My mother is 90, has dementia and is now bowel incontinent. How can I prepare her to travel by air?

I have 2 suggestions which may have been posted already: rent a nice big SUV where everybody can be comfortable and private, or get a train ticket which includes one of those cute compartments.

This is a huge mistake to take an already confused person from their familiar surroundings and take them into an unfamiliar area. You don't know that they might not suddenly react to being on a plane, these people can be a bit unpredictable. If you think they're confused now, just wait until they get into an unfamiliar area and especially on a plane, they may panic causing the plane to make an emergency landing at the nearest airport and you'll immediately be deplaned. 

Someone also mentioned hear how tight things are getting on commercial airlines. Putting people through the misery described in that post is something you can take to the people who are over the airlines since they don't have taller people in mind. What they need to do instead of cramming  in more seats and cramming people into them like sardines is maybe put in a second level like a two floor plane. Restore the space and let customers have their leg room back. Not everyone can sit crammed in, some of them may have knee arthritis and not be able to endure even a very short flight let alone three hours. It seems like they don't have certain types of people with physical limits in mind, some of them need leg space and others need to recline a bit due to hip, lumbar arthritis or some other condition that leaves them miserable from sitting too long. They need to install a disability section or best yet make the whole plane disability friendly. Perhaps they should make the whole plane first class for the people with disabilities and maybe this might actually be something you can talk to your state civil rights commission about or maybe even access advocates since different people have different levels of disability in the actual plane seats are not disability friendly and less you get first class. They should actually prioritize people with disabilities and bump them up to first class and turning that section into a disability section should be seriously considered an option that specially since disability access is law everywhere. If someone needs one of those seats are due to a disability then by law the airline must accommodate for the disability as long as it fits into the actual need related to that disability. 

Look at another scenario:

Not only are there permanent disabilities but there are also temporary ones. Let's say you just had knee surgery or broke your leg and your placed into a non-bending cast or knee stabilizer. You're not going to put someone in third class with the legroom if they can't bend their knee, especially if they need to keep that leg elevated. These kinds of things is another example of what those first class seats should be for, people who really need them. 

Another perfect example is if someone experiences foot and leg swelling and needs to elevate, another group of people that should go into first class where the reclining seats are. Putting people into classes is highly unfair anyway and it looks like they definitely don't have people with disabilities in mind if at all. I've watched YouTube videos about how high of standards are expected of stewardesses  so why do you think they're going to provide for your needs unless someone in authority makes it happen? All they care about is money, not the customer and you'd be best off to just take the train and rent an actual sleeping cabin

I couldn’t do this.

Please reconsider taking her on a plane at her age with these issues. It is beyond inconsiderate to her & the other passengers.

This topic is kind of horrifying to a lot of us.....have you flown in the last year?? Planes have removed entire rows of seats and replaced them with MORE seats, making for a VERY tight space in which to sit. I am 5'2" tall and my knees hit the seat in front of me. I'm physically miserable on even a 3 hr flight......and the aisles are barely wide enough to fit the drinks cart. Unless you're in 1st class, how will you maneuver a wheelchair? Everyone has weighed in on how tiny the bathrooms are--one average size person barely fits.
I know you want to do this for your mom, that is sweet---but there are 200+ more people to think about. One person can ruin a flight for everyone. If your mother has an accident while in flight.....think about all the folks around you--how is that going to impact them?
You say mom has dementia. Does she even KNOW that you're planning this trip and does she care? Does she have the capability to "care" at this stage, or are you doing this for you?
I'm leaving on a LONG airplane trip in 2 days and now my anxiety level just ratcheted up by about 75%. I can take crying babies, fussy kids, belligerent drunks--but OMGosh, an elderly incontinent person with dementia sitting next to me....I'm not a happy traveler in the first place and I try to be nice-but not everyone will be so thrilled to see you board that plane.

The OP hasn't come back--maybe she's made better alternate plans.

It's unfortunate Sandylaw hasn't provided additional details. However, there may be an additional factor--because we don't know where they are and where they want to go, we don't know if going by train or other surface transportation is a reasonable option. They may be going between Hawaii and the mainland US (or between other localities separated by water), or perhaps they are in or going to a country or region in which ground transportation is risky, dangerous or inconvenient due to natural factors (e.g., weather, topography) or crime/terrorism/bureaucracy/lack of amenities along route.

When my mother travels (has the same issue and concern), she uses the depends but also puts an extra absorbent pad inside the depends. Besides packing a few in her handbag, she will also bring a small blanket where she can wrap it around her legs and discreetly have a plastic bag between the blanket under her hips so she doesn't have to worry - being "cold" and needing something over her hips helps. That way if an accident does occur, she can take the blanket to cover herself to the bathroom and change. (Don't forget to bring an extra pair of pants (if she has similar items in pants, that's great: the idea is that she's not embarrassed about the accident, her outfit looks the same, and she can maintain a discreetness to it.)

Taking a person with dementia and bowel incontinence on an aeroplane is an abuse of that person! I can't think why on earth you would want to subject your mother to an aeroplane journey, and I wonder why a road trip with appropriate stops and possibly overnight stays in accommodation that will allow your mother the privacy she needs can't be organised. It is bad enough to subject a person with dementia to an aeroplane journey, and likewise for a person who is bowel incontinent it is also a nightmare scenario but for someone who suffers in both these directions it is absolutely inhuman to even contemplate it. If your mother has to travel for medical reasons then arrange the travel with an ambulance. My own mother has had dementia (and wheelchair-bound with bladder incontinence) for seven years and in the first four years I managed her on an aeroplane by using the disabled facilities in the airport at the latest possible time, and by putting double knickers on for the journey as I couldn't get her into the toilet. However, even then with all her padding, she was subjected to extremely rigorous personal searches in these days of terrorist attacks, and that was a very distressing experience for her. I found that as her dementia progressed the physical surroundings of the aeroplane became too confusing for her and on the occasion when she put her shawl over her head I decided this was her way of telling me she'd had enough. Aeroplane journeys dehydrate all people and dehydration worsens dementia and the anxiety dementia patients experience. You can't medically constipate her just to prevent her from going to the toilet - that's inhuman, and on the other hand you can't let her spend hours sitting in her own faeces. Dementia patients are best nursed in a micro-environment, possibly just one room - they are happier in such surroundings. Please, please do not take her on an aeroplane - if you are going on holiday, forget it because it won't be a holiday for her.

Ask your doctor about an anal plug, sort of like a tampon for bowel incontinence. Beware when doing an online search, you will probably get lots of sites advertising sex toys unless you tag on "fecal incontinence". 🙄

Tough call, and I do see both sides. I will be supportive and say I do sympathize with your poor Mom. I am not elderly, but having IBS, I live in fear of having an accident at any given time. I have to diligently plan prior to getting on the plane - no food, no caffeine, take Immodium, etc. I am a very tall, plus size lady and there is no way I could remove clothing and change a depends in that tiny bathroom. That said, I PRAY the restroom is unoccupied when I need it. As others suggest, stock up on pads, use double diapers with inserts, protect the seats in wheelchair, plane and taxi or car when you arrive. I hope you have another person to help you through the flight. Good luck!

There are a few other things to consider like what is her mom's behavior like. Some people with Dementia can be hostile. This could cause a problem on a plane. If she gets nervous and disoriented will she become violent or loud. In this day and age of super security any behavior that is excessive could be grounds to land the plane or delay takeoff. If she does exhibit any kind of violent or irrational behavior it would be best to sedate her in some way. Make sure to check with her doctor. You may also want to give her an anti diarrhea medication starting at least the day before. Yes it could cause her to be constipated but you can deal with that when you get where you are going and it's better than the alternative. Honestly unless it is a life or death trip then I wouldn't do it to her or yourself. If it is to visit a dying relative or attend a funeral or other family event, sorry but she won't remember anyway and it will just cause more stress to everyone. If it's to visit other family, they need to come see her. If you absolutely must do it then I wish you well and I hope everyone around you is patient and kind because yes, those traveling with babies and children can often be annoying and disruptive to others around them just as much. That doesn't mean to be oblivious to the inconvenience to others but just do the best you can and explain if you have too. Sometimes just explaining is enough to help people understand and be patient.

what/when/where is flight? I want to miss that circus.

We don’t know what the reason is that Sandylaw is taking this trip with her mom. Maybe there is a close relative who is not long for this world and time is of the essence. The reason she’s doing this wasn’ t revealed and it’s actually none of our business. She asked for help getting her mom to their destination, not what we thought about her decision. Sure, we all know this will be a trip from Hell. And she probably does too. I’d hope that all other modes of transportation have been explored and discounted.

The only way this will work is with lots of diapers, pads, underpads and Chux, not to mention Ziploc bags for disposal. People take babies on planes all the time. Hopefully she’d be able to travel first class. Hopefully she will have called the airline previously to make sure she’s bringing what she can.

Let’s just cross our fingers for her and wish her well and not assume the worst as to why she’s doing this. Nothing about caregiving is easy. We all sure know that.

My father was dying in Jan. 2017 in the dark in an all but abandoned home in Fort Worth, TX. I live in Phoenix, Arizona and became aware of his status during a visit. He was stage 4 Peostate cancer w/ urine incontinence and on oxygen. The city was going to put him in a nursing home if I left w/out him. He was in no condition to travel but I bought a ticket to PHX and we weathered the trip together with my husband. My dad was barely breathing - it was a struggle, I thought he wouldn’t make it. We sat on row 1, next to the door. Dad tinkled himself during the ride and had on a diaper- the staff was annoyed and gave us eye rolls and stares. Dad was in bad condition I could have used a compassionate stare but they had none to give therefore I didn’t accept the hateful stares they gave me. I met each nasty look with a look that said, “I’m sorry he’s dying too and he’s my dad.” After the longest flight ever we made it Phoenix. Dad and all doctors were surprised. He crossed over in May 2017 (5-months later) in his residence with me, my daughter and husband caring for him. The plane ride was risky but worth it. In the end, the plane crew could use more training. My father had medical clearance to goto Phoenix, all paperwork from TX and hospice care was cleared. It was an honor for me to fly one last time with my dad, a retired USAF Vietnam Veteran. It was rough but worth it. To the person that started this thread, BE ENCOURAGED. You’ll do the right thing. XO.

If you are worried about her flight accomodations -- then PLEASE DON'T SEND HER ON THE PLANE. Rent an RV, take her by car or train -- but please don't do this. Is there a possibility that a sibling or friend could drive halfway and you meet and exchange mom on the middle to ease the trip for both of you?

I can tell you, if I was a passenger or flight attendant and you sent an elder with dementia and known bowel incontinence on a plane trip -- I"d be livid. Frankly, I'd consider it irresponsible unless all other options have been exhausted.

I'm suspecting that the plane fare for you is less expensive then a car/train -- but please, consider others and the difficult trip this will be for your loved one.

Don’t be discouraged by most of the answers on this post. My Dad is 94 and has moderate dementia but continues to travel with me and my husband. Some of our best memories as of late have been on our trips. With planning, airline assistance such as pre boarding and wheelchair boarding can make getting on the plane easier. Using the family restroom prior to boarding and bringing extra depends and clothing are essential. Bring disposable bed pads for the airplane seat, hotel bed and car seat, basically we travel with a suitcase of just supplies. Any games or puzzle books that your loved one enjoys at home could be used to pass the time on the flight. And most of all, don’t be embarrassed by your loved one. If other people have a problem with this we’ll too bad. It’s similar to traveling with a child. Of course check with your doctor to rule out any medical reasons that would rule out travel. I look at it this way, if travel and seeing this beautiful world could bring some glimmer of joy to a mind that may someday not be able to appreciate it anymore, go for it. I wish to the best.

When you put on her regular depends, put an insert in called Tranquility Top Liner Booster pads. I get them on line at amazon usually.They are like long maxi pads, and they absorb an extra 48 ounces. (!!!). Then put an overnight diaper on over the depends. That gives you more backup against leaks. And if necessary, put the plastic pull up diaper cover over the overnight diaper. Take some chucks with you to put between her and the airplane seat. They are like puppy pee pads, but better. Have a couple of bags of disposable wipes available if you can take them as carry on. You may need a note from a doctor. And have disposable gloves, too. Sounds like you have your hands full. Ideally, you would need to travel with another able bodied person, so you can go to the bathroom, etc and not worry about her wandering off or falling. It doesn't sound like a good idea to take someone in her condition on a plane. Maybe whomever you're visiting could fly out to see her instead? Or consider Amtrak.

There is nothing that important that you have to take her on a plane! Don't do it.

BootShopGirl, Bill Bryson tells an amusing story about his flight with a nun, which you might like to look up. I expect you will completely empathise with the nun.

My heart rate just went up reading this. I have been the 3rd seat extra passenger with a 90 year lady and her daughter on a plane. I did not know them. Let's just say I donated most of my socks and I size 5 pair of Nikes to the cause. Yep, that's how much poo and throw up there was. The smell was unbearable, everyone wanted Out. The 1 bathroom was in use all the time so that left others in misery. I'm sorry but if you want "An Affair to Remember", this will be it. This is just another perspective from a passenger view. My heart was breaking for them both.

I can't even imagine undertaking a trip such as what you are suggesting. I can't even get my mom to a doctor appointment without having an "incident" and that's only 15 minutes away. Perhaps those who you are going to visit can come to Mom. That makes the most sense. At 90 with dementia, it is very unlikely that she will remember any of what she will see there. You should re-evaluate why you feel this trip is necessary. Are you doing it for Mom's well-being or your own?

What are your reasons for taking her on a plane trip? You'd better have a pretty darn good reasons for doing this... and visiting family, taking a cruise, etc *do not* qualify. You should have planned this sort of trip earlier, when she was healthier. Think about it... what would it be like for someone to have to sit near your mother... It sounds like your mother could give everyone around a flight to remember. Remember that plane bathrooms are *really* tiny and doing a diaper change while flying is going to be a nightmare--and allowing her to sit in it is *really* going to piss everyone off.

Can Amtrak get you there? Yes, it might take a few days by train, each way, to get her to where she's going? Long distance Amtrak have sleeper cars, with rooms / roomettes. Even though these are small, you'll have a bathroom and a place to care for your mother. She'll be able to get up and move around. She'll be able to look out the window and watch the world go by. She'll sleep in a real bed. She won't have to deal with fairly abrupt changes in altitude. Let Amtrak know about her when you book her travel. Also, the train isn't so stressful.

Have you thought about taking your mom to where she's going by car? I can understand why you want to fly (faster, cheaper). However, you have to think about your mother's needs as well as the needs of others. With a car, you are in control of how far you drive, when you stop for a break, what you visit along the way, etc. Your mom won't become a major inconvenience / flash point for others.

IMHO, I think it would be very wrong and rude for you to fly your mother. If it is at all possible to get her to where she needs to be using ground (but not bus) transportation, do it.

Sandylaw You are a great Daughter to Your Mother I am sure but please DO NOT PUT YOUR MOM THROUGH THIS.
YOUR MOM IS 90, has Dementia is bowel incontinent,
and You want to bring the Crater on an aeroplane. While You did not mention it, but my guess is that You are moving Your Dear Mom to a New Home probably where Your older Sister will Care for Mom ?

You tied up an airplane bathroom for an hour at a time?

I had to edit my response after reading everyone's. I took my mom to the Philippines and that was a 22hrs flight. Everyone told me I was crazy but when you love someone, anything is possible. I would not suggest to travel alone with her but I had my spouse and my sister in law. You need to be systemic. I schedule her food and her bathroom breaks. I had the same issue with my mom. So I let her sit on the toilet for an hr and give her food and medication while she's sitting. That encourages her to go. This avoids any accident or incident. By doing this on schedule, it allows me to take her anywhere ever since. Btw, my mom was also wheelchair bound but can stand up in one feet. God bless you and good luck. 

Personally...I would not do this for all the reasons mentioned. Its hard enough changing and cleaning up in their own bathroom let alone in an airport.

A plane ride that's three hours long may as well be a plane ride that's 30 hours long. My MIL had bowel incontinence and, thankfully, not dementia. Airplane bathrooms are useless for your purposes because your mother cannot use it by herself and there is not room enough for you in there with her. You will need to find and use the handicapped accessible bathrooms both at departure and arrival. Use the airports' wheelchair attendant services because they will know where those bathrooms are. And give them a tip - $5 or so - to let them know that you appreciate their patience.

That said, why is this flight necessary?

I really want to know why oh why would you take a person in this condition on an airplane? What could be so urgent that this seems like a good idea?

I really want to know why oh why would you take a person in this condition on an airplane? What could be so urgent that this seems like a good idea?

Try to put as many safeguards in place as you can think of. Plan for emergencies.

Talk to her doctor about the trip in general but about her bowel incontinence as well. If she's taking something like Miralax see if the doctor thinks it's ok to stop her Miralax several days ahead of time.

If she's not on an anti-anxiety medication see if the doctor will prescribe one. If you find you have to use it try 1/2 dose first to see how it affects her. You can always give her the other 1/2 in about 30 minutes in you have to.

A prophylactic Immodium is a good idea but discuss with the doctor first. You don't want to bind your mom up and then have a problem getting her back on her regular schedule especially while traveling.

Pack a bag. Depends, meds, as many wipes as you can stuff in there. Pack some high protein snacks and water bottles, Kleenex, chocolate, and anything your mom has that helps to soothe her. Something from home, something familiar. A small photo album or anything that will distract her.

Talk to the airline regarding your mom's incontinence. If you're sitting on the plane and she has a BM people will complain. I know you'll get her to the bathroom as soon as it happens but it's hard to rush a 90 year old with dementia without her becoming agitated, especially if she has to navigate across seats or other passengers and down the aisle.

I wish you luck.