My spouse accepts the junk mail we receive as truthful. What do we do?

Rainmom, your story is identical to mine. It all started with The Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. You are then put on a sucker list, a mailing list, sold to other mailing lists, and the letters and sweepstakes and charities and begging letters come flooding in. I would smuggle at least 20 or 30 out at every visit. Oh, it was a nightmare. Hundreds of dollars a month were spent, and (then the scam artists started calling. Three times, five times, ten times a day. $400 lost there.) And there is NO REASONING WITH THEM. Their brains are deteriorating and there is no reasoning with them. I found boxes and boxes of letters all over the house! It was a nightmare.

Lassie - tell me about it! When my mom would start to complain about the phone calls I would try to explain to her how it connected with her writting all those charity checks - didn't work. Don't even get me started on what came next - trying to show her how caller ID worked on her phone. I swear I almost had an aneurism over that one.

As a retired Postal Worker we had the same problem with my mother when she lived alone 200 miles away. She would receive, this is no exaggeration, over a foot of mail every day. Organizations wanting money, fortune tellers, every money grubbing leach you could imagine and maybe 5 pieces of 1st class mail. Bulk mail or 3rd class mail and 2nd class mail will not be returned so don't bother wasting your time. You have a few options. There is a postal form you can fill out to have bulk mail stopped, but this does not always work. If there is a way around it these organizations will find it. However if you order something from any of them they do sell you name & address to others. 2nd option is to get a P O Box. Only 1st and 2nd class mail is forwarded. There again if you order something your bulk mail will begin piling up in your box. 3rd option, most drastic option, is to move. Same option as P O Box, same result. 4th options is to have their mail, if you are POA, forwarded to your residence. That way you can take their 1st class mail to them, personally. Depending on their independence, that may or not work or just tick them off, your decision. We move mom in with us and all but 1st class mail stopped. She was shelling out over $7,000 a year and dipping into her stocks and bonds to pay her bills. I put an end to that quickly when I found out. Good luck everyone.

Cpegaso - thank you so much for the detailed information. You are so right though, about them finding a way. When I changed my moms address to my own when she first went into a NH for a blissful week or two there was none of these requests. Then to my utter amazement they started to trickle in - and not with a yellow forwarding sticker but with my moms name with my address nicely printed on the envelope. I have no idea how they found it/her but they did and in less than a month I was getting the dozen- plus daily requests! So yes, they are very resourceful! We are now at close to nine months without sending a check and I actually think I'm seeing a decline in the amount. But like everything in life - some days are better than others!

this is so very sad! Why do they do this? My Dad gets the emails all the time and he falls for all the scams. He has sent money orders to these people before. Unfortunately there is no way to stop any of this. My Mom could take away the computer but then what would he do? We have tried to block them from him but he always finds a way to get more. Then they started calling the house and his cell phone. My mom got a new cell phone number for him but now my Dad has given them his new phone number.

Go to every website you can find to sign up to stop the junk mail going to her address. It helps some.
Also sign up for the "do not call" list; another place they like to target seniors is on the phone. I used the "stop junk mail" myself and it has helped.
Also, complain to the companies sending the stuff. I complained to some of her 27 magazine subscriptions (!) sending those "renew today" mailers and she would pay every one of them she got. Some subscriptions were five years paid out,others three years, and so on. When I explained her mental issues, they agreed to stop sending them to her by mail, but allowed that the magazines sometimes contain them and they aren't able to single those out.
For her subscriptions, I also got her account numbers and set myself up as the account holder through email; that allows me to see the accounts and what's going on and I can stop anything suspicious being paid by a check and stop any "book club" sign ups.

What would really be helpful is a federal statute addressing predatory tactics, and providing that all solicitors (including the alleged charities) provide large print opt-out information in their 6 page solicitations probably written by Beltway Bandits for thousands of dollars.

Failure of the solicitor to abide after 2 notices from the recipient of the unwanted mail would result in penalties imposed by perhaps the Consumer Protection Agency. Those penalties would be allocated for MOW grants, Area Agencies on Aging, and other elder supported legitimate activities.

But try getting a legislator to even consider something like that - all the so-called charities as well scammers would descend on D.C. like a plague of locusts, spend millions of dollars lobbying, and nothing would result except more funds in legislator's coffers.

The Post Office might even join in, as it gains revenue from all the junk mail.

I'm wondering if your loved one really ever reads all those books or magazines. If the person reads them, I can see maybe one subscription of books and one subscription of magazines, (no more than two subscriptions).

Sometimes you can even find free outdated magazines in public lobbies, (just look for the dates on the old magazines). You don't want to take any current ones, just the old ones. If you feel you should ask, do so and mention the date on the magazine you wish to take. It may very well turn out they won't mind if it's expired. The old magazines always vanish at some point anyway, and you never know how many of them probably end up in the trash. Another place you can get old magazines is from friends and family. You can actually take pictures from old magazines and make collages.

Libraries can lend out books free of charge. You can also watch for library book sales. At some point toward the end of a book sale, the library may start selling books by the bag, or even by bulk as much as you can carry (for one low price). when you attend these books sales, take as big of a tote as absolutely possible such as huge pieces of luggage, and other very large bags and boxes. You don't want to carry a cardboard box because the bottom can easily fall out. Instead, take a huge plastic bin if you want that many books. If the rules are that you must be able to actually carry the bulk, take as strong of a person as possible with you, (the stronger the better, the more the merrier).

Sometimes public places such as a coffeehouse may have a sitting area, and some of those sitting areas may have tables with books where are you can take one and leave one. Yes, you can trade off books for new ones in some places. Just go through all of the books and donate what do you know longer read, and just swap one for another. Booklovers really appreciate book swaps because it saves money on buying a brand-new expensive book and gives them a chance to read something other than what they had before.

Knowing all of this is why your loved one need not subscribe to anything. If you go for guardianship and take over everything for them (including finances), they'll can't squander money.

I used to get those mailings you mentioned years ago but just a few pieces of mail. I never fell for any of the scams and I'm glad I didn't really have much money anyway. Sometimes being poor has perks when all you have is enough to pay bills and buy groceries. What's leftover must carry you through the rest of the month. Not having much money means you don't fall for any of those scams because you just "don't have it".

If you ever find yourself in a situation where you're always giving or lending out money, this can drain you financially if you're not careful. When you lend money, it's been said that you may just as well consider it a gift because you may never see it again if it's just a loan. In the event of large amounts being owed to you, you can go to small claims court if it's under a certain amount, but you would probably need a different type of court for bigger amounts depending on your situation. If you're situation turns out you really need that money back, the judge can order it, and not following a court order can land someone in big trouble for noncompliance of a court order. In the event you have guardianship though, you really don't want to give or lend money you may need for the ward's care and basic necessities. Planning ahead for final disposition is also a smart move because this can be done through preneed planning. When there are enough plans for the money, there's no room to squander.

Ohhh--this is my mother to a T. I was cleaning for her and found she had boxes and boxes of Publisher's Clearing House envelopes-with ALL the inserts still. She insisted that she keep all the paperwork, because if she "won" she'd need it. This is a battle I lost. I bought plastic bins, filled them with this garbage and labeled it "VERY IMPORTANT PAPERS" with PCH written on them Every so often, my brother burns these papers or recycles them. 20 years worth of crap...she told me this was my "inheritance".....I know ONE woman who recently won $10 in the PCH. This is in my entire life!

Mom is otherwise fairly savvy about giving away money, but she will buy things for people with a sob story, and gave thousands of dollars to my eldest brother and youngest sister.

She still gets a ton of junk mail and despite my telling her how very, very little goes to the actual cause, she will give to any and all charities. Not to the point of becoming destitute herself, but waaay too much. At this point there is nothing we can do as she pays her own bills and such, and balances her checkbook--but the time is coming when we'll have to step in.

She also buys something almost everyday--mostly clothes from catalogs. Waiting for those to come is her main source of entertainment. As long as she's competent, there is nothing we can do to stop her.

Ah yes, the magazines renewal notices. We have another year to go with People, Time and the National Geographic! At least NG and Time are fairly worthwhile reads and I confess I do like People when I have the time. I take them to mom - she doesn't read them so eventually they come back to my house or end up in the NH common areas. The thing my mom kept falling for was the insert inside of People. In large letters " 4 free issues" in tiny letters "with paid subscription". She'd mail the card in to get her "free" magazines, the bill would come and she pay it over and over. People is winding down after a three year run for mom. (Sigh)

I had an aunt who was a paranoid recluse. She lived in awful conditions. She kept all her possessions in large metal garbage cans - when she passed there were well over 35 of them, thats where I stopped counting. Anyhow - many were filled with brand new, still in the plastic, cloths from Eddie Bauer - none in her size and mainly sweatpants and henleys. I kid you not, there were hundreds and hundreds of pieces. After my family members each selected a life time supply we made several shelters very happy! The only thing we can figure is that calling the 1-800 ordering line and then recieving the stuff in the mail was her main link to the outside world.

I have had some success stopping junk mail by actually opening it and using the return envelope provided to request that they remove mom's name from their mailing list as she has died, or moved, or whatever. Sometimes you have to provide your own stamp but it is a small price to pay.

Midkid wrote; " Waiting for those to come is her main source of entertainment."

I think therein lies one of the factors contributing to the home shopping/home ordering/ home charitable donation phenomena/addiction. If they can no longer go out to go shopping at whim, they bring the shopping to them.

There's an economic theory addressing the emotional satisfaction gained from shopping. It was one of the first I learned in MacroEconomics, but now long forgotten except as to the observations.

People get some kind of self satisfaction from buying things. Perhaps it makes them feel better, feel richer, feel more alive.... I don't know. But I think it's one of the factors in older people buying stuff from catalogues.

FF succinctly described it sometime ago: "every day is like Christmas."

Ha ha ha about the metal garbage cans Rainmom, my uncle used the same strategy. His place was over run with mice/rats so he figured it kept his clothes and more valuable stuff safe from them. Most of what he considered "valuables" went straight to the dumpster!

Yep, cwillie - exactly! The metal garbage cans was the only way to keep the critters away! And thank God! The only thing worse than dealing with all her Eddie Bauer treasures would have been if they were ruined by rodents.

Just finished talking to my Mom on the phone about all the charity gifts. She looks at each one, and is easily convinced that it's a great cause, and only $5/$10/$15/$25.00, and she can afford it. The political scam mail is the worst. She has come to believe that if she receives these requests, she should "help out".

I have online access to her checking account (as a co-signer), and put an alert for any check over a certain amount; so she can't add too many zeros... I can monitor the checks coming in, and so far there haven't been any huge donations, but the fact is, that she doesn't remember writing these checks after they've gone out the door.

I had plans to get her doctor to refer her to a neurologist, as she had a home health nurse coming by after surgery, and the nurse noticed her repetitions and trouble managing her meds, but someone dropped the ball, and Mom is so good at putting on her "company manners"... until she gets home. Then she can't remember what happened at the doctor's office.

This is how I cut down on junk mail. If a postage paid envelope is included in the junk mail I put all the paperwork in the envelope with my address circled asking to take my name off their mailing list. If an PP envelope is not included, I go on-line and contact the company asking to be taken off their mailing list. I list the address and any other addresses thast vary. Such as, one may say Jo Ann Miller, another J A Miller ect. Another way to curb junk mail is not to order magazines. Not to enter contests u see in the mail. I've done this for me and my Mom and I have cut down on our junk mail.

I loved the Business Reply Envelopes that came with some of the junk mail as well. The organization pays by the ounce to get these back, so I would stuff them with as much as they would hold, tape them closed and send them on their merry way. These organizations I never heard from again. All of the 3rd class mailers have to have an endorsement, which they pay to get back, for any undeliverable mail. That is one way they can get changed address's. Eventually they will stop. Foreign correspondence are another matter. No forwarding there. Most dementia patients think a lot of this is bills and pay them accordingly, like my mother did. She would get some every month from the same organization, political and charities. Careful, some of the charities are not sanctioned and are not, for that reason, deductible from taxes. There are a lot out there.

Here is an 'opt out ' for catalogs. Perhaps this will help

catalogchoicedotorg catalogs

My dad died 16 years ago and my mom 5 years ago. I wrote letters to all incoming correspondence stating they had passed away. It stopped it for awhile, but every now and then I'll still get something for one of them. A new application for a credit card or request to join some book club. So now I call and raise h3ll. That has worked too. There is also the Attorney General's no call list. My mom was near deaf and had a habit of just nodding, "yes, yes, yes." One time she ordered 40 magazines over the phone. Car and Driver, Golf Digest, Computer Times, Cat Fancy, Bird World, all kinds of stuff. omg....I can laugh now, but because I had put her phone number on the attorney general no-call list, they got that stopped right away.

You won't. I was able to recoop my mother's money. And I changed her address at the USPS to my address. I have seen a considerable decrease in junk mail to her. She's still convinced that when her winnings come through she is going to buy another car. No matter how many times I would explain no money and definitely no car, she still thinks and says it out loud. Give it to the Lord. P.S. She also has no license so she thinks her state issued ID is a driver's license. God bless her.

Oh yes Oprah Magazine tells us we have $46.00 of credit since I cancelled my mother's subscription. I keep telling me them to send it to us as she nor I have time to sit and read a magazine. I love Oprah, but can we please have our money?

You send me a nickel or dollar and I should make a donation. Hey why don't you keep the nickel or dollar? They add up.

geewiz, thanks for the opt-out catalogs website. I made an account. Now I need to save the catalogs and donation envelopes as the website needs what address the company is using :)

If only I got as many gardening catalogues as I do the miscellaneous ones with all sorts of stuff I don't need....I'd be a happy recipient of catalogues if they were gardening ones.

Magazines sell your name thats why I no longer subscribe. Hardley get any catalogs and if I don't order eventually they stop. Cleaning out MILs house we found all those little gifts she got sent from places she ordered from. One thing about changing addresses is the Post Office doesn't send on 3rd class mail.

I programmed my husband's cell phone so that the only time he hears it ring is when his children, my children or me call him. All other incoming calls are on silent ring tone. He keeps his phone in a holster on his belt. The only way he knows he has received a phone call from anyone else is that the phone lights up . Since it is in the holster, the call goes unnoticed. Only these family members have his number.

It's called beat the spouse to the mailbox and pick up the mail before they do. Doing so gives you a good start on controlling the junk mail coming into the home because you can have a different trash band just for junk mail. Another idea is to get a PO Box and redirect your mail. You can collect mail at the post office, and dump the junk mail there because they have trash bins out for those with PO boxes

About 3 years ago I found out accidentally while my m\other was getting hip surgery that she was cashing checks that were being sent to her in addition to running up her credit card balance by withdrawing monies at the bank and sending it wherever to -- whomever. She was also using the Money Card you can get from Wal-Mart or Radio Shack, but you can't get a refund for the card, you have to contact Money Card directly. Nonetheless, I took action, I was able to retrieve $3,000 back from the Money Card, and refinance her credit card. She still gets bogus mail, but not at all like before because she is no longer cashing checks and her mail comes to my address directly so I an see what is coming in. The other day someone sent her a check for $6,000. She wants me to take it to the bank, cash it, and "all I need is $5.00" she wrote on a piece of paper. So to respond to your question: It never stops and they will keep believing so we have to be their protectors. I was thinking about letting her take it to the bank so the tellers there can tell her it's not real. May still do that just so they can see what I'm going through.

I could write. a. book. A BOOK. Scammers, of them. Mom was getting a foot tall pile of mail a week. Save the donkeys, save the elephants, save the dolphins. Give give give. YOU maybe a WINNER. Sweepstakes by the dozens. She was writing $400 a month as 'entry fees'. It all began with Ed McMahon Publishers Clearinghouse, may he roast in h3ell. That puts you on a sucker list. It goes on and on and on and on, and it WILL NOT STOP. You have to have the mail re-directed to you, not them. They will spend their last penny on a chance of winning $48 million dollars, and they will bring a check when they go meet that nice man at the drugstore. To buy some gift cards off the rack up front - Visa, Discover, Amazon, whatever the nice man thinks is best.