I guess I'll go first with this one.
The thing that stands out the most for me about MIL with alzheimers.......
Everything is ALL ABOUT HER. I could cut my arm off and be bleeding on the floor right beside her and she would worry about who was going to bring her a cookie.
I am treated as" a nothing" in her world.
Then I feel guilty for thinking she's an old battleaxe.
Well that's my confession.
How about yours?
You’ve written a beautiful and heartfelt post, and G-D will most certainly forgive you for having periodic human frustrations at the very difficult situation. I truly admire your positive outlook. I wish I could absorb some of that and apply it to how I feel. Maybe someday I’ll look back and see something positive about what I’ve been doing for my aunt for all these years. From what I can tell, she’s never noticed.
Hugs to you, JB
I'm sorry if you have felt that way
I like to simply reply "Yes". Accompanied with a fake smile 😁
Some elders use verbal sparring for entertainment, to relieve boredom. I once met an old lady like this.. a nurse asked if she needed help opening her banana. "It's not a banana" came the swift reply. Nurse says something like Oh my mistake. Do you need help opening that yellow piece of food?
Old lady says " It's a BANANA. Don't you KNOW what it is??"
🙄😭🤣
If you drink, you deserve to have your kids abandon you when you're old and infirm. Those drinks are actively contributing to your future dementia.
If you don't save up AT LEAST $250,000 (that's in addition to your social security checks) for assisted living, then you'll get put in a Medicaid bed next to some other coughing patient for God knows how many years. Don't expect to move in with a relative. That's cruel.
I'm wasting my time typing this. The people who need to read this aren't reading this.
Or a convenience to men.
What if you were another brother?
I'm so thankful for this community of caregivers sharing thoughts and suggestions!
The exasperating behaviors resulting from significant brain damage! Like grunting, groaning, yelling out for hours at a time, including overnight.
Fighting off any attempts to provide personal cares. So its always a battle.
And finally - family, friends and neighbors assume I have time to take care of their needs, because they assume I'm at home all day with nothing to do! They have no idea how drained I am, physically and emotionally, every day!
took my dad to buy a new belt last night at Macy's. It was a demeaning experience. I need time to recover just from that one "good deed".
Is this how he's always been, or is this just since he's had dementia?
Battleaxe is subtle. You are far too kind, IMHO
the word “ Caregiving “.
Sometimes it’s “ Assigned Servitude”.
It would be the first time I see real justice in my life.
I hate the word: Normal, that's normal. Ok cool that's normal how do we deal with it, we try and redirect, we try to be empathetic, what do we do with this?!
Tired of any conversation being a land mine whether it is us just trying to engage with her. Or others trying to engage with her, knowing or unknowing bringing up past things that is a major source of conflict. Constantly cringing waiting for the fight after others leave because they unknowingly created a conflict that we have tried so hard to avoid.
Sick of feeling guilty or made to feel guilty we know we have done our very best to provide the best of the best and make the best decisions possible. Yet there is nothing that will help her be happy or at the very least content.
Just as much as she didn't ask for Alzheimer with Dementia, we didn't ask to be abused!