I guess I'll go first with this one.
The thing that stands out the most for me about MIL with alzheimers.......
Everything is ALL ABOUT HER. I could cut my arm off and be bleeding on the floor right beside her and she would worry about who was going to bring her a cookie.
I am treated as" a nothing" in her world.
Then I feel guilty for thinking she's an old battleaxe.
Well that's my confession.
How about yours?
LO is behaving worse than ever. but it’s probably a good thing. i heard many things, like “i hate you”…
probably good to hear it.
i did millions of things to help.
i always prefer to know the truth. and it makes a lot of sense to me that LO hates me. indeed, the opposite would surprise me.
i’m tempted, just as some people wrote on this website, to throw in the towel.
there must be a way out for me:
to live my life well, without narcs…
but LO will always be a narc. LO is psychologically torturing me more than ever. why? because unfortunately i ended up here (i was supposed to go back to my home after 9 days), much longer, because an emergency happened. i helped with it and stayed.
now i’m not so useful to LO anymore, so LO’s behavior is even worse. i already solved the emergency.
there must be a way.
why is LO so terrible right now? because yesterday i said, please say “please” to me, “thanks”. she absolutely treats me like a servant and enjoys that it upsets me.
she likes angering me, provoking me.
typical narc.
hugs everyone.
i’m just venting.
as many others, i’ve found this website verrry useful, caring, kind.
my brain must be able to figure out a way out.
maybe throw in the towel?
it would be a bit sad. but in a way, maybe i should.
i probably won’t, because i believe i indeed should help my LOs. right now, tempted to go away and not return. (she would love that. this way i break off contact with other LO too).
hug.
that the LO i help, is a narc; can be very nasty, cruel, rude towards me. if i stand up for myself, the response is rage/punishment/more rudeness/more screaming.
i have yet to figure out how to have some superhuman ability not to feel pain/hurt/anger from all of this. moreover, this rollercoaster (pain/hurt/anger) is what they (narcs) want for us.
i’d love to be genuinely happy/smiley, no matter how rude/cruel the narc is.
i’ll try.
hugs to all of us!
we all have difficult situations. courage.
bundle of joy
You dont have to be a single thing. Meaning- it's OK TO STOP the abuse!!!
Its taken me so very much and so very long to realize I owe her NOTHING but to make sure she's cared for. Honestly, we're not even obligated to do THAT, bit bc we're not total shitheads, we do. That does not require taking abuse. There are homes and that is not your problem or fault if their behaviors and those who either support, encourage or just ignore, the damage its causing to you as a result.
It's a hard thing to do, but you're actually NOT OBLIGATED to take it. Or care for them. Not their disease, and definitely when you loving them is used as a leash. loving someone doesn't make you responsible.
I think that exactly describes what you described above.
Oh, and all the other stuff!
Yes, outside caregivers are unreliable and often keeping up with them and scheduling around them is more trouble than it is worth.
If you two are arguing constantly, that just makes it more stressful on everyone, including your Mom.
There are commercial beds that have some of the features of hospital beds - which are admittedly ugly. Medicare will not cover - but they may offer some compromise.
I am sorry for your family to be going through this. Nursing homes and assisted living rarely have good care. You trade one set of problems for another.
I am so tired of this. Just so tired of bills incorrectly being charged in the thousands, in the hundreds - and having to spend countless hours on the phone and filing grievances with her insurance company. It takes months of phone calls to solve each billing error.
These medical providers take advantage and a lot of the bills are invalid - incorrect charges, services never rendered, it's shameless!!!
I on the other hand have had 2 years pre med. She refuses to listen to what i can suggest before being told she's going do it her way cause she's in control because she has poa. I'd take my mom anytime rather than my know it all controlling sister. Good luck to you!
1)THE MESS! Full commodes, disgusting laundry, literal garbage all over the place because nothing can be moved or thrown away
2)Not knowing when some health crisis is a performance or real
3)Being in servitude for no pay and treated with as much respect and gratitude as a pile of rotting garbage on the side of the road
4)The instigating on a daily basis because the elder wants someone to fight with
5)Not being able to have any kind of life that isn't centered around the caregiving.
moving everything in the house
24/7 care
having to watch his every move
crushing his meds because he won't swallow them any more
constantly talking
constantly on the move yesterday was falling asleep while standing
fighting with him to put pants on for 3 hour
abusive behavior
no help or phone calls from anyone
just a few of my many things living with a 62 year old early onset alzheimers husband
It's a bit like trying to reduce the magnitude of the cosmos into ONE universe.
My Mom shouts my name during the night quite often if she wants her blanket off, or wants the temperature changed, etc. If I try to take a nap in the afternoon she yells "are you asleep?" and wakes me up.
It’s hard to reconcile that I’m capable of 24/7 care and my sister cannot seem to make any time because she is “busy”. Hard to wrap my brain and more so my heart around my sister/ family thinking they are too busy.
Hardest reality is they don’t see us here at all. There is no excuse that I think will ever allow me to see my sister in a different light other than what she has shown me - it is sad.
I have always been a really good sister - moms stroke showed me that I am exactly whom I always said I was - “a giver” and sadly it opened my eyes up to she is who she always was “a taker”. I’m just no longer blind to it.
Hugs - your not alone 🦋
”What are you doing?” she asks.
”I’m making a snack.”
”Why?”
It takes me a second to respond, “Because I’m hungry,” because I’m like, ‘isn’t it obvious?!’
The door opens and she hears it and comes poking around. I can’t sit outside for a few minutes without her wanting to come out and sit with me, and then I feel trapped because she doesn’t want me to leave her. In a way, I feel a bit trapped in my own house and have to hide from her or else sit with her for hours on end.
Meanwhile, I have a 5 year old and a 7 year old who also need my attention, but she doesn’t seem to understand that.
“What are you doing?”
”I’m making lunch for the boys.”
”For the dogs?”
“On Peppa Pig plates? No, for the boys.”
”Oh. Too much food!”
They’re skinny but solid boys, and are growing. They will eat me out of house and home. “It’s ok,” I say, and she glares at me, muttering under her breath.
Sigh. It’s proving to be quite the education. She’s not even my own mother, my husband can’t stand her, and yet somehow I’m now her caregiver. Weird how life works out sometimes.
I NEED to go to work now BYE! WHY? UH I have Bills to pay, OH you work? I didn't know that (have worked at present job 7 years.)
I feel i'm not alone, sorry you are feeling trapped.I totally understand your Issues,pray the Lord Takes them soon and puts them out of their Misery!
Meanwhile everyone tells me how great my mother is because she uses only me as her personal emo garbage can.
Thanks for the vent space everyone!!!
LOVE those who like to direct the "movie" they don't even have a script for, much less any desire to read it.