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She had mom sign it.She also told my mom that since she felt I would spend all my half that she would be in charge of doing out a little at a time if she felt I needed it.
How rude! Just because someone goes in a care facility doesn't mean they weren't loved! You don't know the situation that lead to this decision Irish person. That's just a mean thing to say
That's not what I said, stop the dramatics. What I said was it's not the same as doing hands on caregiving, because it isn't.
I didn't say anything about not being loved...sigh. Many times it isn't possible to keep someone at home and a facility is the only option.
I was referring(try reading) to that poster that they had no problem with their siblings splitting things 3 ways evenly was due to the fact that one of them wasn't doing hands on caregiving without help of the other two, Which often requires the sole caregiver to give up their job.
Again, try reading.
It's very easy to split things 3 ways evenly when mom or dad is an facility, somewhat different when one sibling gives up their job, moves in with a parent, or the parent moves in with them, does all the hard work, is on call 24/7, while the other sibling who does NOTHING, but magically now has time once the parent is gone and now thinks everything should be 50/50.
Kind of like of going out to a restaurant, you get iced tea and burger, others get drinks, appetizer, and steaks, bill arrives and you hear "Let's just split it"....LOL.
To the rest of you who responded to irishboy about my comments, I was simply responding to the financial side of the question. I cared for my dad everyday. Only when he became bedridden, did I need to have a caregiver come in and help me with the lifting and bathing. I wasn't about to "blow my own horn" about the everyday care I gave Dad, because I did it because he was such a good father and always took such good care of me and the rest of the family. The spreadsheets I sent my brother and sister were about the costs of his medicine, personal items, caregiver costs, etc. It doesn't mean I wasn't there for him each and everyday.
Sunflower, thanks for the explanation and help in putting your situation into perspective. When I read your earlier post, I had the same impression as IrishBoy, i.e., that you were not active in daily caregiving.
I do think you're to be commended for not using it as a (i.e., "I did everything...cooked, cleaned, provided personal hygiene attention, waited on him hand and foot, never had a moment to myself"...on and on and on as some posters do, playing the "pity me" pity card) but that respectful and professional omission lead me to believe that your participation was primarily financial.
I appreciate your taking the time to correct that misconception.
Also to the one who said Shelly has chosen to be vague
You both are way off First of all my do all sibling only came out to our state to get my mom moved by her because she was in financial trouble and wanted to get my mom in a vulnerable lonely place so she could black mail her into giving her money now to keep her four homes
She turned on me simply because I chose not to be stupid I always had great instincts about things and when I confronted her with the truth she got mad that I knew the truth She has not moved in to take care of my mom My mom is living on her own in her own home that my sister went and found and had my mom buy My sister also wanted my mom to put her new house in my sisters kids name so ( government won't get house if she goes into care) Long before she moved my mom and my mom is not even sick nor was she 15 years ago when my sister started planning this . She found out how many years a person could have a home in their name before medical would pay for a nursing home You need to understand I am not being vague it's just so complicated I did not want to bore you with details My sister is a sneaky little witch and started planning my moms death twenty years ago. Once she got my mom moved to her state she told me I'm not part of the family so I should just live my life and leave them alone
There are so many evil things that went on with this that if I had time to explain it all you would never make a comment such as m " the do nothing sibling" Since she pulled her out of state there is not much care I could give Ten years before she took my mom to her state she never came one time to see her
As far as hands on care there has not been any
Only my sister setting things up so she's in full control
Bring in control of my dads money when he passed was not enough and age has informed me that I don't belong or fit in with the family
That's just one small thing she has done She's also told many lies about me to make my mom turn on me
What I feel is that a mother should never be able to be talked into turning her back on one sibling If the mother loves both the kids then she should act it instead of teaming up with one daughter against the other
I would never do that to my kids and it's impossible for me to understand any mother that wot is allow her one child to turn her against the other one As for me being the do nothing sibling
It was me who made sure my mom was taken care of for holidays and fixing things in her house when she lived closer My sister has only been involved got three years and has not had any need to do any hands in at all
Shelly 92, next time try posting what you wrote last as your first post. You were being very vague. You start a thread that gives little information and is almost cryptic and than act shocked that people ask questions.
I'm very sorry. I do not believe I'm acting shocked . First off I'm obviously new to this site so if I make some posting mistakes cut me some slack.
Also I have been on many support online groups and from what I understand the whole purpose of these forums is to give SUPPORT not attack the poster for mistakes or lack of understanding
I did make my post short In my experience it seems people do not want to read big long posts from others . So I tried to explain also tried not making it to long .
Does that make sense ?
All in all We are supposed to encourage one another not judge another because the poster did not present her message in a certain way .
If people see this they get afraid to post and they may really needing support right now. So please instead of judging that I acted shocked Or complaining of the way I posted try being more understanding
Usually support is needed because a person does not know what to do in a situation . Be kind to others
I get that you are hurting Irishboy But that is no reason to verbally attack or judge so harshly.ex ( the do nothing sibling ) you wrote
This is a SUPPORT group
Seems to me we get enough beating up already When we come here Lay down your weapons and instead just try to understand even if you don't know all the facts.
Most likely coming from one person's side you never will know all the facts.
We don't have to know We should just be there , support and let others know we get their pain. Please anyone on this forum tell me how wrong I am about this.
I really doubt anyone could fight a person stating Support is the name of this game
I understand it is a support group. But you wrote two sentences that gave no information to understand the situation.
People aren't mind readers.
Below are two phone messages. Which do you think makes sense and explains the problem?
1) I'm in trouble....click.
2) I'm in trouble because I was driving my car and the tire blew, I am at a gas station at 4th and Main, can you come pick me up, they have to order a tire.
See how that goes? You don't need to write a book, but unless you provide some information, it's impossible to understand the issue.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I didn't say anything about not being loved...sigh. Many times it isn't possible to keep someone at home and a facility is the only option.
I was referring(try reading) to that poster that they had no problem with their siblings splitting things 3 ways evenly was due to the fact that one of them wasn't doing hands on caregiving without help of the other two, Which often requires the sole caregiver to give up their job.
Again, try reading.
It's very easy to split things 3 ways evenly when mom or dad is an facility, somewhat different when one sibling gives up their job, moves in with a parent, or the parent moves in with them, does all the hard work, is on call 24/7, while the other sibling who does NOTHING, but magically now has time once the parent is gone and now thinks everything should be 50/50.
Kind of like of going out to a restaurant, you get iced tea and burger, others get drinks, appetizer, and steaks, bill arrives and you hear "Let's just split it"....LOL.
I do think you're to be commended for not using it as a (i.e., "I did everything...cooked, cleaned, provided personal hygiene attention, waited on him hand and foot, never had a moment to myself"...on and on and on as some posters do, playing the "pity me" pity card) but that respectful and professional omission lead me to believe that your participation was primarily financial.
I appreciate your taking the time to correct that misconception.
The do nothin sibling
Also to the one who said
Shelly has chosen to be vague
You both are way off
First of all my do all sibling only came out to our state to get my mom moved by her because she was in financial trouble and wanted to get my mom in a vulnerable lonely place so she could black mail her into giving her money now to keep her four homes
She turned on me simply because I chose not to be stupid
I always had great instincts about things and when I confronted her with the truth she got mad that I knew the truth
She has not moved in to take care of my mom
My mom is living on her own in her own home that my sister went and found and had my mom buy
My sister also wanted my mom to put her new house in my sisters kids name so ( government won't get house if she goes into care)
Long before she moved my mom and my mom is not even sick nor was she 15 years ago when my sister started planning this .
She found out how many years a person could have a home in their name before medical would pay for a nursing home
You need to understand I am not being vague it's just so complicated I did not want to bore you with details
My sister is a sneaky little witch and started planning my moms death twenty years ago.
Once she got my mom moved to her state she told me I'm not part of the family so I should just live my life and leave them alone
There are so many evil things that went on with this that if I had time to explain it all you would never make a comment such as m
" the do nothing sibling"
Since she pulled her out of state there is not much care I could give
Ten years before she took my mom to her state she never came one time to see her
As far as hands on care there has not been any
Only my sister setting things up so she's in full control
Bring in control of my dads money when he passed was not enough and age has informed me that I don't belong or fit in with the family
That's just one small thing she has done
She's also told many lies about me to make my mom turn on me
What I feel is that a mother should never be able to be talked into turning her back on one sibling
If the mother loves both the kids then she should act it instead of teaming up with one daughter against the other
I would never do that to my kids and it's impossible for me to understand any mother that wot is allow her one child to turn her against the other one
As for me being the do nothing sibling
It was me who made sure my mom was taken care of for holidays and fixing things in her house when she lived closer
My sister has only been involved got three years and has not had any need to do any hands in at all
The monies will be given to the caregiver who chooses to take on the job of caring for your parent..
This money is salary paid for daily 24/7 work.. Parent still pays their own living expenses..
It's called communication.
I do not believe I'm acting shocked .
First off
I'm obviously new to this site so if I make some posting mistakes cut me some slack.
Also I have been on many support online groups and from what I understand the whole purpose of these forums is to give SUPPORT not attack the poster for mistakes or lack of understanding
I did make my post short
In my experience it seems people do not want to read big long posts from others .
So I tried to explain also tried not making it to long .
Does that make sense ?
All in all
We are supposed to encourage one another not judge another because the poster did not present her message in a certain way .
If people see this they get afraid to post and they may really needing support right now.
So please instead of judging that I acted shocked
Or complaining of the way I posted try being more understanding
Usually support is needed because a person does not know what to do in a situation .
Be kind to others
But that is no reason to verbally attack or judge so harshly.ex ( the do nothing sibling ) you wrote
This is a SUPPORT group
Seems to me we get enough beating up already
When we come here
Lay down your weapons and instead just try to understand even if you don't know all the facts.
Most likely coming from one person's side you never will know all the facts.
We don't have to know
We should just be there , support and let others know we get their pain.
Please anyone on this forum tell me how wrong I am about this.
I really doubt anyone could fight a person stating Support is the name of this game
Correct ?
People aren't mind readers.
Below are two phone messages. Which do you think makes sense and explains the problem?
1) I'm in trouble....click.
2) I'm in trouble because I was driving my car and the tire blew, I am at a gas station at 4th and Main, can you come pick me up, they have to order a tire.
See how that goes? You don't need to write a book, but unless you provide some information, it's impossible to understand the issue.