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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Things my husband has tried to eat: His hearing aids. Part of a table decoration at a restaurant. Legos. Flowers from the yard. Sticks from the yard. His knuckle. My knuckle. His glasses. His other glasses. His toothbrush. A centipede. The hospice nurse's notebook. Pens. Pencils. His bib. His shirt. Buttons from his shirt. Sharp pieces of plastic. The top from a pudding cup. A busy board. A screw. Used toilet paper. My phone. Many napkins. Pieces of paper. His watch. A knob off something. Tape. A letter opener. His fork. His sippy cup. Other cups. The table cloth. And on and on.
Chiding him doesn't work because he doesn't know he's doing anything wrong. Redirecting him doesn't work because he will find a way to eat something else. Teaching him doesn't work because his brain can't learn. This behavior started at least three years ago. It will last until he dies.
The question is, how long can you deal with it? And if you can't, when will you be ready to place her where many caregivers' eyes will be upon her and the environment is regularly cleared of things she shouldn't put in her mouth?
Why do you allow her to have access to the toothpaste and toothbrushes then. This is dangerous and she's going to hurt herself. If she's eating everything in sight that's pretty dangerous too.
If you're planning on keeping her home and not putting her in a memory care facility, the house has to be 'baby-proofed'. At this point you are living with an adult-sized toddler who is still mobile. She will have to be supervised 24/7 the same as a toddler and you have to lock up everything.
Do you have any outside homecare help coming in? Looking into in-home care is a good idea. Also, is there an adult daycare facility in your area? This could also be a great help to you. Many adult daycares also do showers for clients so that's one less thing you will have to deal with.
I was a homecare worker for a very long time before going into the business of it. I will tell you honestly here. When a person is into the behaviors of eating everything in sight and brushing their teeth 20 times a day, that's not the early stages of Alzheimer's. That's the stage where considering placement in a memory care facility or 24-hour, live-in help is necessary.
Your wife likely needs medication to help calm her compulsive behaviors. Please speak to her doctor about it. You may need to limit her access to food, toothpaste, and many other household items. I’m sorry you’re in this new place with her and wish you both peace
This is more advanced than early Alzheimer’s. She’s now into the moderate stage where you can expect anything and everything to happen. It’s time to find caregivers to help both of you. Start looking into it now, and don’t think you can handle everything all by yourself. Good luck with finding what you need.
This may escalate to eating non-food items, including some that may be unhealthy, unsanitary, poisonous, or choking hazards. Talk with her neurologist right away about medication for this. And do toddler-proofing in your house -- prescriptions, cleaning supplies, even shampoo and soap locked up and out of reach. I'm sorry, it must be so frustrating. I suggest you start considering memory care for in case you can't get this under control.
[ Moderators, please relocate to the Questions section, thx ]
Remove the toothpaste and brush (and hide yours). She can cause sores in her mouth from all that brushing and may develop an infection and pain. It's not worth it. She doesn't have to brush her teeth. If you think she won't drink it, consider a mouth wash once or twice a day. Maybe use one for kids, keep it hidden when not in use.
I agree with talking to her doctor today about this OCD behavior and meds to address it. Yes, she can move on to eating non-food items so watch what she is doing to make sure this in fact isn't already happening.
If you try to stop what she is doing this may stress her out, or lead to an argument that is not good for either of you so adjust what is happening. Change her toothbrush to one with very soft bristles. This is easier on the teeth. Change the toothpaste to either one for children or look for one with no fluoride. Fluoride is not good to swallow and may cause stomach upset.
If you can redirect her on some of the teeth brushing episodes that will help but again with any dementia you "pick your battles" and I think this is one you can let go.
Leave out foods that she can have safely. Fruits Vegetables bottles of water. When it is time for a meal rather than serving an entire meal serve it in "courses" For example if your breakfast would be a cup of coffee, toast, eggs, a piece of fruit rather than putting it out all at one time maybe have 1 slice of toast and a cup of coffee. 15 or 20 minutes later some scrambled eggs and maybe another bit of fruit.. Wait another half hour and the other slice of toast. You do the same for lunch and dinner. Yup she will be eating very small portions all day. Her brain is not sending the signal that she is full,. Her brain is broken and does not recall if she ate and how much she ate. This eating all the time and brushing teeth may last a while then it may abruptly stop. My Husband shaved probably as often as your wife brushes her teeth. Luck would have it that I had switched him to an electric razor years before so I was not real concerned and it did make it easier when he stopped shaving and I had to do it for him The same may happen to your wife so if she is not using an electric toothbrush you might want to switch to one. 2 reasons for this. 1. It will make it easier for you when you have to brush her teeth for her. 2. She may no know how to use the electric one and may stop brushing on her own. She would rely on you to help her.
Excellent post. One thing I ran into with husband is that he became frustrated and then angry if he was instructed not to do something. I always used a gentle tone when telling him, but that didn't matter. His brain wanted to do what it wanted to do. BTW, he is normally the mildest of men. OP, if you have to tell wife not to do something, be prepared. She could hit something (my H hit a table and split the seams apart), she could hit you (shocking but it happens), she could throw things, and H has pulled the hair of aides when they were trying to coax him into the bathroom. Beware.
Wow. A lot of these responses are a bit shocking. Firstly: Congratulations on making it this far into a confusing journey. Caregiving is not for wimps.
You know your wife, and you know her staging. We were lucky enough to work with an Alzheimer's Institute early on and found out that "eating everything in sight" was common during early Alzheimer's. How bizarre, right? Also common? The obsessive behaviors. My grandmother would wash her face TWENTY-SIX or more times...in a row. She would get stuck. Mentally. It was horrible. She doesn't do it some much anymore that she has progressed but every now and again, I have to remind her that she has already done her face and it's time to move on. (I put a note on the mirror with the morning routine steps, and that worked for a few years.)
Anyhow: You're going to have to take her toothbrush--and yours. Get her a "baby" toothbrush. They make them with silicone bristles and also regular bristles in adult sizes. I bought one when I had a tooth surgery. Get her some all natural toothpaste to keep her safe. Only put the toothpaste out in the morning--but if you forget then it will be okay.
Also, it sounds crazy, but when my grandmother was in early stage, we got cabinet locks and refrigerator locks. She had no impulse control and her inner gobblin would go after anything with a hint of sugar. Milk, tomato sauce, ALL of the fruit, baguette, biscuits, etc. So we learned to keep mealtime very regular, and we locked things up if there was no one around to supervise. My biggest fear is that something could happen to me ans everything would be locked up and she would starve. So we created a "grandma cabinet" with all sorts of healthy goodies that she could nosh on. That cabinet was always unlocked and she took great delight in thinking that she was sneaking into something. Ironically, it is grandma who started "the toddler cabinet". When I was younger, one of her bottom cabinets had pots, pans, wooden spoons, toddler crackers, and apple sauce cups in there. Any kid who came into the house could crawl over there and bang out a few pot and pan tunes while grabbing a snack. Lol.
The big thing is, in these early stages, just prepare your house like you would a toddler. (Including the electrical outlets and stairs.) Your wife likely has a routine and her brain gets stuck in part of that routine. She knows what she is supposed to do and also doesn't remember that she already did it. So ease her into a new routine that works for you, and toddler-proof the house little by little.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Chiding him doesn't work because he doesn't know he's doing anything wrong. Redirecting him doesn't work because he will find a way to eat something else. Teaching him doesn't work because his brain can't learn. This behavior started at least three years ago. It will last until he dies.
The question is, how long can you deal with it? And if you can't, when will you be ready to place her where many caregivers' eyes will be upon her and the environment is regularly cleared of things she shouldn't put in her mouth?
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
If you're planning on keeping her home and not putting her in a memory care facility, the house has to be 'baby-proofed'. At this point you are living with an adult-sized toddler who is still mobile. She will have to be supervised 24/7 the same as a toddler and you have to lock up everything.
Do you have any outside homecare help coming in? Looking into in-home care is a good idea. Also, is there an adult daycare facility in your area? This could also be a great help to you. Many adult daycares also do showers for clients so that's one less thing you will have to deal with.
I was a homecare worker for a very long time before going into the business of it. I will tell you honestly here. When a person is into the behaviors of eating everything in sight and brushing their teeth 20 times a day, that's not the early stages of Alzheimer's. That's the stage where considering placement in a memory care facility or 24-hour, live-in help is necessary.
Remove the toothpaste and brush (and hide yours). She can cause sores in her mouth from all that brushing and may develop an infection and pain. It's not worth it. She doesn't have to brush her teeth. If you think she won't drink it, consider a mouth wash once or twice a day. Maybe use one for kids, keep it hidden when not in use.
I agree with talking to her doctor today about this OCD behavior and meds to address it. Yes, she can move on to eating non-food items so watch what she is doing to make sure this in fact isn't already happening.
Change her toothbrush to one with very soft bristles. This is easier on the teeth.
Change the toothpaste to either one for children or look for one with no fluoride. Fluoride is not good to swallow and may cause stomach upset.
If you can redirect her on some of the teeth brushing episodes that will help but again with any dementia you "pick your battles" and I think this is one you can let go.
Leave out foods that she can have safely.
Fruits
Vegetables
bottles of water.
When it is time for a meal rather than serving an entire meal serve it in "courses"
For example if your breakfast would be a cup of coffee, toast, eggs, a piece of fruit rather than putting it out all at one time maybe have 1 slice of toast and a cup of coffee. 15 or 20 minutes later some scrambled eggs and maybe another bit of fruit.. Wait another half hour and the other slice of toast.
You do the same for lunch and dinner. Yup she will be eating very small portions all day.
Her brain is not sending the signal that she is full,. Her brain is broken and does not recall if she ate and how much she ate.
This eating all the time and brushing teeth may last a while then it may abruptly stop.
My Husband shaved probably as often as your wife brushes her teeth. Luck would have it that I had switched him to an electric razor years before so I was not real concerned and it did make it easier when he stopped shaving and I had to do it for him
The same may happen to your wife so if she is not using an electric toothbrush you might want to switch to one. 2 reasons for this.
1. It will make it easier for you when you have to brush her teeth for her.
2. She may no know how to use the electric one and may stop brushing on her own. She would rely on you to help her.
You know your wife, and you know her staging. We were lucky enough to work with an Alzheimer's Institute early on and found out that "eating everything in sight" was common during early Alzheimer's. How bizarre, right? Also common? The obsessive behaviors. My grandmother would wash her face TWENTY-SIX or more times...in a row. She would get stuck. Mentally. It was horrible. She doesn't do it some much anymore that she has progressed but every now and again, I have to remind her that she has already done her face and it's time to move on. (I put a note on the mirror with the morning routine steps, and that worked for a few years.)
Anyhow: You're going to have to take her toothbrush--and yours. Get her a "baby" toothbrush. They make them with silicone bristles and also regular bristles in adult sizes. I bought one when I had a tooth surgery. Get her some all natural toothpaste to keep her safe. Only put the toothpaste out in the morning--but if you forget then it will be okay.
Also, it sounds crazy, but when my grandmother was in early stage, we got cabinet locks and refrigerator locks. She had no impulse control and her inner gobblin would go after anything with a hint of sugar. Milk, tomato sauce, ALL of the fruit, baguette, biscuits, etc. So we learned to keep mealtime very regular, and we locked things up if there was no one around to supervise. My biggest fear is that something could happen to me ans everything would be locked up and she would starve. So we created a "grandma cabinet" with all sorts of healthy goodies that she could nosh on. That cabinet was always unlocked and she took great delight in thinking that she was sneaking into something. Ironically, it is grandma who started "the toddler cabinet". When I was younger, one of her bottom cabinets had pots, pans, wooden spoons, toddler crackers, and apple sauce cups in there. Any kid who came into the house could crawl over there and bang out a few pot and pan tunes while grabbing a snack. Lol.
The big thing is, in these early stages, just prepare your house like you would a toddler. (Including the electrical outlets and stairs.) Your wife likely has a routine and her brain gets stuck in part of that routine. She knows what she is supposed to do and also doesn't remember that she already did it. So ease her into a new routine that works for you, and toddler-proof the house little by little.
You've got this. You're doing great.
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