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Absolutely not. Do not bring your youngsters into hospital
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Grandma1954 Jun 2021
Why? As a 10 year old I would have loved to have seen my mom before she died.
I am sure the “reality” of the hospital was less frightening than the imagination of this 10 year olds mind.
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My nearly adult age kids couldn't handle seeing grandpa in the hospital. Even having him here for dinner was a challenge, as he looked terrible and frightening to them. I know one daughter, who loved her gpa tremendously, would have terrible panic attacks after seeing him.

The younger girl (age about 17 at the time) was better, but still preferred to send him cards or talk to him on the phone. A hospital visit would have sent these two over the edge.

I have 14 grands. When I lost all my hair, due to chemo and couldn't stand to wear that itchy wig, I simply wore a hat and scarf and kept their visits very short. Some handled it very well, others would cry the entire time. Age seemed to have nothing to do with their ability to look at me. My own HUSBAND couldn't bear to look at my bald head. I had to cover it up around HIM.

Seeing someone you love, sick and miserable, and not falling apart yourself, is a skill that some people never master.

A 2 and 4 yo? Well, they won't be allowed in the hospital, so that's a no brainer. The older kids? Well, they can probably go in, but most hospitals limit the # of visitors to 2 at any time.

Sadly, as much as this IS about dad, it's also about the children and their respective abilities to handle seeing someone they love sick and in a hospital.

Whatever you do, do not force the kids to see gpa. Let them call, send cards, do a ZOOM visit--but absolutely NO guilting them into going in person.
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MaryBX Jun 2021
Hello !
I am deeply sorry you have to endure cancer and for your dad… hope you are going better now.
Actually hospital allowed calm children even if they are under 6. And of course I will never force them. They asked it even after I warned them about my dad’s condition so I think they really want too. But yes calling him or sending card is a good alternative if it’s too hard. I have taken some pictures of him and I will show them to them so they can realize if they are ready or not to visit him (at least the oldest).
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For a LOT of reasons I won't go into, bringing toddler and preschool age children into a hospital environment is a REALLY bad idea, especially if there are machines involved.

Can you Facetime or Zoom?

Just as an example, when my son (now 36) was 7, he needed a CAT scan. We explained up and down and six ways to Tuesday what it was about. He had had xrays, so we thought he understood. He was 7, and very bright. And as we crossed the threshold to the imaging facility, he grasped my hand and looked up at me and asked, "mom, when do the cats cone out?".

Your children will NOT understand what they are seeing and will be frightened.
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jacobsonbob Jun 2021
It probably would have been helpful if the acronym "CAT" had been explained to him.

When I was that age or younger, there was a problem with the car, and my father told me we needed to go see Mr. Wolf to get it fixed. I was afraid to go, so my father explained "No, I didn't mean that he IS a wolf--it's just that his NAME is Wolf!" That assured me that I wasn't going to be gobbled up--like the first two little pigs!
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No, not until he's better than this anyway. You can explain all you like, the children are far too young to make anything of your explanation until they see their beloved grandpa looking like death warmed up and with a frightening mask clamped over his face. I'll put money on it that the younger one will scream his poor little head off. Give it a few days yet.
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MaryBX Jun 2021
That’s really interesting to me and helpful to have all your different opinions and point of views. It could be better too, I’ll think about it.
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Explain what is going on with Grandpa.
He can't breathe well now so they have a mask on him to make sure he gets enough oxygen.
He can't drink a lot now or eat a lot now so they are making sure he has enough energy by putting it in a vein in his arm, they can give him medicine that way also.
He is real tired so we will go visit just for a little while.
If you are frightened at all let me know and we can go down the hall to a quiet area. Hospitals have lots of strange noises, and some people make noises.
If you can take a picture of Grandpa so they know what he looks like with all the "stuff" attached to him. Depending on how much they grasp it may not even look like Grandpa.
The important thing is let them be the guide as to how much they want, how long they want to stay. You might even want to bring coloring book, colored pencils or crayons, let them bring their tablets/pads if they have one and if all they want to do is sit and play a game let them. Trust me they are watching and listening.
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GardenArtist Jun 2021
Grandma1954, Excellent suggestions.
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I think as long as you explain to them grandpas condition, and any equipment he may have attached to him, they should be fine.
Perhaps next time you go for a visit, take a picture of your dad in his bed with whatever he has on him, and then you can show it to your children ahead of time to gage their reaction. That should give you an idea on whether to proceed with the kids visit or not, and will prepare them for what grandpa looks like now.
I think it will do them all good(especially your dad in his healing process)to be able to see each other. And you may have to show them the picture(s) more than once so they are not shocked. Best wishes.
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MaryBX Jun 2021
That’s a good idea 😉 and indeed it could show if they are ready or not.
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I have mixed feelings about this.  I think it could benefit your father, but might frighten the children, especially since they're so young.   You might consider this though:  explain to the children that your father needs some help, and all the machines are helping him to get better, to come home, and to visit with them longer.   If you can help them understand that the hospitalization is intended for positive results, that might help.

The 2 year old might not understand that, so that would be a concern.    If you do bring them, make it a short visit.

OTOH, since he is improving, it might be more helpful in the long run to wait until that improvement has taken place.
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MaryBX Jun 2021
Yes I agree too, wait a few weeks could be better.
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No to those who are not school age. There is no way to explain anything to them, and it would be a frightening experience. To older children, if they wish to go, yes, but prepare them for what they will see and discuss with them the experience afterward, asking them if they have questions about what they saw. Answer honestly, gently and briefly. For most children the experience comes down in reality to a) can this happen to ME and b) can this happen to anyone that I love. Shock is fine. It opens you to questions and education. But when they are too young to educate it serves nothing good. Also, children are very tiring for an elder. VERY BRIEF visits if allowed and with the permission firstly of the elder him or herself.
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MaryBX Jun 2021
Yes I agree, I think indeed the smallest is too young, so maybe for my older, of your and it stays quite young too, it would better. If the older one visits him it won’t be for more than 10-15 minutes. And like I said in the post the hospital allows them and of course he wanna see them...
Sorry if I misunderstood what you said but you used the pronouns « they » for the older children and there is only one because they are two.
Thanks for your answer 😊
Mary 🪴
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