Dad, 90, has dementia, the neurologist doesn't know which form. Dad is having sundowning behavior, mostly wanting to go to bed extra early. We're night owls and his usual bed time is 11:30-12:00. Lately he has been wanting to go to bed around 9:00. Sometimes, he asks before dinner (7:00) if it's time for bed. It is causing much stress, trying to explain multiple times each evening that it is not time for bed. (And then answering his many questions re: where he sleeps, who sleeps with him, is he sleeping in the same house as the night before, etc.)
Would there be a problem letting him go to bed whenever he wants, provided he's eaten and taken his medication? Or will it likely add to his confusion?
He and Mom have always shared a bed, but Mom and I have talked about switching them to twin beds and putting up a room divider. Then if Dad needs to go bed extra early, he will have more privacy. It would almost be like a separate room, and it is less likely to disrupt his sleep when Mom goes to bed.
Fast forward to 2:45 this morning, when I got up to go to the bathroom. I saw the light on in the den and Dad was sitting in his recliner, fully dressed for the day, asleep. I debated whether to wake him and send him back to bed, but decided against it. I lay in bed for half and hour, worrying whether he might try to go outside (even though he hasn't so far), when I heard the bathroom door close.
I waited in the hall, and when he came out, I told him to go back to bed. He said no, and I told him "everybody is in bed." He asked if I was going back to bed and I said yes, so he asked, "where do I go?" I guided him to his room and watched from a distance as he started to change back into his pjs. An hour later I woke up for yet another bathroom trip (I guess I shouldn't have had that cup of chai at bedtime) and he was still sleeping in his bed.
At least I managed the whole ordeal without waking my mom or sister. Of course Dad hasn't mentioned it today so I haven't.
Dad does sleep a lot in his recliner during the day. Part of this, we believe, is that he has never treated his sleep apnea as well as he should. During the past year, he averaged wearing the mask 2-3 hours in an 8-hour night. He pretty much quit using it altogether about a month ago, when he started having muscle pain in his back. We try to talk him into using it each night, but he will tell us, "I don't want to." We aren't going to force him to wear the mask; he'd just take it off once everyone has gone to bed. His doctors have stressed that with CHF and A-fib, he really needs to treat his sleep apnea, but Dad is 90 and stubborn as they come.
We will see how it goes, not stopping him if he wants to go bed shortly after dinner. We were just concerned whether it might cause more confusion. A couple of times in the past year or so, when he wasn't feeling good and went to bed early, he'd wake up just as we were going to bed. He would think it was morning and start to get dressed. It would take half an hour to convince him it was still night. Even looking at a clock or out the window at the dark didn't seem to help.
Yes, we are blessed so far that he doesn't have so many of the typical sundowning behaviors. So far, no trying to leave the house or becoming aggressive. Just lots and lots of the same questions. We know our stress will lessen by letting him go to bed when he wants, we just didn't want to do that if it might not be best for him.
My great grandfather, who was really healthy, mentally and physically, used to take a nap every afternoon for one hour. He asked my great mama to wake him up in one hour. He walked about 6 miles a day up until he was in his 80's, but, he always got his daily nap. lol
Also, many people’s sleeping habits change as they age and just because he used to always go to bed around midnight doesn't mean something is wrong with him now, it just means he’s old and can’t stay up as late.
I have a bad back and by 7-8 pm I am DONE for the day unless I've had a lie-down around 1-2. When I am up, I am UP, meaning walking, working & running my life. I don't sit during the day, for the most part.
The idea to put up a room divider and placing twin beds in the room is a great one. Dad can check out early and mom can stay up with the rest of you.
I'm only 63 but, oh, how I LOVE my quiet, cool bedroom. DH likes to stay up half the night reading, watching TV, snacking, doing crossword puzzles. His bedroom is HIS sanctuary and mine is mine. YEARS ago I realized that he was just miserable sharing a room with me as we have such different bio-clocks. Also he insists on a TV in the bedroom and I didn't want one in there. He wouldn't bend on that issue, so I moved out.
We both wake up multiple times during the night, but not at the same times. Neither of us sleeps well in the same bed---staying at hotels--we get a 2-King room.
My mother (age 90) goes to bed at 7. She sleeps about 12-14 hours. I think this is normal. Honestly, just moving around the little she does in a day is pretty small. But she's got a myriad of health issues and tires easily.
Dad is sundowning? And he WANTS to go to bed? That's a lot better option than some of the sundowning behavior we hear about. Take your cue from him, if he wants to sleep, let him.
I would allow him to go to bed when he is ready. Nine isn't too bad. Then, you all have some time to yourselves to wind down ur day. My GFs Dad went to bed at 7pm and was up at 5am.
I go to bed when my difficult back gets tired and starts hurting, usually between 7.30 and 8pm. I often don’t go to sleep until later, and I am awake for a while in the night as well. I’d say stop the stress of keeping your 90 year old father out of bed, and let him go as soon as he wants to after dinner. If he wakes when your mother comes to bed later, he should easily go back to sleep if he still needs it. Most older people are awake for a while in the night, and they are resting even if not asleep the whole time. Experiment and see how it works out!