In mid July a relative told my mother that I was in the process of placing her in a long term and taking her assets. All of which is untrue. Everyone that knows my mother knows she fears any kind of institutional care because she was raised in an orphanage. Using this lie they then took my mother to her banks and opened a joint acct at 1 and transferred the money from another to their own account, including her monthly social security check (since resolved). She was told not to answer my calls and did not.
Long story short about 12 days later I received a call from the state social worker telling me has dementia she is in the hospital,. Then a couple of days later I am told by the hospital social worker "she is of her own person".
She was told at discharge from the hospital she could either go home with me, go to long term care of adult foster care. She came home with me.
Also at her discharge the hospital did not tell me she had or has any mental illness, even though she signed the HEPPA form to allow me to discuss and have any medical records. I was given instructions to care for her broken arm, acquired while with the relative that took her money, days prior to her recent hospitalization. I DISCOVERED BY RESEARCHING SHE IS TAKING MEDICATION FOR DEMENTIA AND SCHIZOPHRENIA/BI-POLAR. I immediately contacted the hospital medical social worker who confirmed she was on this type of medication, was surprised the doctor did not come talk to me/us before discharge and told me the diagnosing doctor had minimal training in the area and is not certified.
My mother use to work with the mentally impaired and was an ombudsman for people in long term care. She knows her rights. She will not voluntarily take testing or give anyone DPOA. She believes people want to control her or put her in long term care.
She did file a police report under the "Elder Law" against the relative that took her money, most of which has been spent on a "new home". It is under investigation. I was told she will have to testify. I know she cannot do this because she does have something wrong mentally. I do not know what it is because I am not a doctor.
Why do I say this: She hallucinates, seeing things that are not there or happening. She is paranoid and trusts no one. Her events begin at dusk. She will repeatedly ask the same questions on issues that have happened that day/hour to within the last 5 or 6 years, but is able to remember events long ago. She states that the relative that did this to her lives with her. This person has not lived with her for 40 years. She also states she has not seen or talked to me for 20 years, but I spoke with her everyone 2 or 3 days (we are separated by mileage), visiting and doing repairs to her home as often as I could She often says she is not hungry, but practically licks her plate or she cannot remember if or what she ate. When I discovered she was urinating in a bucket in her bedroom she told me she was not able to hold her urine long enough to get to the bathroom. These are just a few examples of her state of mind/actions.
What do I do? I have no legal authority, she will not cooperate because of her fear. She is currently in my home but I cannot afford to financially support her and cannot ask others to continue to care for her. Quitting work to care for her is not an option for me.
She does not realize she has something wrong mentally and wants to go home after her cast is removed. She currently blames her mental state on hitting her head when she fell, but thinks she is getting better.
I need her to be diagnosed so she is cared for properly mentally, physically and financially. I also need to prove to the courts she will not be able to testify in her own behalf because it is difficult for her to remember current events unless you repeatedly remind her what happened.
On an average she has been in the hospital once a month since January. She refused to allow her medical information released to anyone, until the last hospitalization, so I do not know why she was hospitalized, However, even though she gave permission for the last hospitalization they did not tell me why she was there. Her records were requested with my mom's signature to be sent to my home but I have yet to receive them.
It has been suggested to me that I allow her to go home, knowing she will again be hospitalized. When the hospital contacts me again refuse to take her home until they have had her mentally diagnosed by a certified geriatric psychologist, even though SHE WILL NOT COOPERATE, and run the necessary tests for her medical condition. She has stated she has some medical conditions that I was not informed of and have no records of.
I am lost and do not know how to handle this situation.
Keep in mind that getting an accurate diagnosis by a qualified geriatric psychiatrist can also help her return to independence once treated properly.
You need an advocate for mom.
Things may need to go back there. Mom may need to go back to her home. Something will occur. And this time, you will tell the powers that be that you are not available . Your mom needs a guardian appointed by the state who can force placement . Yes. It's very sad. But without your mom's cooperation ( which she can't give, not her fault) it may be the only way to go.
Feeling lost? It's working. Time for some tough love.
P.S. I am an advocate for letting the patient choose to run their own life, as long as theg are nof a danger to themselves or others. This is hurting you, therefore, the 5150 hold to be evaluated. How do you provide for that to happen? Take her to her own home.
I doubt if any doctor or medical personnel would actually meet with you to discuss meds; someone might give you a call, more likely a nurse or PA rather than the doctor.
I don't understand your statement that you "cannot even get the doctor(s) to give me FMLA." Is your employer a doctor?
sendme2help give a hug. I too believe everyone should be able to live how and where they want, not just the elderly. In 2010 I set up all her bills on auto pay so she had no worries there. Many months I have told her she can live with me, just let me know when and if you are ready.
I do not know what medical records will be released. Just asked for them in case she needed them. What is a 5150 hold? Never heard of it. I can get her RX list by accessing her RX insurance.
babalou FYI ... I live 300+ miles away, making it difficult to physically visit. However I spoke with her every 2 to 3 days and sometimes several times a day. She told me the other day she has not seen or spoken to me in 20 years and the relative that did this to her lives with her. They sure did ..40 years ago.
The elder care situation in this country is abominable. As far as getting the docs to talk to you about your mother's medications or diagnosis, good luck. I have medical AND financial POA & still have to jump thru a ton of aggravating hoops even in order to pay a BILL....as if a thief is going to try & pay someone's medical costs. Uh huh. The last person that wouldn't talk to me because of HIPAA laws (and if I NEVER hear that word again it will be a day too soon) I hung up on, saying Fine Then, I Won't Pay The Bill, Thank You. And I didn't pay the bill. When it went to collections, I put a note on the letter saying that he'd passed away & no longer lived at this address. Good luck to THEM now, trying to get $67 out of a dead man.
Again, I wish you good luck & godspeed trying to sort through the nightmare that's known as elder care, especially with dementia..........I wouldn't wish it on a dog.
Amazes me that the medical and legal community expect a person to care for others when they are not allowed to know what it is they are getting into, caring for or the needs that person may have. Absolutely RIDICULOUS. It is mental, emotional and financial abuse to the person that is stepping up to do the right thing. It is like being on a roller coaster that never stops.
It is just a matter of time before there is another flare up and she is taken back to the hospital for care. This time I will refuse to take custody until all testing (mental and physical) is completed. If they do not want to give me the information because of HIPPA then I will not take custody again.
This is a sad state of affairs and not in any way your fault.
Now, you could call 911 when she's hallucinating. They might see her as a danger to herself and by that means, you might get her a better psychiatric workup. Early in her course a vascular dementia, my mom had paranoid delusions and hallucinations and antipsychotics did nothing for them. They diminished over time. Of course, she was in facilities when this was happening, not at home.
Does your mom know what meds she's on? Wouldn't she like to go see a REAL psychiatrist and get rid of the inappropriate meds she was given in the hospital ? (Just trying to come up with a line for you to use)