I guess I'll go first with this one.
The thing that stands out the most for me about MIL with alzheimers.......
Everything is ALL ABOUT HER. I could cut my arm off and be bleeding on the floor right beside her and she would worry about who was going to bring her a cookie.
I am treated as" a nothing" in her world.
Then I feel guilty for thinking she's an old battleaxe.
Well that's my confession.
How about yours?
I look to the future with dread as I expect them to drag me into court after my mom passes, as they have already bothered me with lawyers' letters asking me for an "accounting." I told them f off as they weren't yet entitled to one, so they shut up. But I know that once she passes I will have to give this accounting and I dread having to deal with them.
Caregiving is hard enough but when you have malevolent people out there trying actively to do you harm much less ever HELP with anything it makes it so much worse.
She's so lucky to have you.Take care of yourself,as best you can~
The selfishness in the elderly is extremely frustrating...no matter how much time you give, they will claim its not enough...and if another family member visits ...your sick elderly parent will convince them that you are the most ungrateful, neglectful child in the universe.
The selfishness is what I hate.
Waking up multiple times throughout the night to take her to the bathroom, I’m grateful she can let me know she has to go and not urinate in bed (even tho there are pads on the sheets). Every day without a restful sleep is very exhausting for the both of us in the day time.
I have read some heartbreaking stories on here of what caregivers/family members are going through. As far as behavioral issues (I feel I’m lucky so far) however she does want things when she wants them at that moment, another words doesn’t know how to wait a minute anymore and in a restaurant or at a party once she’s done eating she takes her top denture out and she’s ready to brush her bottom teeth and rinse her mouth out, I’m grateful for this that she is trying to keep up with her hygiene and that we are able to go out, others stare, talk, comment - I have learned to ignore people that don’t understand this brain disease they are not experienced enough in the matter at hand.
Yes, our sleep is important to keep going the next day. I dread when my husband calls for me when I'm in bed, however know I have to get up. He's been pretty good lately and trying to go before I go to bed. The answer to the question here, what is the thing that bothers you the most about care giving. Well, mine is, like I'm sure I said before on here... is having to "change" my husband for the rest of his life. Your lucky your wife can walk to the bathroom. There is always someone that has it worse than you. Maybe she drinks too much liquid before bed time? Anyway, take care of yourself to.
Big hug to you,
Unite
I fully understand the struggle. My mom asked me last week if I prayed every day that she’d not wake up in the morning. That actually hurt my feelings & angered me at the same time. Their selfishness always shines through doesn’t it?
Sounds like you could use some respite time. Make it happen. Many AL & nursing homes have respite care. Not cheap but definitely worth it. I have mom pay for it out of her SS!!! Feel better!
I hate the isolation. My mom is 94 in November. Yep, she was born in 1925. The other morning I went in for my lab work. When I was asked for my date of birth I accidentally gave hers! I am so used to giving her birthdate that I automatically said it. Oh my gosh, the woman looked at me like I had two heads saying that I was born in 1925! Hahaha
I love that show! Cute show.
One of my favorites! I like some of the older shows best. I also love King of Queens. Cute shows! Yes! Both of those make me giggle.
You are absolutely correct! Guilty as charged. I do too much, then get grouchy! Haha. Sometimes delirious too!
Do me a favor and keep pounding sense into my thick skull!
Sometimes we try to trick ourselves into thinking giving in is the easiest way and it’s truly not. You know, I didn’t take the easy way out with my girls. I put in the hard work and I certainly should be the same way with mom, right? Take the easy way out with kids and we end up with spoiled brats!
Take the easy way out with parents and they expect more and more too! Hahaha
I hate being in a funk! I’m at a loss as to how to feel. I don’t know what to say or think.
I get so sick of feeling inadequate when I do my very best. I have no idea why I get angry when I think of my mom never ever went through any of this with grandma. Grandma wasn’t negative. Grandma didn’t have Parkinson’s. Grandma was independent. Grandma was pleasant. Grandma didn’t pick on others, she was encouraging to others. My mom was blessed to have grandma as a mom. I am happy that mom and grandma had a great relationship. Maybe I am jealous of it. Maybe it’s resentment and anger. I’m sorry that I feel this way today. I will force myself to block out these feelings.
I so want to feel that I am blessed by my mom but things are so different. I can’t even put into words exactly how I feel and I don’t want to bring others down because of my funky mood. Going to try to get past one stinking paragraph in my book. Talk later. Thanks again, Polar.
I slept all night from pure exhaustion! Well, she woke me once, screaming at my dead father in a dream. I honestly didn’t mean to but I shouted out, “Please, shut up!” Guess what? She did! Went right back to sleep. Sometimes I feel like I could sleep for a week!
Despite the fact that I won't have anyone to look after me when I'm older because I've given up of relationships and friendships because taking care of her always gets in the way. Boy do I regret saying I won't put her in a nursing home unless she has Alzheimer's or is in a wheelchair. I have built my life back more than ten times, after she has recovered from surgery or a fall or mini strokes. I'm have now given up....her well-being takes over every time. The one thing I am doing for myself is starting to save money for my future which yes that means we have to move to a less desirable area to save on rent but I absolutely do not feel bad about this decision. It's my future. & I'm taking my power back.
Left voice message today hoping she’ll take it easy in this heat and that her a/c is on (heat wave #5 here).
Experiencing her cold shoulder for just trying to care that she’s safe, given lots of reasons to know she’s not making good decisions. So far, caregiving sucks (and I’m not actively giving care as the only child living 10 minutes away).
Taking many slow deep breaths usually helps me relax and calm my mind.
Good night! Pleasant dreams!
How are things going with your mom? I hope things aren’t quite as bad. My mom has been super critical too. Who knows what they are thinking or feeling? I’ve just about given up on trying to figure it out.
You deserve better. So do I. All caregivers do. Some older people change but most don’t. I hope that you are feeling better.
Both of you make excellent points and speak for so many in the same boat!
Almost daily I hear I’m a rotten daughter, I’m trying take advantage of her, I want her money(now that one is pretty funny).
My mantra has become this is not my mom saying these things, it’s the disease speaking for her.
I just had a birthday, it was first time mom actually forgot. What I heard from her instead was how I’ve taken over her life and put her away. Mom’s in a board/care facility which has a monthly charge higher than my rent, beautiful room, private bath and lovely patio right outside of bedroom (which by the way her pension no way covers)
It really feels good to vent..the truth is I know I’m doing the right thing for mom, at times it becomes overwhelming but know I will continue to push through.
I also feel bad about that.