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She uses a bedside commode and I’m fine with that but when she stands to use it, she loses control and pees on the floor. She’s recovering from a broken hip and says it too hard to pull pants up and down.
My mom gave up wearing pants and tops and moved into the world of housecoats and muu-muus. She also experienced bladder leakage upon standing and only had a minute to get her pants off--many times not making it at all.
Changing out to clothing that was easier to put on and take off and was breezier and lighter made a huge difference.
Before she made the clothing change on her own--she was always wetting herself and smelled pretty bad. We had to have that uncomfortable conversation with her about the smell and the fact that her bed & chairs had been soaked a few times. After she accepted that this was the new norm for her, she changed her clothing. And we insisted that she wear minimally a pad in her underwear. If she'll change it frequently, it's much better.
Have you talked to mom about the hassle of cleaning up after the fact? Once mom understood that--it was easier to help her help herself.
How does she not go to the bathroom on her muumuu and/or housecoat? I had to take my. mom's bathrobes away due to finding poop on them a couple times. Nope. Not in my house - especially since she had no clue that she'd gotten poop on it and would have been sitting here, there, everywhere, spreading it all around. So. Gross.
Did she live with you before the broken hip? Did she go to rehab after the break? Did she already have incontinence? Is she just not wearing underwear at all? Is there anything you can put down on the floor where she stands up and/or around the commode that wouldn't be a trip hazard? Towel? Rug?
That was my thought. My mom broke her femur and was bot incontinent, after 8 weeks in rehab she was incontinent they complained about it at our weekly meetings. My response was she was continent before she came in here. Maybe you need to respond to her potty calls instead of coming in and saying ok then not return for an hour. I said I would of been incontinent too. .
She needs help on the commode and to wear adult briefs, both. She's living in your home and if she'd like to continue with that privilege, then she has to play by your house rules. Cleaning up urine all day bc she's "refusing" to wear Depends that will solve that problem is no longer acceptable mom. Once she's fully recovered and having no more accidents, then she can ditch the Depends.
LOs said/believed they didn't need Depends - but when I saw wet clothing & furniture I begged to differ. Just matter of fact: I see this - therefore wear the appropriate garments in my house or car - or do not enter.
Incontinence should be the line in the sand to put her in a facility. Especially if she's (essentially) purposely doing it because she's refusing to pull down her pants.
She needs a mental health evaluation because this behavior is outside the limit of normal. There is no reasoning with her because her brain isn’t functioning correctly. Next to a facility that can handle this complex problem. Good luck.
Mom didn't have any broken bones, but incontinence for her was same--she would pee all over the floor, commode seat, her legs, pants, socks, slippers.....when she stood at the commode. She just couldn't get turned around and get sweatpants down and then lower herself quick enough. It was too much for her brain to tell her body to do. When she came to live with me, that was the line in the sand. Either she wear depends or she can't stay here. It is just too much work for me to clean her, her clothes, the floor, commode, the hallway and everywhere else she walked/sat when she had to pee. It took 6 months to get the depends to be a routine for her because of dementia. Her dementia progressed to the point now I have to toilet her every 2-3 hours during day. I don't let her use the commode by herself any longer. At night she uses a top quality overnight brief (sometimes with liner). She rarely gets up during the night now, but it was a struggle for her to come to finally peeing in the overnight brief instead of getting up. Whether your mom's incontinence problem is due to her broken hip, stubbornness, or beginning of dementia doesn't matter. Unless you want your house to reek of urine, insisting she wear depends is a must. For insurance and peace of mind you may consider actually toileting her in this transition time.
I wouldn't be rushing straight to a psych eval or NH yet!
But I would be asking questions - starting with Mom.
".. and says it too hard to pull pants up and down".
Why??
Q. Is this a balance issue? Being able to balance while holding a walking frame/letting go the frame while trying to wrangle the pants? If so, this equates to assistance being required from another person.
Q. Is this a pride issue? Misguided refusal to ask for help, thinking this makes her still independent? (Ignoring you having to clean up of course).
Both of these would get a 'get over it Mom' response from me.
Just use blunt common sense. You had surgery. You need a little help while you recover. For goodness sake, wear these pullups style briefs until you are recovered. I will help. Then go back to regular underwear.
PS Does Mom have help on call? Because if she is *assist x 1* but no-one is home/available when she needs help, you may need another solution.
She spent nights at my home but was at her home during the day, before she fell. Incontinence wasn’t an issue. I think she’s having trouble pulling pants up and down during her recovery time. She doesn’t want to wear anything except a nightgown with nothing underneath. I’m sure it’s easier to maneuver this way.
My mother does this. Nightgown and no underwear. She says she can get on the toilet faster. Which used to be the case. Not anymore. Peeing before she can even get to the toilet.
Until you find a solution to keep mom from peeing on the floor, I recommend you put down a big disposable under pad at her feet before getting her up. That way her pee will be on the pad and not the floor making it wet and slippery. Is the commode right next to the bed? Put a big pad under/infront of it, too, to catch spilled urine. Also, make sure she doesn't trip on the pad either. I know, I know. More work, but less mess.
Tough problem…A towel or pad on the floor may cause another fall. Try a thin incontinence pad in her usual undies. {not the thick overnight ones}. My mom finds them comfortable.. Good luck
No pads or NH needed. I found numerous plastic collection receptacles online last year, cheap, effective, user-friendly, molded to the female shape, and overall looks like a garden watering can minus the spout. I got a dainty container, fitted, you sit on edge of bed, or even stand, holding it under you snugly, then pee. It is spill resistant. Empty it later. I looked for my container so I could share the mfr., but probably just from China. I'm sorry I could not locate the link just now, but when I searched last year, I saw numerous versions of this. I just searched Amazon now and didn't find it. Meanwhile: Create a DIY modified repurposed milk carton, cardboard or plastic, that can be grasped. Have a nearby surface to place it on. Have options -- get a couple bedpans, different styles. There is the more expensive and cumbersome Pure-Wick system. (she probably won't like it). And female urine collection containers (plastic) in the bedpan category. The above suggestions are really great tips to have in your portfolio! Hope she gets better soon. PS - I'd also search for nightgowns that might have wetness absorbancy in the back for accidents and leaks.
Rub her nose in it and paddle her with a news paper....
If she she can't put on diapers then put pads down on the floor that is what I would do. I'm just interjecting levity in. I've taken care of my chronically ill mother since 2004 so I find humor helps.
Blue pads are my best friend. They help in so many situations. These are the ones we use. You can get thicker and bigger ones. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B006M5ZC5A?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details
You might consider putting plastic runners or matt on the flooring under that? Saves the floor and helps cleanup. Most importantly love on her and tell her that you do. That's the best medicine in the world. You will be glad you did.
Ps. If the adult diaper is wet just snip it off with a pair of scissors that way she doesn't have to pull them off. That is what we do. Easy peasy. Of course the scissors are stored in a safe spot and the diaper is pulled down away from her skin.
snipping with scissors can be difficult and potentially dangerous. All the incontinent underwear is designed to be torn apart from the waist to the leg opening.
They make incontinence underwear that are like diapers and have side tabs for on and off. You can stress that it’s just until she can start putting pants on and get to the bathroom if she’s hesitant because they are so much like diapers.
My mom was not recovering from any type of medical procedures or falls but she resisted the pads and pullups. She and my Pop were sleeping in their birthday suits so it was a big shift (for both of them) for my mom to start wearing pullups. Every morning there would be a trail of pee-drops from the bed to the bathroom that I could see on their bedroom floor. To our surprise, she eventually recognized her need for pads and pullups and has been wearing both for months.
My mom isn't at a stage where I need to "pitch her a hard ball" and suggest a nursing home as a form of behavior modification. (Thank Goodness!) I hope your mom recognizes your love for her. God bless you for trying to a find a way to take good care of your mom even when she is protesting what's in her best interest. It isn't easy. It looks like you're doing a great job.
She may be waiting to long to get up and use the commode. Particularly if it is painful for her to get up and she is slow to do so. Get her on a shorter schedule so she has more time to get up and position herself. Placing disposable pads on the floor might be risky particularly if she is unsteady. The underside of the pad is a more slick, nonabsorbent layer and that can slide on the floor. I would get one of the runners or "plastic" pieces they put under office chairs, some of them have grippy bits on the back so they do not slide on carpet so if there is carpet that would be ideal. The surface can be wiped down and if it is large enough it will not run off before it can be wiped up. There are tools that make pulling up underwear and pants easier just do a quick search for "assistive device to help pull up pants"
Have you tried pee pads for the mattress and the floor? 3 Pack Washable Underpads for Bed - Ultra Soft Incontinence Bed Pee Pads Waterproof Mattress Pad Cover for Baby and Adults,18"X24" https://a.co/d/6ntSEip My mom can’t wear depends either and we keep this on top of her mattress in case she has an accident. You can throw it right in the washing machine. Maybe you can put it on the floor next to her as well. I don’t think the underside is slippery but you need to check for a fall risk.
Mine did too until I told her something and she's been wearing them ever since. The ones I buy look like underwear but with the genital area heavily padded. So I told her they're called Pan-tex. Kotex and panties combined. Now she wears them. Who knew! Good luck. I know what you're going through. Just don't call them adult diapers. Call them pantexes. (wink)
I would put down a large piece of plastic or better yet puppy pads for large dogs. They work very well to absorb liquid and stop it from going through to your flooring.
A couple of things. Put pads down on the floor. You can get pet training pads and large pads for the bed just put them on the floor like a rug. next you can get diapers that you do not have to pull up. They have tabs on the side with something like Velcro.
my wife broke her hip and while it healed ok she never recovered. Keep her moving for a full recovery. Do whatever it takes. Good luck.
How about having her just hold a pad in place while moving from bed to commode? Simple for a temporary solution and she doesn’t have to ‘wear’ anything.
I agree with the pad on the floor. Heck, newspaper or plastic like tarp? They also have depends that tape on the side like diapers. I tried those yesterday (UNSUCCESSFUL, didn’t know what to do I guess) went back to normal ones. Good luck.
If you’re mom is aware of what’s happening, how about reversing roles and ask her what would she do if it were you going through this? Just wondering what her answer may be and you never know there may be a solution within😊
Waterproof flooring may be the answer for those who are adamant with keeping the patient at home. I prefer BurntCaregiver's suggestion, "Pull-ups (with the bandage scissors) or placement."
1. Have the (uncomfortable) direct talk with her about problem, smell, destroyed property, embarrassment, and the only solution.
2. Large puppy pads on bed, furniture, and car seats. Keep a white towel on top of the puppy pad on furniture that you can easily wash and bleach.
3. Quietly remove and hide her wardrobe of panties. In the same place she kept her panties, put a large, well stocked stash of Depends. That way she has no choice.
there is a product PureWick external catheter for women. It is not covered by Medicare or Insurance but it is fabulous for individuals who are confined to bed with incontinence. It is a little pricey but worth every penny and is a great preventive of UTI. That said an uncomfortable conversation is needed. When my mom was recovering from her colon cancer surgery she was anxious about wearing incontinent panties. Fortunately, her great granddaughter was beginning to be toilet trained and loved wearing her big girl pull up pants. So, we told mom that she would be helping her great grand with her training by telling her that she also wears big girl pull up pants to prevent accidents. And it worked! So now we call Depends the big girl pull up pants not diapers because that term is a tad bit insulting for an adult. We even got the nursing home and in-home teams to use the phrase adult pull up pants and they said it worked with their most difficult patients. Also, not every pull up is comfortable and you may want to try a couple of different ones. Mom liked the Poise and Always pull ups.
I was hospitalized back in April 2022 due to a fall and cracked femur. Surgery was not necessary. The entire week or so that I was in the hospital I had one of the devices you describe. I am female. It just lays against your external front genitals and wicks the urine away. If you have to have a BM, you simply ring for the nurse and can use the bedpan. I did not venture off the bed - even if they were changing sheets which they did while skillfully moving me from one side of bed to the other. I was released to a rehab facility. I then had in home physical therapy. It is now August and I am mobile with a walker. Still have leg pain but it is gradually improving as my mobility improves. Age is 81.
Brendapesce: Since she is residing in your house, she doesn't get to decide if she wears Depends or pads. It is imperative that she wear a product to catch the urine. Additionally, you may want to check for OAB (Overactive Bladder) since she is not able to contain the urine before toileting in the bedside commode. Perhaps she needs to see a urologist. There is medication for OAB called Myrbetriq.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
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I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
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This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
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You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Changing out to clothing that was easier to put on and take off and was breezier and lighter made a huge difference.
Before she made the clothing change on her own--she was always wetting herself and smelled pretty bad. We had to have that uncomfortable conversation with her about the smell and the fact that her bed & chairs had been soaked a few times. After she accepted that this was the new norm for her, she changed her clothing. And we insisted that she wear minimally a pad in her underwear. If she'll change it frequently, it's much better.
Have you talked to mom about the hassle of cleaning up after the fact? Once mom understood that--it was easier to help her help herself.
I had to install my house + my car rules.
LOs said/believed they didn't need Depends - but when I saw wet clothing & furniture I begged to differ. Just matter of fact: I see this - therefore wear the appropriate garments in my house or car - or do not enter.
I wouldn't be rushing straight to a psych eval or NH yet!
But I would be asking questions - starting with Mom.
".. and says it too hard to pull pants up and down".
Why??
Q. Is this a balance issue? Being able to balance while holding a walking frame/letting go the frame while trying to wrangle the pants? If so, this equates to assistance being required from another person.
Q. Is this a pride issue?
Misguided refusal to ask for help, thinking this makes her still independent? (Ignoring you having to clean up of course).
Both of these would get a 'get over it Mom' response from me.
Just use blunt common sense. You had surgery. You need a little help while you recover. For goodness sake, wear these pullups style briefs until you are recovered. I will help. Then go back to regular underwear.
PS Does Mom have help on call? Because if she is *assist x 1* but no-one is home/available when she needs help, you may need another solution.
Either it's use a pull-up until regular underwear can be used again, or recover in a nursing home.
There's no reason why you should have to be mopping up urine from your floors and doing non-stop laundry. A pull-up would solve this problem.
Pull-up or a nursing home.
Trust me, she'll choose the pull-up.
If she she can't put on diapers then put pads down on the floor that is what I would do.
I'm just interjecting levity in. I've taken care of my chronically ill mother since 2004 so I find humor helps.
Blue pads are my best friend. They help in so many situations.
These are the ones we use. You can get thicker and bigger ones.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B006M5ZC5A?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details
You might consider putting plastic runners or matt on the flooring under that? Saves the floor and helps cleanup.
Most importantly love on her and tell her that you do. That's the best medicine in the world. You will be glad you did.
My mom isn't at a stage where I need to "pitch her a hard ball" and suggest a nursing home as a form of behavior modification. (Thank Goodness!) I hope your mom recognizes your love for her. God bless you for trying to a find a way to take good care of your mom even when she is protesting what's in her best interest. It isn't easy. It looks like you're doing a great job.
Get her on a shorter schedule so she has more time to get up and position herself.
Placing disposable pads on the floor might be risky particularly if she is unsteady. The underside of the pad is a more slick, nonabsorbent layer and that can slide on the floor.
I would get one of the runners or "plastic" pieces they put under office chairs, some of them have grippy bits on the back so they do not slide on carpet so if there is carpet that would be ideal. The surface can be wiped down and if it is large enough it will not run off before it can be wiped up.
There are tools that make pulling up underwear and pants easier just do a quick search for "assistive device to help pull up pants"
3 Pack Washable Underpads for Bed - Ultra Soft Incontinence Bed Pee Pads Waterproof Mattress Pad Cover for Baby and Adults,18"X24" https://a.co/d/6ntSEip
My mom can’t wear depends either and we keep this on top of her mattress in case she has an accident. You can throw it right in the washing machine. Maybe you can put it on the floor next to her as well. I don’t think the underside is slippery but you need to check for a fall risk.
next you can get diapers that you do not have to pull up. They have tabs on the side with something like Velcro.
my wife broke her hip and while it healed ok she never recovered. Keep her moving for a full recovery. Do whatever it takes. Good luck.
2. Large puppy pads on bed, furniture, and car seats. Keep a white towel on top of the puppy pad on furniture that you can easily wash and bleach.
3. Quietly remove and hide her wardrobe of panties. In the same place she kept her panties, put a large, well stocked stash of Depends. That way she has no choice.
That said an uncomfortable conversation is needed. When my mom was recovering from her colon cancer surgery she was anxious about wearing incontinent panties. Fortunately, her great granddaughter was beginning to be toilet trained and loved wearing her big girl pull up pants. So, we told mom that she would be helping her great grand with her training by telling her that she also wears big girl pull up pants to prevent accidents. And it worked!
So now we call Depends the big girl pull up pants not diapers because that term is a tad bit insulting for an adult. We even got the nursing home and in-home teams to use the phrase adult pull up pants and they said it worked with their most difficult patients.
Also, not every pull up is comfortable and you may want to try a couple of different ones. Mom liked the Poise and Always pull ups.
Still have leg pain but it is gradually improving as my mobility improves. Age is 81.