Hello all,
I am the Power of Attorney for our dad who has dementia...I live a few hours away from him... My younger brother Paul lives with him and cares for him 24x7 at this point...He has respite care and other assistance multiple days per week.
I pay all of the bills online (that I am aware of), but the problem I currently have is that Paul refuses to send me any of his past mail (which would include any outstanding bills), or any of his spending receipts (which he agreed to do when dad returned to his home from out of state in mid 2024 after being diagnosed with advanced dementia)...Paul was consistently mailing me the accumulated mail and receipts for about a year, but I've received nothing since Sept 2025...I recently put in a change of address for the mail so it will now come to me instead.
Paul also refuses to maintain any or sort of budget in regard to spending, which has been an ongoing issue since he has been an adult (he's now in his mid 50's), which is why I send have sent him a check on a monthly basis that is more than enough to cover daily living expenses...I've tried reaching out to him on multiple occasions to try and resolve whatever differences exist, to see if the financial arrangement needs to be amended, but he refuses to reply because he is of the opinion that he is in charge of everything and I answer to him rather than vice versa.
I reached out to a mediator to try and help put our differences aside, but Paul told the mediator that he would not participate unless I first paid all of his outstanding bills (which I assume means that he has non-agreed to expenditures that are above and beyond the monthly 'stipend' that I send to him).
I believe he takes good care of our dad but I can't go on under this arrangement...I don't want to vindictively move our dad into an adult living center and kick him to the curb but I also can't continue to deal with his lack of cooperation or letting him spend money on a whim as it appears he is.
Any thoughts as to how to handle this situation would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
Tom
Have a care contract drawn up that is very specific as to what Paul’s duties are and how much he gets paid. Paul should be paid a decent wage for caregiving , not just expenses . You may be surprised at how much Paul should actually be paid.
Paul has been living off our dad's time for his entire life, and for the most part under his roof...While dad lived out of state for about 15 years until returning home Paul continued living in the house under the guise of 'taking care of it'...His only expenses were his food and good times, as dad paid for the taxes, utilities, and all other necc expenses.
I appreciate your thoughts