Should I pre plan for my dad's cremation?

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Should I pre plan for my dad's cremation?

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Pre-pay worked well for us. It was straight forward and covered both my parents wishes. We went through the local funeral home (very small town) and could not be happier.

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Prepaid for MIL cremation via a crematorium. It included 5 copies of death certificates, transportation of her remains, notification of social security, plain basic cremation box, placing of obituary in the local paper (which we needed to pay for). They were very informative, not pushy, and when the time came empathetic and professional. If a nicer urn is desired you can purchase from them or purchase one yourself. We opted to purchase ourselves, the obituary ran an additional 200, by shopping around I was able to find very nice urns for around 300. Prepay urn purchase and they can have it engraved when the time is right, would also ask about prepaying newspaper notification if possible, that way nothing else to worry about. Going this route saved over $2500 compared to funeral home. Is dad a vet by any chance? He can be interred at one of the many national cemeteries. We postponed MIL service to make it easier for those who lived out of state and attending school to attend, then covid reared it's ugly head. FIL had passed in 1992 so when she moved in with us he did too. They were interred together at a national cemetery because he was a WW II vet. Some look at services as a way to honor their loved one, guess I look at it as a form of respect but also a celebration of their life. To give other family members closure maybe an informal luncheon or a picnic at one of his favorite parks to share stories and memories? Unfortunately in these times department of defense limited service to no more than 20 people. We plan on doing a lunch with extended family and friends when things get a bit better. Dad's wishes are what matters in this instance, not theirs, not going to be easy dealing with those that think they know what's best, stick to your guns and tell them this is what HE wanted and you are carrying out his final wishes.

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Concerned43 - you might find this site helpful. Funeral Consumers Alliance. This national organization helps consumers navigate the funeral and/or disposition of body arrangements. New information on Green Burials and Home Funerals, where no funeral home need be involved, is also provided.

You are wise to plan ahead. This can be one of the more expensive purchases (although it doesn’t have to be) that we make. We shop for cars, we shop for homes, we plan weddings, but too often this event is not planned for, nor “shopped around” for. Your father is lucky to have such a thoughtful daughter.

https://funerals.org/

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Plenty of suggestions and advice here for preparing, but one big question you had was regarding the siblings and their disapproval of cremation. It is great you got him to put it in his will, HOWEVER, generally wills are dealt with AFTER a burial or cremation. Generally.

It might be a good idea to write up something for him to read and sign, stating his wishes, which you can send or give to them now, or give it to them when he passes and they ask about arrangements. It would be even better if he would just tell them THIS IS WHAT I WANT. It isn't any of their business.

Meanwhile, you could get all the pre-payment and planning done now. You don't need their input, just dad's. As others said, paying up now will ensure there are funds available to cover it, and it will be set so you don't have to scramble when the time comes.

Mom and dad had set up something a while ago, but when taking over her finances, I did find a check she had to write to the funeral home to cover the balance for dad's cremation and burial. If my recollection is correct, it was about $2300. This covered picking up the body, cremation, arranging with the Marines for military burial, and whatever else mom wanted. I had to inquire with them as to where her "plan" stands, and what it covers. He sent a copy of the agreement to me.

Funny that this topic popped up for me today. It was almost a year ago that he told me the interest has brought it to almost fully paid (set up just prior to dad passing, which would explain the extra cost then, but it was 13 yrs ago, so she's likely all set!) He did say there might be about $500 in transport and clergy, but I sent email again this morning asking if we could just pick up the remains. She's 97, all her gen on both sides are gone, as are many other friends and family. Some remaining friends likely wouldn't go that far - none went to dad's burial. She's been in MC for several years, so even those have lost touch. Most likely it would just be me and my daughter, no service or clergy needed. It isn't so much about the extra cost, but that it is rather silly to have them drive the remains all the way there for just putting her ashes in with dad's!!

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I think , too, that saying your wishes doesn't mean that anyone who wants to cannot have a bar gathering to hoist a few in your name, or a beautifully catered celebration of this life and what it means to you/meant to you in your own home. People have strange practices around all this that brings them comfort, and boy, am I ever for whatever brings comfort.

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Note about pre-planning funerals/cremation: If the funeral homes goes out of business, no worries--this is an insurance company that takes the money which the funeral home is reimbursed once the person dies and body processed. Any other local funeral home will honor the plan because it is ongoing cash coming into the business. You get cash discounts with pre-planning AND the plan is fixed.

Another alternative is DONATING the body to science. The cremation is free once the body is used for research or training future surgeons. You get two free death certificates and the body is shipped to and from the facility back to your home all free. Google how to donate body to science.

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I am all for this.I am an old Nurse with no religious or other things precluding this. But someone considering it might want to read Mary Roach's great book "Stiff" to see what actually happens to people who do donate. If you are good with this (and I DECIDELY AM),then do it. But you need to understand. There is a wealth of scientific information in our bodies, and even after death we can contribute so much. I am just saying that we should understand the facts.

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Imho, yes, follow your dad's wishes by setting up cremation and pre paying for it with his funds.

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Do what you feel is best, honoring his wishes. As for the siblings, if he left them nothing, they won't be around of interested in going to a service.

I know this 'cause my mom requested something similar. She was so right. When her remaining living siblings were notified of her passing, no word from any of them. In fact, a niece sent a thank you card, where she scribbled on a memory for her, and that was it.

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Just a thought here. If your dad is able to still make up his mind about this he might want to go the route I have planned for myself. I have donated my body to our local medical college for research. After its use they do the cremation at no cost to my family and send the cremains to whomever. I feel like it's my last useful act, it saves my family money and hassle.

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I can't imagine a single human, no matter how old or sick or healthy, who wouldn't pre-plan their future, and funeral. I have done this all my life since my 20's. I will be 87 and I am 100% paid and planned for everything - and I have peace. It is just plain common sense to do things like this in advance.

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If you are thinking about prepaying for a funeral or at least committing to a specific business, then this is fine if you know where you will be living when "the time" comes. For those of us who move around the country (or the world), it's a bit more difficult.

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Should I pre plan for my dad's cremation?

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