My mother is in the hospital since Friday with an infected toe. She is on IV antibiotics. She asks for my help changing her depends in the bathroom and then snaps at me and tells me to shut up. Well I changed her and got her in bed and told her I was leaving now and then left. She is sweet as pie to the doctors and nurses and treats me like sh*t. She is of sound mind. The doctor that saw her said she is as sharp as a tack. I need to get her into assisted living because I know when she gets home she will not let me help her with the wound. She is also a hoarder. Now she can’t even find the remote to the tv a week ago. Should I tell the doctor and nurses? She is of sound mind but she won’t change her clothes or bathe. Her toe got that way because she won’t soak it and won’t let me help her. She got her toenails clipped 2 weeks ago by a podiatrist and they didn’t look like that then. But since she has had the same socks on for 2 weeks she didn’t know what her toe looked like. It was nasty. All gross and infected. It got that way because she let it go and didn’t let me help her!! She just blames it on the podiatrist. Then she was complaining to me yesterday that the nurses gave her a water pill to take. It is her prescribed medication. But it makes her urinate. She’s mad at the nurse for giving her the water pill and takes it out on me. I can’t take it anymore. I know if by some miracle she goes to assisted living she will never speak to me again. I am so torn right now.
Speak to everyone who will listen, and THEY will 'make' her do something to help herself. Refuse to stay silent a moment longer! Just b/c your mother is loud and vocal, make yourself LOUDER and MORE vocal! The trouble with a lot of these people is that nobody's has ever stood UP to them; people are afraid of them and step back.
Don't hang around her all day for any abuse.
She is in the hospital, take a full day off.
Today. It is Sunday.
These doctors and hospitals see our mother's for a mere moment in time. They see the Face our mothers WANT them to see, which is one of 'sanity' and 'composure' and 'competency'. The reality that WE see and know is something entirely different. If you want your mother to get the help she needs, let down that mask of perfection she's maintaining and let the professionals see the TRUTH.
I did it back in 2016 and have been doing so ever since. My mother will no longer call the shots where her health is concerned, because she is NOT fine and I will no longer be paying the price for those LIES. Neither should you!
Good luck Elaine.
Your profile states she is "living at home". Is this her home or yours? What do you want to happen, for her to change her behavior for her care, to change her behavior towards you? Do you want to walk away?
Start by contacting the hospital ombudsman or social worker and report she is refusing to care for herself and will not let you help her. Perhaps they have a recommendation for you for your area.
If she is of sound mind, you can't force her to move to assisted living. You must protect yourself, though. You don't have to tolerate abuse, and perhaps consider, with help from the social worker, how to step back yet ensure she has someone to watch over her for her own good.
*hug* and best wishes.
I am thinking that they will notice that she doesn't bathe when they change her depends.
You can't help someone that doesn't want it, especially when they are of sound mind. You have to decide what you will and won't do and learn to say no. Learn to tell her to stop talking nasty and hateful or you will leave and the next nasty word you walk away and try again tomorrow.
She can only use you as a doormat because you lay down. Stand up, you are an adult and you do not have to accept being verbally, mentally, physically or emotionally abused by her.