My mom passed away here at home Feb. 26, 7:15pm. She had been living with me for almost 11yrs last 2 years I had been caring for her. I am 62 single no children. Very dysfunctional relationship with siblings my brother is trying to sue me as my mom dishinherited him in her will she did not have anything. He is mad at me thinking I coerced her. Anyway I am just not sure what do others do after loved one passes. Not sure if I should sell my house, move? At times I think I here her calling out for me like she use to Its so hard at times. I just want to lock it up and leave. I really do not have any family so what are others doing after LO dies? Thank you for listening...
Keep things really light for now.
If you have estate things to do I'd prioritize those. Hire an estate attorney if you think you need one.
I had to get therapy due to the dysfunctional relationship with my sister.
It sounds like the house is yours? Selling a house and finding a new place is very stressful. Consider staying put for awhile but doing some small tiny improvements to freshen up the house?
Since we are coming into summer consider doing a 4 or 6 week rental at a nearby lake or beach so you get a break?
A lot of people mentioned travel to me after Mom passed but I was in no condition for that.
I am at 23 months since Mom passed now and feel like I am just now getting my bearing. One day a week I help a woman out who has alzheimer's and I go to Spanish class at the Senior Center once a week. I'm having fun at the class and meeting new friends there. I'm still keeping my life pretty light.
May you gain insights and wisdom, and peace in your heart as you reclaim your life.
All the info that I have seen and heard is that you make no major decisions for at least 1 year after a life changing event. (that includes the death of a parent)
If you have a lawyer let them know that your brother is trying to sue you. Let all communication go through your lawyer. Do NOT engage in any conversation unless you have your lawyer with you.
I would normally say if you want to get a way for a wile, a vacation that might help but if your brother might try to get into the house leaving it empty would not be a good idea. (he just might say that you have abandoned it)
If you have not talked to your doctor or talked to a therapist or counselor you might want to do that. You need to talk, you need to vent you need to be able to start finding out who you are.,
You need time. And do not let anyone try to rush the time you need. you need what you need.
My sister's husband died one day, out of the blue, totally unexpectedly, at 56. Instead of facing her grief and emotions, she bought a house and moved, joined 5 organizations, started playing bingo 2x a week.......and kept herself SO BUSY that she fell into bed so exhausted every night that had "no time" to grieve. Consequently, she met Mr Wrong a few years ago and sold HER home to move in with him and his 88 y/o MOTHER in a neighboring state that would double her commute time. The new DH had my niece and her 8 y/o daughter evicted from "his" home while expecting my sister to pay the mortgage! I could go on and on....but I won't. My sister exemplifies what Not To Do after a death of a loved one.
I recommend a book called Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, by David Kessler
In this groundbreaking and “poignant” (Los Angeles Times) book, David Kessler—praised for his work by Maria Shriver, Marianne Williamson, and Mother Teresa—journeys beyond the classic five stages to discover a sixth stage: meaning.
In 1969, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross first identified the stages of dying in her transformative book On Death and Dying. Decades later, she and David Kessler wrote the classic On Grief and Grieving, introducing the stages of grief with the same transformative pragmatism and compassion. Now, based on hard-earned personal experiences, as well as knowledge and wisdom gained through decades of work with the grieving, Kessler introduces a critical sixth stage: Meaning.
Kessler’s insight is both professional and intensely personal. His journey with grief began when, as a child, he witnessed a mass shooting at the same time his mother was dying. For most of his life, Kessler taught physicians, nurses, counselors, police, and first responders about end of life, trauma, and grief, as well as leading talks and retreats for those experiencing grief. Despite his knowledge, his life was upended by the sudden death of his twenty-one-year-old son. How does the grief expert handle such a tragic loss? He knew he had to find a way through this unexpected, devastating loss, a way that would honor his son. That, ultimately, was the sixth stage of grief—meaning. In Finding Meaning, Kessler shares the insights, collective wisdom, and powerful tools that will help those experiencing loss.
“Beautiful, tender, and wise” (Katy Butler, author of The Art of Dying Well), Finding Meaning is “an excellent addition to grief literature that helps pave the way for steps toward healing” (School Library Journal).
Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief https://a.co/d/099MjBio
My condolences on the loss of your dear mom. I truly hope this books helps you by giving you a plan back to LIFE again after your loss.