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When i was 13 my mum who was mentally ill took her own life, the only sister who hadnt married took care of me until I was 19, Trhoughout the care she was picking on me for everything.........I was frustrated but didnt mind as much when i was needy,,,,,,,,but now that I am 67 she is 83 At every event that Ive had or pleasant thing I do. she has made a remark which is just plain nasty negative and critical. These choices dont affect her ...I even moved away 9 years ago so that we had distance between us Four hours drive in fact.........yet now she has emailed unkind things for no reason It gets me down and I dont know know if I should get back in touch after Ive told her I cant handle this criticism anymore,Ps She hasnt done or had a lot of the things that shes criticised me for. Thank you Christine
Thanks forany input

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I agree with everyone and want to add that therapy could help you understand why you still feel like this is a “critical” relationship you need to keep in your life at all. Your circumstances were unfortunate and she was damaged in a way that she has not worked to overcome all these years, and she sees you as the source of her unhappiness. Who knows what she blames you for, but as an adult, MANY years later, she should have some perspective: you lost your mom while you were still a child and it wasn’t your fault she was the one who ended up stuck taking care of you. At this point, she’s probably not going to change and blaming you is easier than dealing with her role in whatever decisions she made as an adult that have made her bitter and mean. Best to stay away. Far away. And if she ever reaches you by phone, just hang up. You don’t deserve to be her emotional whipping boy.
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Reply to ShirleyDot
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You should try going into witness protection in another location so your sister cannot hurt you anymore.
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Reply to Sendhelp
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I don't see any reason why you would get back in touch with her.
You've done well to establish some distance, and some boundaries, I hope.

If she is emailing you to say nasty things, simply delete the emails without reading. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

Try to see her view of things. She was forced into being a mother to a 13 year old, something she may have resented, but not been able to express. Instead, she took her resentment out on you, since you were younger and more vulnerable. She hasn't let go of that feeling which you remind her of. It isn't your fault. And you can't fix her feelings of resentment. You can only protect yourself by not engaging with her. By not being a part of her life, hopefully she can learn to let go of the negative feelings she has, which you seem to stir in her.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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No. Who needs a nasty mean person in their life? Block her email, her phone number, don't go see her, and enjoy being free of her. You've grown beyond her and the circumstances that kept you together. Congratulate yourself for that, and keep growing!
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Reply to Fawnby
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Your sister probably resented the fact that she was the one expected to care for you. You were wise to get far enough away from her so you did not have to deal with it. If these emails are something new, Sister may have some cognitive problems or looking back on life and blaming you that she is not happy. Why do you feel you should get in touch, because she is your sister? Do you want the stress of dealing with someone who is nasty to you? I would block her from everything. If you feel she needs help, call Adult Protection Services in your County and ask for a wellness check.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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We can't choose our family members but we can choose how much or if we interact with them. Let her go, block her completely and spend your energy into finding solid friendships or other relationships.

If you think she is mentally ill (or has a personality disorder) or even dementia you can still avoid her but report her to your social services appropriate to check on the elderly. Then move on.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Why would you want to continue on with this abuse? Do you feel like in some way you deserve it? Gosh, I hope not, because you don't.
Life is too short and precious to allow such toxicity in it, so give yourself permission to move on and away from people that mean you harm.
Block your sisters calls and let her emails go to spam, and then just delete them without reading them.
This relationship isn't healthy for either of you, so time to cut her loose completely.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Well this is an easy no.
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Reply to olddude
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Your sister sounds like an abusive bully and It is okay not to allow your sister in your life anymore. Sometimes sisters just don't like each other and you can let go if you want. Protect your mental health by blocking her calls and sending her emails to your spam folder.

Your mother's death negatively impacted both your lives and probably has a lot to do with your sister's current behavior. But none of what happened is your fault.

I've had a depressing relationship with my sister over the years, she is 65 and I'm 70. Our mother was a difficult woman and unfortunately for my sister, she inherited a lot of her negative traits. I had hoped to maintain our relationship until our 95 y/o father finally dies but I've learned recently that I simply cannot. I have to let her go.

It's sad but it is what it is.
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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No one needs extra negativity in their lives. It's toxic. Stay away, especially given the fact that she's still spewing negative remarks. She sounds like a bully.
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Reply to MTNester1
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I’m sure the loss of your mother in such sad circumstances at a young age had a profound impact on the lives of both you and your sister. I’m sorry you both went through that. It doesn’t excuse poor treatment and criticism. I have a sibling who’s frequently rude, mean, and cruel. I learned years ago to protect myself and limit my exposure. You were wise to put distance between you and sister. Continue to do what will best protect your emotions and wellbeing. No one deserves constant negativity and criticism. I wish you peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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I'm so sorry for everything you have gone through. It's OK to not get back in touch with a mean sister. I hope you can find a good therapist to work through things with.
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Reply to JustAnon
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You might get a variety of responses to this question. My answer is "no, don't reenter this relationship." I'm lowering my contact with one of my siblings after many years of him and his wife treating me poorly. We live within walking distance of each other. I regret not having a good relationship with my brother, but I don't think there's anything I can do to fix the problems.
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Reply to Rosered6
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