My aunt (94) is living with her daughter at home. The daughter is gone a lot during the day. My aunt sleeps a lot during the day. Her daughter sometimes sleeps over at the boyfriends thus leaving my aunt alone.
My aunt is lonely and very frail. She is prone to falling and has broken her hip twice. My aunt calls me crying all the time. I live 3 hrs away and am already taking care of 94 and 96 year old parents who live next door to us on our property. Suggestions please.
Says mother is old and holding up their life together. He has told me this too. She does not work. Boyfriend frequently needs money. Long complicated story but bottom line my aunt is very dear to me. Daughter calls and emails me asking "when is she going to die?" Need I say more??
I agree with Pam that an in-person visit would allow you to assess the situation more accurately, but I understand how that may be very difficult given your role in caring for your parents.
When Aunt calls you crying, how do you respond? Have you ever suggested activities such as going to a senior center? Is Aunt open to such ideas?
My Dad thought Social Security was paying for his caregivers when he lived at home. He was surprised when I told him "no" that the money was coming out of his savings, but he had no choice. That is when he decided it was less expensive to move to Assisted Living, which he really loved being here.
You've got your hands full with your parents. I can't see how adding another frail elderly person to your responsibilities would help anyone although I commend you for considering it. It sounds like you care for your aunt very much.
Why don't you talk to your cousin and ask her what she needs? Maybe a long weekend away every couple of months, maybe in-home help a few hours a day.
Before you make a decision regarding your aunt without discussing it with your cousin first see if some agreement can be reached where your cousin gets more respite and you don't have 3 elderly people to care for.
Do you know if your Aunt refuses caregivers to come into the house, or refuses to move to Assistant Living? If the answer is yes, then I can fully understand your cousin wanting to stay overnight some place else... she probably is exhausted and burnt out. Is what she is doing right? Of course not. She herself needs help.
Is there any dementia in the picture? My Dad [95] had sundowning, and he would tell me he was at work, that he had missed the bus, so he will be staying in a hotel down the street. Well, my Dad was living in Memory Care when he made those calls to me in the evening. Dad was back in the 1940's in his mind.
Thus could it also be possible your Aunt is reliving the past when your cousin was dating and not coming home?