My one siblings family constantly borrows and manipulates my father and the sibling knows it. My fathers decision making skills are way off and he goes the opposite direction when we have decided to do business actions. How do i take charge and what happens when it blows up with the family? I live in a joining state and my father has me as POA and Executor. My brother hates it and tells his children I am going to committ my father and take his farm. The will is specific, but behind the scenes things are going on and my father lies to me about things he is doing. He has me do various financial things and all the hard work and then deceives me on certain things dealing with my brother and his family. I know my father makes very poor decisions and acts very immature, but I find out what he's up to and it is in direct opposition to what he tells me to do for him. He has blown over $18000.00 in the past three months and I can't figure out where it went.
While I agree that simply making "bad" decisions (or ones that are different than those we might make in the same circumstance) does not mean that someone no longer has capacity, this MIGHT be a sign that your father is suffering from memory impairment or other cognitive decline. The POA document itself will state how "capacity" is to be determined -- sometimes, it states that two physicians must put their finding in writing. Sometimes, there are other triggers. However, as POA, if you feel that your father might have become incapacitated (or be on the way), you could consider taking him for a neuropsychological evaluation by a properly credentialed professional. This is an in-depth look at memory, decision making, and other cognitive measures and is an accepted way of determining capacity. If the evaluation comes back that your father still has capacity, then you will need to find a way to work within the reality of the situation, for now. Alternatively, you might learn that you ARE able to invoke the POA and take charge. As I caution all of my clients, be sure that you take charge without taking over. There is a fine line...
Sheri Samotin, CPC, PDMM
Author of Facing the FInish: A Road Map for Aging Parents and Adult Children
IF you believe your dad qualifies as "incapacitated" and want the POA to kick in, you better work it from that angle, contact the family physician and document what you feel is proof that your dad is incapacitated.
If you don't want the responsibility of being POA then tell your dad to name someone else. You can still be Executor. The POA ends when your dad dies.