Hi all, Mom, 73, degenerative disk disease in neck, lower back, mild heart valve leak, colitis, expected to cook Thanksgiving meal, (by herself, no other cooks to help), for my Stepfather, his brother, his nephew, and the nephew's new girlfriend.
She had a TIA a few years ago when my niece, her kid, and her boyfriend came for their birthdays. Guess several days of cooking, baking separate cakes, wrapping was too much. Lady up the street died making Easter dinner for her grandkids a few years ago, so I am kind of nervous about this.
They used to go out for buffet for Thanksgiving, when I lived way out of state. Then Stepfather decided he wanted left overs, got her to make him turkey breast, potatoes and gravy, pie, for him to take to work for a few days every year after guests left.
I moved here a few years ago, 3 years ago I told him I thought it was too much on her and we should go back to the buffet tradition. No go, but said just one last one. I agreed. Last year, reneged on his agreement, said he wouldn't get any left overs if we went out. I told him he knew full well she was too old, he said he'd cater it, which he did. Mom begged me to come help, and bring other things too, (I had other plans elsewhere), said she plain couldn't do it, so I caved. She was right in that they didn't have enough food from the cater purchase, was surprised how small the portions were for the cost, and I also was surprised how much work it still was for her to get all the stuff ready. I took bird, giblet gravy, potatoes, stuffing that I made at home. THAT was supposed to be the last year. This year he announced once again he'd invited everyone to their house for the dinner. I flat said NO, and I'll have no part of it, my husband and myself are going out to a buffet, (which we never have done, but I've got it by myself for 32 years when we lived in a different state and I'd like a break myself).
Have stuck to my guns hoping they'd change their mind and go out with us. No go. As a matter of fact, he went from going to cater her part again, to now she's getting it from scratch since I'm not participating, he's afraid there won't be enough left overs for him to gore for 3 days. Ugh. I am worried. I don't want her to have another stroke, or worse. Most days that I go see her for an hour in the afternoon she's on no sleep, (chronic pain keeps her awake), she's often confused and has a lot of trouble just getting a cup of coffee made from their little single serving deal they've had for years. Am I wrong? How old is "too old" for this?
I don't see your mother standing up to hubby, so be a dear and invite them to join you at your house for the above store bought meal. Invite them by mid-October. The next year invite them by early October. And if he says he wants it at their house, generously buy the dinner from the grocery store and take it to their house.
I offer no opinions, aside from saying to ALL who cook for the rest of us, "Thank you...It is delicious."
Grace + Peace,
Bob
Can you say "Chinese Buffet?" They're not only open on Thanksgiving & Christmas - they love to host the big parties!! Everyone paid for their own and no cleanup.
We continued doing this every year until Pop passed away in 2011 (Mom left in 2004).
I'm glad we have the memories because now my DH is 96 and I am caregiver 24/7 for him, my sister's DH has Pulmonary Fibrosis - terminal, and the other sister came home on Tuesday after Open Heart Surgery.
It isn't the age - it's the health situation. I would hand Step-Dad the oven mitts and tell him to cook his own damn leftovers! Boy, I'd love to see that happen.
You know, you can invite grump to your home, keep the thermostat where you want it and cook foods that you like.
Let him complain. Then let let him storm off in a huff. Won't hurt you.
Ps, has he been evaluated for cognitive decline?
Hubby passed the 20th of last month, and everyone figured I could use the break. You know what? I'm looking forward to it.
Back to the OP's issue. Your mama is married to a horse's rear. However you don't get any real say in the issue, until mom invites you to step in. Too late for this meal, but you have Christmas dinner around the corner and if you are lucky mom next Thanksgiving. Suggestion, it sucks but could make peace, how about you cook the meal? Then grumpy guy gets his leftovers, and mama gets a rest.
In my childhood, I remember my Mom getting up at 4 a.m. to get the turkey ready to cook, and to prepare the stuffing from scratch as there wasn't Stove Top Stuffing or anything similar. She enjoyed cooking, plus that was her "job" as a wife.
I hate cooking, it's like a science project that goes bad :P Thank goodness for pre-cooked turkey plus sides that the grocery stores sell [usually one has to pre-order a week prior]. Your Mom should look into these meals. We always had enough left over after 4 being at the table, and the cat demanding his fair share.... even enough to give to my parents for several more meals/sandwiches.
What this Mom needs is to decide which part of the meal she wants to prepare. The turkey , a small one comes to mind but she may choose potato salad which can be made the day ahead or just go out and buy a pumpkin pie. Having made her choice she makes a list of everything else needed and gives one or two items for each to bring. Aunt Mabel who is 93 can just be asked to bring a package of brown and serve rolls. The useless idle men get the wines and other drinks And are resonsible for serving those. Anyone old or physically unable buys something that requires no preparation like cheese and crackers or the disposeable plates. Anyone who "forgets" their contribution is given the clean up. I do think you should be there because someone needs to act as Ringmaster or Mom will cave. You and hubby can either go out after an early meal or even once it is safely on the table and enjoy your own time together.
I am 78 and currently not capable of hosting anything but we go to my daughters and I make and take the Christmas pudding. Used to make the traditional cake as well till everyone said they don't need that.
What I did? I preemptively invited everyone for to thanksgiving dinner at the local restaurant. Explained to everyone that we needed to give Mom a nice break. Then, once everyone agreeed....invited my parents ..saying that the whole family was going o be there..they just had to come too.
Even if Mom was forced to cook that dinner...it was going to be dinner for two. She could just get a precooked bird...sides of this and that and heat it up.
That was the last time anyone accepted an invite to a meal Mom was going o be required to cook. Every year they came to dinner at the restaurant till they moved out of State
What an excellent resource! Mary Berry's Malay Chicken Rice recipe, on video, on my kindle! Thanks, so thankful! A Brit cyber-cooking in my own home! So much more interesting than -oh, I have forgotten her name-the one with a magazine who was in jail?
I am too old.
Liking this thread/question, I have read it over.
I think Cwillie has an excellent answer!
Of course, Thanksgiving in Canada was in October, I think.
What would Gershun say?
Thank you! But we have made other "plans", Lol.
I would have come just for one slice of your famous cake and to meet you in person.
Can you send the wild rice recipe?
I am grateful to her for a lemon cheesecake recipe which is delish. Having said that I can't bear to look at the woman - unforgivably reminiscent of my MIL.
And the late Evelyn Rose was doing Passover forever.
Age is no barrier provided the mind and whisking wrist remain strong.
Hmm. Don't know if this idea would fly. But have you thought of inviting your mother to join you and your husband? I assume she's only metaphorically chained to the kitchen, and I'm sure those big strong men would manage somehow (though it might be an act of mercy to give a heads-up to that girlfriend, too).