Should I be upset that my 90 year old father is seeing 5 ladies at the same time?

It is all about loneliness and companionship. If the other 5 ladies dont mind sharing a guy who spends time with them, the talking together, eating together, doing "normal" life again, then it is fine.
Marriage is death do us part. He is parted sorry to say.
Read other posts, lonely parent reaking havic on their kids, sit around like a lump.

These relationships are not the love llke Mom and Dad. This is about companionship and still feeling alive.

This post is throwing so much shade. Think about how he feels? As long as he isn't hurting anyone than let him live. Do I sense a bit of jealousy?

OP has not returned. Not reading what she hoped to read?

I think what he is doing is fine. I don’t believe it is a mockery to your parents beautiful marriage. He just wants some kind of happiness and company in the time he has left. I love my husband of 43 years very much. If I die I want him to live fully for the time he has left. I’m going to tell my kids today if something happens to me, don’t worry if your Dad dates others and has some fun. It’s ok.

I don't think it has anything to do with the life he had with your mother. He enjoys the company of others and apparently in good enough health to get out and try to enjoy his life. Let it go. The flip side of this is if he sat in the house grieving all these years to the point there was no enjoyment left in life. It's not the same as some woman trying to become your mother figure - it's company for him. Perhaps each of the 5 women offer something different - eating out, talking, going to particular venue (movie, museum, etc). With 5, at least you know none are real serious relationships - he just likes their company.

Consider yourself fortunate that your father is healthy enough to date. My 87 year old mother has dementia and lives in a nursing home.

My dad is 91. My mom passed in 2013. He has been alone for 8+ years but he did date again after about a year. My parents were married for 64 years and the last thing she said to him was, "Have a good rest of your life.". Do you believe your mother would want your dad to spend the rest of his life alone, lonely and with no one to be there for him in a loving relationship and hopefully remarried sometime? Do you expect him to pine away for her and never be happy in another relationship? That's you and what happens when you believe that, somehow, he is looking for a REPLACEMENT. Nothing will ever replace your mom (or his only wife of 64 years. We have to move on from loss as painful as it is to us. What about his level of pain from the loss of the one person he wanted to spend his whole life with? Well, that didn't happen and I feel I couldn't be that selfish to want him to suffer because I lost my mama. My daddy will never love someone like he did her, but that happens to anyone at any age. If you're 45 and your love dies in an accident after 25 years, would you NEVER expect that you might possibly fall in love again? My dad never did get the chance to remarry, although he almost did to a wonderful woman named Kay. I wouldn't have called her mom. Just Kay but I really liked her. Unfortunately, ALZ took any future happiness away from him and it is SO CRUEL to watch as I live with him. WE LIVE TOGETHER but how I wish he had someone to snuggle with, wake up with someone who made him happy again. Feeling jealous of anyone whom you believe would try to replace your mom is an understandable feeling but not realistic. Any of these 5 women would not expect you to call them mom. At any age, we MUST be able to accept lloss, close the door and be ready to open new ones. In love, career... loss. You can't replace a child either but doesn't mean you replace them if you have another child. You love them all with a different love. Even if you have 10 children, you aren't replacing any of them because your relationship is different with each of them. I have 2. 1 is very close to me, the other more independent and simply doesn't need me as much. Hope this helps. Allow yourself to allow your dad to find happiness again and be friendly with these women and let your dad know you're happy if he is. Don't make him feel bad just because you don't approve. Encourage him to move on as I am encouraging you to be happy for him again. Not a good thing to make him feel like he's a horrible man for even thinking about love and, yes, sex again. BTW: What is the appropriate amount of time someone should mourn before moving on? 1 year? 10?
My friend waited only 3 months after her husband died. I thought she was heartless. What she was, was having been with the love of her life for 22 years and was so devastated he was cruelly taken from her by cancer that she found herself ALONE and BECAUSE SHE LOVED HIM SOOO MUCH, she wasn't heartless, she couldn't stand the thought of being alone and LONELY, HER HEART BEING TORN IN PIECES thinking it could never mend and her pain let her move ahead. She wasn't looking. God just gave her someone.

I have heard more than one recently divorced/widowed man say that women throw themselves at them once they are "available". Maybe your father can't say no.

Your father isn't doing anything disrespectful to your mother. He isn't taking anything away from the marriage as it is a memory. You need to quit making the memory into a living thing. You don't have to call any of these ladies mommy. You need to move forward or you will never have a future.

Crazed: I can see how it would be weird to go from a lifetime or long time of seeing your dad faithful to your mom and now he is "galivanting around" so to speak with several women. It can be hard to see your parent with just one significant other who isn't your parent. Since he has several lady friends, it may cause you to feel he isn't the same person you thought he was or that he doesn't miss your mom (enough).

That being said, I have a couple of questions:
How did he treat your mother while she was alive?
How respectful was he? Loving? Faithful?

Remember what was and be at peace with it. Whatever bad happened can't be changed now. Whatever good there was should be treasured and remembered.

Do you feel he truly grieved the loss in a healthy way?
Are you upset because you think he is running from something or in denial about his pain?

Is he lying to the women and making any of them think they are his only lady friend?

Is he (sorry, we're adults here) sleeping with all or some of these women and therefore exposing himself to health risks?

Does he speak ill of your mother when he is around them or does he compare your mother to them in a negative way when he speaks to you?

If any of those things are going on, there are clear safety, health and emotional concerns you may need to find ways to address if possible. Depending on his and your religious beliefs, the situations above would again warrant concern and/or a discussion and prayer. But still, he is an adult so you can only do so much.

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Okay, so once you go through all those questions and scenarios, why else would your father's behavior be a problem?

If the reason is more about your preference for how he should grieve or honor your mother's memory / their relationship, it isn't fair to be upset with him for not meeting that expectation. Just as you would resist/resent him for being mad and or nagging you about something you do that isn't actually wrong, he as your father and elder, a grown man, deserves the same consideration.

Perhaps you think he should have put off dating longer? Or date only one woman at a time? Maybe you feel he should focus on finding a new spouse instead of dating for fun? Do you feel he shouldn't date at all? Or are you just upset he is spending more time dating than doing other activities?

While it's not your place to determine what he should be doing if his health and safety is not in jeopardy, it is important to figure out what is bothering you so you can work through that in your mind.

Take it from me. I learned the hard way I needed to separate what was necessary for me to be concerned about and what was not worth it or none of my business as far as my mom was concerned.

I hope this helped. I pray you can find peace. I'm sure you love your dad and I hope you can enjoy the time he still has by finding resolution within yourself. God bless you. I prayed for you and your dad.

Crazed: Imho, it's going to be common for you to be offended about your widowed father's romantic life as to YOU, there was only one partner for him and that was your dear mother.

Crazed,
You have heard of virtue signaling?
Some people just want to sound cool about sex, so try to ignore those who do not understand or appreciate that your father's behaviors might be upsetting to you.

The question was, "Should I be upset"....

God bless the man...he deserves a gold medal...5 ladies at 90! wow...your father is a playa'. My Grandpa will be very impressed with this one:) :)
You are forgetting that for men sex & love are Completely separate issues.
Not combined as they are for women
Lets the man enjoy his happiness.
Additionally when men are in emotional pain they seek out Lots of ladies to ease their pain
When women are in emotional pain, they shut down to other men
With all due respect, we come 'through' our parents, not from them.
Your father doesn't owe you, or anyone else justification for his choices.
That he has enough vitality & verve to hit on, & entertain multiple ladies is an inspiration at 70 let alone 80 or 90. Rather than sitting staring out of window or at a tv in a nursing home waiting for mr death is a miracle
Good genes, and positive thinking no doubt

I say, "Let him be happy". My mom passed in April and my poor 87 year old father doesn't know what to do with himself and is so dependent on me, at my house every night, and my husband and I spend time with him all weekend too. It's wearing on me. I've had anxiety and depression and barely had time to grieve my mother's passing. I pray every night he'll meet a nice lady. It doesn't bother me in the least. Life is for the living and we did everything we could for my mom. I say KUDOS to your dad and let him live. Our days our numbered on this Earth.

I know how "unusual" it is to see your mom/dad with another person. After my dad died of ALS, my mom began keeping time with a friend. They had good times together. It was really weird one day when I visited her in the morning and his car was still there. I swallowed twice, said "Good morning sir" and went about his business.
Put yourself in their position-they loved their spouse "until death do us part." The did all that was required of them. Neither you nor I can keep a dead person alive forever.

It might be offensive to the 5 ladies that he’s seeing multiple people at the same time but it certainly isn’t a mockery to his marriage. His marriage is over and he deserves to enjoy life

A man after my own heart! Go Go Go!

Hi. I can understand how your dads behaviour might offend some, especially a daughter who had a good relationship with their mother whilst she was alive.
Sadly she has passed on but your 90 yr old dad is still very much alive. It looks to me as though he is trying to make the most of what precious little time he has left.
Be thankful you still have a father in your life. He has earned his Stars and Stripes and now gets to play until it’s “ time to go”.
He would have to be a kind man to successfully date that many women at the same time without upsetting any of them. Put a smile upon your face at the thought of it all instead of being upset.
For surely he is a rare man indeed and as these women seem to respect him regardless, perhaps it’s time you did too.
Once we too age, we come to realise how precious life and this planet is, so do not begrudge him his happiness. Just try to find yours instead 😉

I believe you should allow your dad to date as many women as he wish. It’s unfair to stifle his ability to find happiness and companionship. I suggest you trust your dad’s wishes.

Crazed,
Your father is not like this, but I know of a daughter who was upset because her father was a serial marriage/divorce/marriage/divorce/marriage/divorce kind of guy.

The adult daughter came to love and include each new wife in their family.
After the fifth divorce, she told her father that she was not going to exclude (divorce) the last ex-wife, and kept her as family.

A father's actions and lifestyle do affect his family profoundly. If you don't want to tolerate your Dad's dating or include these strangers in your family, you can cut or decrease contact with him without guilt. imo.

Not focusing on what Dad is doing will help you be less upset. He sounds like a busy guy anyway. Let everyone else do for him what you have been doing.

Definitely NOT it is NOT anything against your mother! Your father is trying to enjoy life and have companionship. AS LONG AS HE DOES NOT LEAD THEM ON AS IF EACH IS THE ONLY ONE HE IS SEEING N he is Kind n Loving! Let him live what time God has given him to live his life! BE GLAD N Unselfish that he is mentally & physically able to do the many things most 90 yr old cannot!!! Be Alive, Walk, Eat. Talk, Love AND YOU STILL HAVE HIM IN YOUR LIFE YOU ARE VERY VERY BLESSED!!!! Dr Jack Grenan

Yes. As long as they dont care or are trying to steal from him.

Personally, I think it's a non-issue. I'm sure he loved your Mom very much, but he is lonely now and this makes him happy. Would you rather he sink into a depression? As long as he is nice to all of them, what harm can it do? Let him be happy as I bet all his lady friends are!

I can see how you might feel this way. This is your father and he was married to the woman who was your mother. Speaking as someone who doesnt have this emotional attachment, I dont think it is disgusting and I think it is fine. I do wish my mother could still have a dating life. She is 90 also. I think your reaction is because you are his daughter. Think about it from a different perspective, like if it was a friends father or someone else you just knew and he was 90 with Alzheimer’s. That might help.

His job now is to take good care of himself. A client of mine, 101 years had 7 different lady friends, all living in the same facility. He kept everyone happy and from time to time would have an occasion to invite everyone to a festivity. Everyone acted like grownups, including his 3 kids who had their preferences but wanted his happiness for the most part. And all the ladies were most cordial.
Quit judging and perhaps enjoy your own life

I wouldn't say too much. They will keep him occupied. Unless, he decides to get married. Then that might be a problem.

He’s no longer married to he he is a widower. And an adult. He isn’t seeing these ladies while married to your mom. He’s single. Why is it offensive well more to the point how is his dating life your business?

I say more power to him.

As long as it's just dating, why not? Marriage might be another thing. If there are assets, he should be sure that he has a will and possibly a prenup.

Sorry, but I really don't think this has anything to do with his marriage to your mom. He's probably lonely and enjoys the company of these different ladies. Have you considered what the alternative would be?