few months since she’s lived there, I happened to stop just as lunch was being served.
When I entered the DR, my
The aromas in the dining room were delicious, her plate arrived, and it was beautifully arranged with small portions of very appetizing foods.
She picked up her fork and cleared the chicken and the broccoli, and ate at least some of the potato (“not cooked enough”).
At home, this tiny woman had the appetite of a stevedore!
The next time I see the diet manager, I’m going to mention that she might prefer a larger portion at her noon meal.
I also rely with confidence on staff observations and the recommendations of the very kind and capable psychiatric PA.
Amazingly, my LO sounds A LOT like some others mentioned here. Once a public figure in our community and a dearly loved but very self protective aunt, sister, Godmother and daughter, she also has hair done weekly and prefers privacy to group activity.
Sometimes dementia seems to me like a huge jig saw puzzle, and all I can hope (and pray) is that I can get the right pieces into the right
place as often as I find them.....
I would question the dx of " only mild age related dementia". Consider a consult with a geriatric psychiatrist.
Its my belief that Activity Directors and Assistants have a broader job description than blowing up balloons and having the residents play balloon volleyball with each other. They should be encouraging the residents to “at least try” a few meals in the dining room with the general population.
My mother’s facility never called me about anything other than an emergency or change in meds. How often do you visit? I’d go twice a week. Visit at lunch and see what’s going on.
Lastly, you could get a second opinion on the dementia diagnosis. At her age, I'm not sure how many more tests you want to put her through though. I'd likely explore if they could treat her with a med for anxiety, if the outbursts continue or as Cwillie states, move her to a different area in the dining room.