Social worker called to inform me my mom is being discharged, after not involving me for days. She says she has to be discharged to my house. Any advice?

Tell her to get her supervisor involved. Hell, tell her to go ahead and get the President and the Pope involved if she has to, as long as the solution they come up with does NOT involve mom moving in with you. Sounds like she's trying to force your hand to avoid her doing more work.

Don’t give in. They will find some other place for her.

The last time she went there, she was discharged by hospital transportation and dropped off at my house.

Stick to your guns. Also you can call the ombudsman and state elder services as well and let them know mom wouldn’t be safe with you

Holy crap. Don't let you mom move into your home. Great job telling social worker no. They may lie and say you have to take her but you don't have to do anything.

Mom needs to be in a facility not your home or her own apartment. Mom wanted you out of it so mom has to figure it out with the social worker.

If the hospital says they'll provide "help" once she's home, DO NOT believe it -- they won't. My family's experience was the hospital called the Sheriff to drop off my stepFIL at his quad home after a minor fall because he "needed" to be discharged they couldn't wait for me to get off work (25 mile trip), get my kids from school and figure out solutions. Got yelled at/scolded by the Sheriff. Left me with a 6'5" man with Parkinsons at his home with stairs at night. Can't make this stuff up.

Do not allow them to drop her off at your home no matter what threat they make to you. The supervisor will get involved to find a place for her to land. If your mom has cognitive/memory impairment the county will probably move to acquire guardianship. Then they will control everything. I'm not sure there is any middle ground solutions here. Let us know how it goes. I wish you success in working with social services and the hospital.

Tajann, your mom has already proven that she is willing to lie about you and accuse you of physical assault.

Tell the social worker that she CAN NOT come to your home. She doesn't live there, she was just visiting while in transition and you ARE NOT able to provide her any care or assistance, PERIOD.

She is financially able to rent a furnished apartment and that's what she needs to do.

I know it is difficult to step back and say no but, if anyone believes her lies, your life will be a living hell and you could lose everything proving you didn't do whatever she decides to accuse you of.

If mom is competent, the MOM is able to say where she desires to reside (as long as it's NOT your home--because YOU decide who lives in your home).

Mom's resources pay for mom's housing and care; the SW can discuss with mom what that care looks like.

Get your locks changed today and arrange to be away from your home (vacation?). Call 911 if they drop mom and have her taken back to the hospital.

Good job with your responses to social worker. Do. Not. Back. Down. She is NOT to come to your house. It is unsafe.

Please keep us updated.

Stick to your guns. Its an unsafe discharge. That Mom has not allowed you to involved with her care and you are not starting now. If transport comes, refuse to take her. They will need to take her back. If they threaten you with sending her to your house by transport, tell them you will not allow her in. With her condition now, your house is unsafe. Keep repeating you will not care for her. You have no legal standing. There is no law that says a child has to care for a parent. Tell them its between them and Mom. Seems she is competent to care for herself because she has not wanted to see you. And the SW must think Moms competent because you haven't been called in days. Tell the SW you have been very upfront this whole time that you are not an option.

Is Mom still getting her apartment? Maybe she can be placed in an Assisted living till then?

SW probably figures all things considered, she is still your mom, and that you would probably set up any services she would need until a more permanent solution could be found (ie AL, her own apartment, etc).

If you lived in the area I am in, this would not have been a problem at all. Heck, here, Hospitals highly encourage discharged seniors to go to some type of assistance facility be it AL or NH

Practice looking vague and clueless whenever they talk about sending her to your house. "Huh? Why would you do that? She doesn't live there."

Sometimes selective deafness is a great tool. Use it as much as possible whenever they suggest something will happen that involves you. Just give them that "Who, me?" look and laugh.

You’ve already received wise advice to do whatever is necessary to not allow this, I’m only chiming in to say I’m genuinely sorry for the stress and emotional mess this causes you, it’s so very heartless of a social worker. I hope a better solution is found soon, and I wish you peace

Is there an update, Tajann? Was the discharge imminent? Has it happened?

Let her get her supervisor. You are allowed to dispute a discharge if there is no appropriate place for the person to go. Ask the patient advocates how to go about it. The dispute takes about three days and during that time they cannot discharge the patient

Update, please.

Why is the social worker doing this? Do not take your mom into your home.

Who has poa?

It’s ur mom she looked out for u u can look out for her. If she really can’t stay take time off from work FMLA to make sure she’s comfortable. Wow. That conversation with u and the SW wasn’t cool. It’s ur mom not there’s. They could have spoken with u early on do u can prep.

Social workers and discharge planners pull crap like this ALL THE TIME!
I had an aunt who would tell the hospital DP that "My niece and granddaughter will be moving in and staying with me, so send me home now!"

And they would not even bother calling us and would act all shocked whenever we told them in person that she was LYING and that we were NOT available to be with her for more than a couple of hours during the day and not at all at night.

Then they would try to coerce and bully us. They didn't even want to do their job of finding a rehab center to take her. It is infuriating and I read so many stories like this here.

Sounds like the social worker is taking the easy way out. Send mom to you and social worker is off the hook for additional placement. Go above the social worker and speak to that supervisor she's been threatening to involve. That's what you want, someone more knowledgeable for placement somewhere else besides your house! Good luck.

Social workers pull this all the time. When my mom was in rehab after shoulder replacement surgery, we were told she couldn't be alone once released. I let the know repeatedly that I lived in Alabama and my brother lived in Virginia. Mom lives in Florida. They said she would be there 2.5 weeks. I asked them to keep her 3 weeks so that my brother had time to make arrangements and get there. Then he and his wife and me and my fiance would take turns or figure out how to handle her not being alone while recovering. I get a call from my mom on Friday that they are releasing her Tuesday!!! At 2.5 weeks!!! My brother couldn't get off work to get down there and so my fiancé and I had to get in the car and drive 8.5 hours on Monday, pick her up on Tuesday, and bring her home with us on Wednesday because we had to work on Thursday. The social worker would do nothing to help us out even though we made it crystal clear from the beginning that we all worked and would need a little extra time to figure out the arrangements. We were all livid!

I had this happen, too. My Dad was discharged and the rehab facility had a home care company come out to evaluate him. They evaluated him at his home after the weekend (I stayed with him) and then they refused to “open the case”. When I called the social worker and explained what had happened I was basically threatened and told that I had to stay with my Dad, that he couldn’t be left alone, and that senior protective services would be called if he were left by himself. I was scrambling to get home aides to help care for him and ended up living with my Dad for over a month. During this time I was also trying to get my Dad into a (2nd) assisted living facility. It was an extremely stressful time. I suggest have a safe situation set up before discharge.
My Dad passed on July 3rd, while in rehab facility. They never called to tell me he passed and I found out when I arrived for my daily visit. The entire experience was an eye opener. Our loved ones/elders deserve so much better. Best of luck to you and your family.

Supervisor gets involved and I would expect her to find appropriate placement for mom. She cannot force for you to take her

If Rehab benefits have expired, staying longer at the Rehab facility will be private pay.

I'll exercise tremendous restraint and NOT go terribly off on social workers right now, as that's mainly about me, and I don't want to do that (at least now...). I'm assuming that the discharge you're referring to is from a hospital. In my neck of the woods, there have been stories in the local media for the last few months on the tremendous problems in hospitals now because they have no place(s) to discharge the elderly to even when the hospital has done what they are in charge of, and so they remain there, taking up beds they need for other patients. It's probably that the social worker is a hospital employee --all hospitals have staff social workers. So, this may be one of those "above my pay grade" situations, i.e. the SW is getting pressure from way up high in hospitals to get these patients who are "finished" with surgery out of there asap to free up the beds. Her supervisor may not even be able to help you would be my guess, and you may end up having to argue/deal with hospital "honchos" and I think they know how to play hardball, as according to an article I read yesterday a lot of hospitals (with pandemic, etc.) claim they've lost $$millions. Not sure if this is much help, but good luck.

If she hasn’t already been discharged, I agree, stick to your guns and continue to be clear that she can’t be discharged to your home because it is UNSAFE for her. You don’t need to give details just be clear that there is no way to make it safe and since you don’t have POA or any other authority you can’t make any decisions or investigate options. That is indeed the discharge coordinators job and it is t an easy one. I don’t think they are all lazy and don’t care, I think they are often presented with a very different set of facts and make assumptions. The hospitals are short on help and overcrowded as a result so moving people out as soon as the doctors say they can be is important. This social worker was handed a woman who is ready to go home and may or may not need x,x and x. This patient and maybe even her POA (?) said she will go home to your house, that’s where she came from so why would the coordinator question this. You were likely clear with other people that she won’t be safe at your house but had you said that to this particular person? Your mother may or may not believe she is a capable as she was prior to the incident that took her to the hospital, maybe she even heard someone say she should get back to that point and she’s going with that, either way the clearer you are about the reason being her safety the better it should be accepted by both Mom and hospital. Her safety and appropriate care is the hospitals responsibility until they hand it over to someone else, that can be the patient if capable, the family or a facility. They are not in the business of forcing people into facilities and a good portion, maybe the majority, of this coordinators patient's do go home to finish recuperating so it isn’t second nature to dive deep into a seemingly competent patient's plan to do so. This doesn’t mean they won’t push hard and bend over backwards to make that plan happen once faced with an obstacle (in this case you) but as long as you don’t give in they can’t force you into it. I don’t know how hospitals get away with or go as far as putting people into transport and dropping them on a family members door but based on my experience, not in many different states or with many diffrent hospitals, I have to believe that the patient deemed responsible for themselves is the issue and has agreed to or even encouraged the discharge. A competent patient can sign themselves out, arrange to get “home” however they want and there is no reason to question their “residence” if that’s where they came from. Now that you have informed them that the plan doesn’t work and are not backing down r reconsidering once given certain help commitments it’s on record so they can’t really transfer responsibility to you if that what this coordinated was expecting and her “approved plan” isn’t going to work so her supervisor may be the next step, something she didn’t want to do because now it’s obvious she didn’t have all her i’s dotted and t’s crossed.

Your doing everything you need to so far just keep making sure everyone knows the deal and why, it isn't safe for her (you are only thinking of her well being). Then you have to find a way to stick to your guns, which won’t be easy, if she shows up at your door either on her own or with your brother (I think I remember he is her POA?). Sending you strength.

Here's my suggestion. Don't back down for any reason. It is the social worker's job to find your mother a safe place to be discharged to. It is her job to find somewhere safe for your mother to go to until her apartment is ready. That's social work. Not family member work. The social worker is who gets paid to do the social work not you. Tell her to talk to whoever is your mother's POA (if she has one) while she's getting her supervisor involved. Let her get every supervisor involved so long as she doesn't try to scam you into taking your mother to your house.
That social worker is totally scamming you too. She doesn't want to do her job and use hospital resources to find your mother a temporary place to go that will be safe for her. So she will try to shake you down to take her to your house regardless of your house not being safe for her.
Don't back down. Make the soical worker earn her pay and do her job.

OP posted this September 27th. More than likely big momma was brought to her house already and she cant update because she is now in the 7th circle of hell.

It’s your job to work with a social worker on that. She is not the social workers’ family. If you don’t want her in your own home, at least set her up in a place where she can live. No judgment here, just take care of business dear - she’s your family.