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This was a question on Dear Abby today. Of course there were mixed answers. Me, I never thought about asking for gas money but then I was working and better off than my retired parents. The answers on the DA forum were mostly yes if its a financial burden on the child. Which it could be if elderly are in their 80s and children retired on fixed incomes too. If not retired, did the children also need to take an unpaid day off of work to drive the parents to these appts?


What would you do?

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I never would. And I don’t. Just as my parents have never charged me for babysitting the boys or taking them for a week’s vacation. For us, it’s all about give and take. We help each other out. For us, that’s just what family does. We don’t nickel and dime each other.
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I let my dad pay me as he’s So happy he’s living in his apartment at 96 and has a pension.
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I think that an offer would be nice but, if you don't need the money then thank them and refuse.

Neither of my parents ever offer(ed) to pay a penny. I don't need or want their money but, dang, just an offer to show appreciation would be so awesome.

My mom used to drive an older friend to get groceries once a week and the friend insisted on putting fuel, buying lunch and even putting new tires on her truck when she had a problem.

I think it shows how entitled the individual feels or how appreciative they are.
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My father never thought to offer money for gas. He would want me to have lunch with him which he would pay for...he thought that was compensation. The thing is, I don't usually eat lunch, and I really didn't want to tack another hour on to our 'visit'. He always acted like he was doing me the favor by buying me lunch. Another reason why I didn't like that option.
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My dad, bless his heart, would try to pay for my gas every time I went up to see them (an hour away). It was his way of showing his gratitude, but I would gently remind him that I wanted to come and was able to pay for my own gas. However, the rule in our family was also "Be a gracious recipient," so at times I would let him give me $20, and he learned to let me pay for lunch at times. The money wasn't about "money" -- it represented other things.

We do things for those we love because we love them, not because we're being paid to do it. If money's a real issue, then OK, let someone pay, but otherwise I think it's the responsibility of the child to do some paying back for the care they received growing up.
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freqflyer Nov 2021
Mj1929, my folks did the same thing whenever I drove them somewhere they needed, they would insist I swing into the gas station to fill up the tank.
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Burnt, did u mean Medicaid? Straight Medicare does not pay for transportation unless an emergency.

"Medicare Part B may cover medically necessary transportation ordered by a doctor, and Medicare Part A may cover emergency transportation. ... Some Medicare Advantage plans may cover non-emergency transportation, such as trips to your doctor's office or clinic."
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I've got news about the elderly being on a "fixed income". Everyone is on a fixed income at every age.
Unless a person can spend indiscriminately with unlimited funds, while never having to look at a bank statement or check an account balance, they are on a fixed income.
These days the elderly are one of the few elite groups in society who actually have disposable income. Yes, they should be paying for things like rides to appointments and even for the time someone has to spend sitting with them in a doctor's office.
It's one thing if the elder is poor and can't afford to pay. In that case they can qualify to get some hours of aide service paid for by Medicare who will take them to the doctor and run errands so their adult kids don't have to miss work.
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I think it depends on how often, how far and the financial circumstances of both parties, but my initial reaction is of course they should offer gas money (and pay for parking too if needed). Many years ago when I dropped my mom off at her hair appointment I was asked if I'd mind giving couple of ladies a ride home, it wasn't out of my way and I was shocked when they each handed me a toonie ($2), I protested and they insisted! That's just the way people in my home town think (or at least they used to) ... you pay your own way.
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