
When i was 13 my mum who was mentally ill took her own life, the only sister who hadnt married took care of me until I was 19, Trhoughout the care she was picking on me for everything.........I was frustrated but didnt mind as much when i was needy,,,,,,,,but now that I am 67 she is 83 At every event that Ive had or pleasant thing I do. she has made a remark which is just plain nasty negative and critical. These choices dont affect her ...I even moved away 9 years ago so that we had distance between us Four hours drive in fact.........yet now she has emailed unkind things for no reason It gets me down and I dont know know if I should get back in touch after Ive told her I cant handle this criticism anymore,Ps She hasnt done or had a lot of the things that shes criticised me for. Thank you Christine
Thanks forany input
You've done well to establish some distance, and some boundaries, I hope.
If she is emailing you to say nasty things, simply delete the emails without reading. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
Try to see her view of things. She was forced into being a mother to a 13 year old, something she may have resented, but not been able to express. Instead, she took her resentment out on you, since you were younger and more vulnerable. She hasn't let go of that feeling which you remind her of. It isn't your fault. And you can't fix her feelings of resentment. You can only protect yourself by not engaging with her. By not being a part of her life, hopefully she can learn to let go of the negative feelings she has, which you seem to stir in her.
If you think she is mentally ill (or has a personality disorder) or even dementia you can still avoid her but report her to your social services appropriate to check on the elderly. Then move on.
Life is too short and precious to allow such toxicity in it, so give yourself permission to move on and away from people that mean you harm.
Block your sisters calls and let her emails go to spam, and then just delete them without reading them.
This relationship isn't healthy for either of you, so time to cut her loose completely.
Your mother's death negatively impacted both your lives and probably has a lot to do with your sister's current behavior. But none of what happened is your fault.
I've had a depressing relationship with my sister over the years, she is 65 and I'm 70. Our mother was a difficult woman and unfortunately for my sister, she inherited a lot of her negative traits. I had hoped to maintain our relationship until our 95 y/o father finally dies but I've learned recently that I simply cannot. I have to let her go.
It's sad but it is what it is.