Dad (83) has dementia and Parkinson’s. Limited mobility. Mom (79) has been primary caregiver, but recently we have been adding home caregiving to help with ADL’s. Mom adamant about not sending Dad to memory care. Yet she’s getting irritable and weary of caregivers in her home and invading her privacy. I’ve told her she can’t have it both ways. Too much risk of her trying to manage on her own. They have the monetary means for home health. The adjustment is not going well!
Memory care isn't a torture chamber. The facilities are set up for with an eye to keeping residents happy on their level. The people who dedicate themselves to this care are kind, caring and loving. Mom can visit often. They may pamper her too. Win win.
My brother-in law is in a small home in a residential neighborhood and has been there for years. He loves it. My sister-in-law (no relation to brother-in-law) is in a larger one in another state. Her husband visits every night for dinner and volunteers to lead classes for residents. She likes to garden and they have raised beds so she can do that with assistance. The caregivers give her fancy manicures. The owner's dogs visit often. Both of these relatives were languishing at home and have benefited immeasurably because nobody was "adamant" that they stay at home miserable home.
Go shopping, have lunch with a friend she has not seen in a while, get her hair done.
A few hours at the Senior Center playing cards or even volunteering there.
It is great to have caregivers come in and help out but part of having that help is to get away from the house.
Does mom have a friend or relative she can go visit for a week? Maybe a week Respite for mom would be a good thing.
Between aging in place in home + carers & facility care.. what is there? All I can think of is some type of adult daycare for your Dad. He gets activitity & help with lunch & Mom gets some time at home alone. Maybe a few days a week.
Unfortunately I have not been able to find such a solution. Daycare exists, but the support didn't match what my folks needed re mobility assistance.
Hoping you get other replies & ideas.