What is the one thing that bothers you the most about caregiving?

shuffle,
It does more harm than good to over humor them because it complicates things unnecessarily for the person with dementia.
If you've made the bed, it stays made. It does get done again.
When it's time to get dressed (depending on how advanced the dementia is), you offer two choices. Not let them look through a whole closet. Unnecessary complications.
Repeating the same question over and over again in a loop. Don't answer every time.

You need Respite care like yesterday !

You need to get a diagnosis so she can qualify for certain things. It’s no joke . I just Don’t want you to get blindsided by all of this. Dementia is a beast of a disease

I use linen scented Lysol, it works wonders.

Omg I feel the same way is you . My brother, the Golden child, and the executor, and I do all the caregiving, pay bills, all home duties and his retired butt can only help me 4 hours a month. That’s a joke and he thinks it’s fair

Good to hear from you, but sorry to hear that the estate is not settled. Neither is my former mother in law's estate. I can't even imagine the amount of mental energy and space this takes up in Debra's brain which means that part of her mind isn't her's anymore as the co-extrix on top of being a cancer survivor with complications like an incurable UTI and a no good husband who demands being looked after.

As you have often said, do something good for you today.

I got a black telephone book A - Z from Staples and an A-Z folders. Wrote everything in telephone book - like hospital/doctors names and numbers, lawyer, cable, friends addresses and the list goes on. Then use the A-Z file to store papers. Helped my mind stay organized and less manic.

My problem is similar...my wife is somewhat introverted and she wants a conversation companion constantly, even though she can't remember who, what, or when, even if we just spoke of it! Sometimes, she seems to understand and shortly thereafter, she can't recall we even spoke! She has a couple of friends that call her and visit and she offers them advise on things, even though she will forget they called shortly. One has to remind himself, often, that she doesn't know what she is saying and I can never take offense at what she says!

Send him the bills. Tell him you have something you need to do and say he sould come and take care of her for a week.

So true, many things on the internet are not accurate. Yet, some people believe everything that they read.

This is exactly how my brother conducts himself too. You're not alone!

No apologies necessary telling the honest truth about how the majority of us all feel especially me! Working in an office is so much easier then being a caregiver. This caregiver business is endless and exhausting

Check with your local fire department/rescue squad to see if they provide non-emergency lifts. This is a free service where I live but may not be other places. Some towns or cities offer a non-emergency lift service for a fee per year. My m-I-l had it. I believe it was a nominal fee; much better than the $250 charge it would have cost her each time her husband fell.

sounds like my plans for retirement and fun and travel! My wife's fall and resulting crushed vertabra ended that notion 2 years after retirement. She has deteriorated ever since, and now Alz, has reared it's ugly head along with her other infirmaties!

I used to have caregivers in my home to care for my mother while I was away at work. Anything of value was placed in my locked bedroom. Not an ideal way to live, but if they thought it was ok to take expensive shampoo, I'd hate to think what would have happened to money and jewelry.
Best wishes to you !

hugs!! hearing loss can accelerate dementia. hearing aids can help.

hearing loss and cognitive decline/dementia often go together.

hugs!!!

it’s really too bad, so many of us are in difficult situations.

Carolann2244-
I get that very much! When I decided to help out with my dad over 10 years ago, it was understood that my dad didn’t want assisted living but wanted to live comfortably at home until his death. He knew that his kidneys were going to fail him at some point but since he had dialysis four yrs prior in 2007 he said he never wanted to be on it again. I thought this would mean that when they failed again, he’d decline quickly and pass and I’d get to living my life again. But 2018 we were told his kidneys were decline and his dr strongly suggested we try a different form of dialysis: Peritoneal dialysis was supposed to be less stress on him and done while he slept at night. We watched the videos, did research online and I asked him if he would be ok trying this out and if he felt he would want to continue living this way. He said he wasn’t ready to die yet and he’d be willing to try it. By the end of that year, double pneumonia took him hard and I was forced into a position of starting him on hemodialysis months before his kidneys would have failed naturally and he was oxygen deprived on multiple occasions for that hospital stay and had to be in isolation and developed strong confusion and distrust of most things medical and even somewhat with me. Longer story shortened...I never anticipated at almost 34, when I agreed to care for him after my mom died that he would live to do dialysis again and I am at almost 44. He thought last year he could get off dialysis and still live (he had been repeatedly told by drs and myself that dialysis would be for the rest of his life, his kidney function wasn’t going to miraculously come back and he was too old & frail to do a transplant); imagine if I was an unscrupulous person, I could have told him ok let’s try you off dialysis for a few weeks. But I sat crushed & explained once again he could not live long without dialysis. We had been told a month at most once off dialysis. Trouble is, he isn’t “living” his life just existing. Watches tv and ignores that his legs are wasting away and that he will lose mobility(he’s an amputee missing his lower right leg already) & be bedridden. PT/OT are harder because he has worsening COPD. But yes, he could live for years yet. I reached my near breaking point back in January and started looking into assisted living. I explained to him why and he seemed to understand but he still relies heavily on me to get him going in any activity. But I’m so done waiting for my life to restart. My brain is fried from doing his thinking plus my own and I have no wish to wait until he’s gone to refresh. Like some of responders here that are in their 60s,70s...I’d take myself out of this life (if that was the only option left!) vs keeping on caring for him another two decades. I have so much to give to the world ( I used to be a massage therapist and want to work in the medical field to better help people worldwide) and I’m tired of wasting it on one person who barely acknowledges that I’m his daughter, uses any excuse not to do something to help himself, psychosomatically gets sick when new changes are presented and waits until I’m screaming and/or crying before realizing I’m not ok. Plus his doctors fail to recognize the burden it is on me being his sole caregiver. They just look to me to keep him alive so they can get paid; they are decent drs but clueless of how hard doing caregiving on my own really is.
Now I’m supposed to have respite care in a couple weeks...if I can keep him healthy enough to get and stay there for 2 weeks. Only the cosmos knows if I’ll get what I need..but I’ve stopped thinking my own wishes to live life are selfish. It’s self preservation. I miss my dad when he’s passed, but I will work to savor and live my life to its fullest possibilities after him.

Beautiful.