My Mom lives with my sister a mental case worker and she receives 2000 a mo. but does not cook feeds my mother fast food and wastes money. No cooking is involved,enless my mother does it. my mother pays for all expenses, and their is very little food in the house, my mother is 91 and cannot look after herself and does not want to go to a nursing home. she gets around well. her memory is excellent. and my mother stated today when I went to take her to the doctor for bronchitis that my sister was cutting back on food because she wants to go see her son and grandkids in Utah. between their two incomes it come to 5200 a month. is that income from my mother to my sister taxable? im at a loss for a lack of personal care that my sister gives my mother. ive brought this up but she now refuses to let me see my mother, or check on her well being.
vstefan's question if she had lost weight was excellent. I was wondering the same thing. Your mother is 91 and may have her own way of seeing things. Sometimes elders make things up or interpret them strangely. We have to sort through to find the truth. What did your sister have to say about the things your mother said?
1) It sates that your mother is in her right mind even that she 91 so this mean that your mother can speak up for her self right?
2) Does your sister have full power of attorney ?
3) Who made the choice were your mother was to live?
4)If your mother did wasn't it her own choice right or wrong?.
5)Your mother according what written can leave if she is not happy right?
6)When your mother talks to you what is your response back to your mother do you in anyway tell her it her choice to leave or stay. knowing she in her right mind?
7) Before your mother went to live with your sister did you ask your mother to come live with you if not then why?
8) Has it been declared that your mother need 24hrs care provided for her by a doctor?
9) As far as the eating is concern what does your mother want to eat? & how does this effect your mother(The reason I ask is that I'm a caretaker for my mother and she don't want much cook or fast food hard to get her to eat at all) & if your mother eating that a blessing.
10) I have found my mother speak wrong about me to my brother and it gets her attention more less and she does the same thing to me about him but I have refused to aloud this to go on and I call her out on it so she doesn't get away with doing this. It can cause envy between sibling over someone wanting to get attention. which can lead to what your going through with your mother.
11) Being a caretaker is a big job and it can be mentally draining and physically as well. I like to suggest that you not allow your mother to bring wrong things to you unless she willing to bring it out in front of your sister and I say your sister need to do the same thing and this will stop all of this confusion when she both of your mother and together it really takes all the help that a caretaker can get. And let the money thing go because seeing money as the most important will cause what really needs to be address to become neglected and that your mother and the best care that everyone could provide at this time. If there any jealousness which I'm picking up needs to go. Remember this whole season that you'll are in right now will not last and soon one day your mother will be gone and see what happen now isn't good so I like to encourage you to be the better person and make things better between you and your sister and let your mother know that if she not happy about something to express it to both and not just one side. choose to be a family and not divided do it in Love.
Then, if the facts are that Mom gets bad care, you call APS. If the facts are more like Mom gets OK care but maybe not just how you would really like to see it done, see if you can mend fences and be back in regular contact and support each other instead.
of the one who is.. This focus on inheritance instead of the parent's well being is becoming more commonplace.
Medicare will pay for a home nursing check-in once or twice a week and I would get this started so that your sister will know that now there are TWO agencies looking at the quality or her care of your mother.
Also, how is your sister getting access to your mother's money? I'm assuming it's some kind of Social Security and maybe a private pension? If so, Social Security checks MUST be directly deposited in a bank. Private pensions - depends on the pension. If your sister is getting access to bank funds she is either a co-owner of the account (has her name on the checks) or (God forbid) your mother's financial Power of Attorney (POA) - a legal procedure that requires your mother's signature, a notary's signature and stamp, and at a minimum, a copy has to be deposited at the bank so your sister can sign your mother's checks.
You need either DSS or the agency that is paying your sister to help you get her name OFF your mom's bank account. If both sources of money are going into a single bank account, one solution is easy: open a separate account for your mom's money with ONLY her name on it. Then keep all the blank checks so your sister doesn't write a check and then lie to your mother about what it's for and deceive her into signing it.
If your sister is actually your mother's financial POA, get a lawyer (big firms do this pro bono (free) and smaller firms don't charge as much as the bigger ones would. On the POA paperwork (which you should have received a copy or else a copy will be on file at the office of the laywer your sister used to prepare the papers) there will be a list of "powers" which are designated to the person acting as POA. One of them will be "All of the above". No matter how perfectly your sister may be performing her duties as a POA, there is bound to be one or two items in the list that she is not doing. Use that as a reason for removing her as POA.
And the worst case of all is if your sister has gone to court and been appointer as her Guardian of Person - which means she gets to make ALL decisions for your mother, including where she lives, who she uses as a doctor, all the way down to (almost) the smell of her soap. To get this changed will reauire you to petition the court who granted your sister Guardianship of Person and have him/her help you petition for a change - it's usually a good idea in interfamily disagreements to have a third party act as Guardian. Social Service agencies (like Lutheran Social Services, etc) do this as part of their regular work. Someone in the county Dept of Aging may have supported your sister's petition and if they did, expect some trouble from them. Occasionally these contests go to a trial!! And often, the petition for Guardian of Person also petitions for a Conservator of the Estate - a sort of super-POA who is responsible for preserving your mother's estate (which includes her monthly income). If it's primariily the money that concerns you (and at first, in my case it was), then at least petition for a Conservator. In our state (MN) these are all included in a single petition.
The thing to know about both the Guardian of Person and the Conservator of the Estate is these people CANNOT VIOLATE YOUR MOTHER'S CIVIL RIGHTS. This is very important, since of of the civil rights that they cannot interfere with without proving to the court that it is absolutely necessary (and that doesn't happen too often) is the right to see and/or be visited by ANYONE THEY WANT.
Oh, Lost in Hamilton, I SO wish I hadn't had to learn all this. My father (87 yrs old) is in a Veterans' Nursing Home and the offending sister IS a mental case (Borderline Personality and Narcissism). And I have just moved from MN to MD after an early retirement to help take care of my youngest sister who is within not many weeks of dying of cancer of the brain.
I'm sorry about the length of this post. I've tried to summarize everything I have had to go through (and sissy is still living in dad's house for only $200/month - which a watchful lawyer insisted on. It's actually an "escrow" account so that when property taxes are due, my dad will have the money to pay for it.It is a heartbreaking process, Lost. In my case I had to make a choice between my father and my sister - leaving my father at the mercy to Miss Mental. At least I made enough fuss with enough people so that her every move is being scrutinized AND she is only the Guardian NOT the Conservator. It still hurts.
I'm going to give you one of my personal e-mail addresses (I very rarely do this) because I want you to have a way to keep me posted. jbgrettathegreat@gmail.com
I'll pray for strength for you as you take the high road and at the same time fight for your mother's rights. Just because someone is old doesn't mean they have to be mistreated. "The love of money is the root of all evil."
When I first read the topic title, I read 'My mother lives with my sister, a mental case'...then I noticed the word 'worker' on there... I think the former would of been more correct.