I guess I'll go first with this one.
The thing that stands out the most for me about MIL with alzheimers.......
Everything is ALL ABOUT HER. I could cut my arm off and be bleeding on the floor right beside her and she would worry about who was going to bring her a cookie.
I am treated as" a nothing" in her world.
Then I feel guilty for thinking she's an old battleaxe.
Well that's my confession.
How about yours?
I am not sure what the 'cure' is besides putting in your own stops & arranging the extra help you need. Easy to say. Sometimes very hard to do. Strength to you today 🤗
Can you get your parents placed in a facility ? Is that an option. Do they have money ? Or Medicaid ?
and i love your screen name. i bet you're a cute, sweet person.
when i have so-called friends asking how my LOs are, i actually block their numbers. they're wasting my time AND adding yet 1 more thing for me to do: write back, etc.
my true friends really care. and my LOs' true friends really care, too.
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i wish all of us on the forum a good day! courage & always do very nice things for yourself. treat yourself like the angel you are. ❤️🙂
I love how sensible you are! All of us need to value ourselves. We cannot allow others to steal our joy. I spent a lot of time and money in therapy learning these lessons. I feel that it was money well spent.
What frustrates me the most about caregiving is the fact that in order to get services I have to be the one to stay on it...to keep calling these agencies for a PT, or home assistance, and this is even after a doctor has given me an order of approval. This last time the physical therapy never started because it took so long for them to get evaluators (nurse and supervisor PT) out and this was after I called them twice. Now the session will end in a week and my mother has not even begun the PT. This has happened before. My other "pet peeve" is people who know my mother from way back (she's 92) and ask me about her; sometimes they text me and ask. I say it would be better to call her and chat a bit, so she can hear a voice; so she can be part of a conversation where maybe she can laugh and remember. And to my friends, do not ask me how my mother is doing unless you are ready to invite me for coffee and offer a real, compassionate ear. Because you will get an answer of "okay" and I will turn away. The nicety is not needed because you really don't want to hear the answer. Instead, if you want to support a caregiver friend, ask them out; give them an escape; give them little of your time, because they feel isolated, just as much as the loved one being taken care of. This may be mean, but I want to say "Don't ask about my mom, unless you really want to hear about her."
Mom still likes her calls but people still ask me instead of spending literally 5 minutes once in a blue moon to call her themselves. I think they don’t really want to know the truth….they probably want a happy lie from me. We’ll they’re not gonna get it! I tell the truth albeit ( grudgingly lol ) politely
hug!!
bundle of joy
(whose real name means peace)
But that's all right. I'm strong.
I’m sorry Hothouseflower.
Since we're doing everything, why bother to offer to help out the caregiver?
50+ years of dementia research-not a thing to show for it. Nothing.
Palliative medications to manage the symptoms. Nothing else.
This bothers me the most.
FIL is in …. in house hospital rehab, wants to sign himself out AMA. His ALF says he has to walk with his walker 150 feet first to return. ( I think they are trying to get rid of him because he is so uncooperative with showers and incontinence care ).
I fielded the call last Friday and told the case manager that FIL can’t sign out AMA, he has dementia and his son (DH) has DMPOA. Not to mention if he leaves rehab he will be homeless if ALF won’t take him . Case manager said well if he refuses treatment and wants to leave…..
it will be on us to find him a place to go ,
Went up to the hospital and spoke with FIL . He said he will stay but he wants to be taken out to dinner after rehab is all done . We have not taken him out in months , his walking is so bad and I’m not hurting my back pulling him out of the car . We bring him food .
I doubt he will finish the 7-10 days . He will get them to discharge him early and I don’t blame them . Hopefully ALF will take him , because he can’t get up the stairs in my house and he can’t manage in my bathrooms . So far he’s having difficulty walking far , so in addition to walking they are working on self propelling in wheelchair . FIL is going to flip when he gets back to ALF , we put a wheelchair in his room today .
Tell him he'll be burning up the hallway carpets in no time!
He can use the new wheels or stay room-bound. His choice.
(I'd choose wheels & freedom).
Today, davidmiller2.
Best wishes to you.
Yeah I have grown children . I did the walkway thing for temper tantrums . We have started ignoring . He’s still very intelligent, even though you can’t reason with him. Like a smart older toddler.
Need him to get worse so therapeutic lies will start working too. Thanks
So many people will relate to what you are saying. No one has all of the answers for every situation. It’s trial and error. Wouldn’t it be great if everything was, ‘one size fits all?’ Unfortunately, life is never that easy.
Good for you finding ways to make money from home. People do stuff a lot freakier then foot pics and selling their old drawers and tights to make money. I give you credit for being a unpaid family caregiver (we all know how miserable that usually is). You also have proper pride and self-respect because you refuse to live as freeloader who expects the government to support them. Respect.
I hope you make money and set up that nest egg to get yourself out. Good luck and God bless. ~BC
When FIL barks orders and wants everything done his way on his time schedule because he doesn’t want his “independence taken away “.
When he says he doesn’t need help . Meanwhile needing everything done for him but refusing showers and assistance with toileting schedule, and expects us to put up with the stink.
When he wants to be taken out for meals, entertainment, take him away on a cruise , take him to see friends 4 hours away , all the while stinking in an old diaper . ( We don’t take him out anymore).
When we offer to bring him lunch because we finally made our own dinner plans with friends but he wants us to bring dinner instead .
When they are spoiled and can’t accept that their age is catching up with them and blame you for the changes .
He wants us to maintain his routine and “ independent lifestyle” but fails to see that our lives are turned upside down .
After a long day at work call up when we are sleeping.
Last night he called because I wrote down haircut on his calendar for Friday next week but I didn’t write the time down . I don’t know what time it is. He’s having it done at the facility every six weeks . This is what I get for putting my foot down and telling the man that we are not taking him out for haircuts anymore when he can get it done at the facility .
No one has to tolerate any of what you're saying. I did elder care for 25 years. I never tolerated anything near the behavior you describe from your FIL. He's in AL not living with you. He complains too much or gets too demanding on a phone call.
Hang up.
He stinks too bad in a soiled pull-up and because he refuses to let an aide help him wash properly.
You don't take him anywhere. You stop visiting or limit the visits.
The more families and caregivers cater to fussy, ornery, stubborn seniors the worse they get. It's the same as with spoiled, brat kids. If their behavior is dementia related, then they should be cared for by professionals.