The niece is in charge of her and has POA and the other sister-in-law makes all the decisions for the family and basically forced her into this situation. She calls my husband crying because she doesn't want to be there and says she wants to die. She is 74 years old and has always been social and independent. The memory care unit is where people are non verbal or don't really speak and socialize. I don't see any way out for her since we don't have any control over this situation, but I would love to help get her back into assisted living in the same building.
Instead of you and your husband feeding into her distress, perhaps it best that you allow your SIL to adjust to her new home as it often takes several weeks for one to do so. And that may very well mean not taking her calls or going to see her for a bit.
I've been in many memory care units and while there are some there that are non-verbal, most still like to socialize with their neighbors, and they all have activities. In fact most memory care units will allow their patients to attend the activities in the assisted living part of the facility if their minds are not too far gone.
So give it time. Your SIL will never get better but will only continue to get worse, so I'm guessing she's right where she needs to be.
On the other side, if she is a flight risk and has dementia/Alzheimer’s that may be the best place for her. It’s pretty common for memory care residents to believe they’re not like the other people there, and that they don’t belong “with all these old people”.
The other SIL. What do you mean she makes the decisions for family. If there is a POA in place that person makes all the decisions for the person who assigned her.