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Thanks, Veronica. Your comments are very timely. I was out and about today as finally my car is back on the road - reliably, I hope. I will write more tomorrow.
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Emjo: It sounds like your sister not only has some mental issues but she is a person with no boundaries and is pulling a power play. I have the same issues with my older sister....my sister is so bad that if I say something is white, she will say it is black just to be difficult!

I think you need to jump on your attorney swiftly sending a letter to your sister informing her that she has no legal leg to stand on, that you are the Power of Attorney and are the sole person in charge of making these decisions for your Mom and I would also tell her that any further interference on her part could result in her losing her ability to see your Mom, due to her health lapse after she left the last time. He will know how to word everything for you, but jump on it and do it fast. If they have guardianship and your lawyer can handle it quickly for your without a great expense then I would seek it, there is nothing your sister could do if you have guardianship.

I would gladly work with my sister but she seems to relish in making everything in life more difficult and she is just plain old mad that I have DPOA and not her... I feel for you because I am in the same place!

God Bless You!
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HI Veronica - this is a little later than the next day. It has taken me this long to get over my “mad’ at the psych nurse. Professionals could learn a lot if they listened to the right people. There was nothing normal about mother’s upset and anger. I heard about the other side of the phone call, and it was her financial advisor, being helpful, but mother took it as an attack and responded accordingly, threatening to end their friendship if he didn’t agree with her. The only benefit of mother being declared incompetent is that I can make the decision to keep her where she is now, rather than having her move. Everything I hear points to her present ALF as being the best place for her, and the one she has chosen to move to as not as good. Part of me wants to say –go ahead and move where you want to, but I can’t, as I don’t think it is a good move for her. She would have to get a lot worse before she would be placed in a mental health facility. Her case manager has mentioned that that is the next step if she continues to decline. I think she would have to be a danger to herself or to others for that to happen – a physical danger that is. Once in there, they might be able to insist on medication.
Thank you for seeing that my only concern is for her welfare. If only she could see that –even once in a while. Yes, it has clouded my whole life and is a sacrifice. Truthfully, I think if I hadn’t cared she would have found someone else – not to care for her, but to do the things she needed to be done, Does she even know I care – it is hard to say. I would say yes, or she would not have moved to be near me, I think on some level her life has been positively impacted by me, but I do not receive that feedback from her. Right now things are quiet and I am thankful.
As I age, I have to consider my needs more and more. It is a matter of survival and quality of life. I did a longevity test mentioned elsewhere on this site and I scored 102. I would rather the years ahead be as good quality as I can make them, and for that to happen I have to manage stress in my life. My father used to use the phrase “Don’t try to teach your grandmother how to suck eggs.” That took me back a bit. He died over 30 years ago. The upside of mother being declared competent is that she can appoint another person for EPA and PD. I am going to contact her lawyer about that and see if it means I could be released easier. I think and have thought for some time that a professional, non- family member would be the best person –and someone who gets paid for their work. I know the feeling of needing to be cared for too – sometimes I wish others would see it more often.
Thanks again and have Merry Christmas!
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HI Holy Cow – yes, sis has issues, not great boundaries and pulls power plays. Yours sounds pretty bad. I see that you understand. As mother is assessed competent again, there is nothing the lawyer can do, nor could sis’s access to mother be limited,other than by mother. I don’t have guardianship. Things are a little different here in Canada. I don’t even have the authority to decide on where mother lives or what her medical treatment is as long as she is assessed as competent. That doesn’t stop mother from making demands on me, but what’s new. I think there is jealousy with my sister too, but she would not want the work of having EPA –just the power. Both mother and sis have some form of personality disorder, I believe. It runs on the family. Lots of fun and games!

Have a great Christmas!
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Do you think there's any way your mother would be willing to appoint and pay for a professional person to manage her care? Would she just appoint your sister instead? In my family too having an objective professional managing things would make such a difference but I have no idea how to ever get that to happen. My mother only wants people she's got emotional leverage on.
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Bingo, Bermuda. To me that is the answer, but my mother, like yours, wants some one with whom she has emotional leverage. I have no idea if she would just fall back on my sister, who is my back up on the documents anyway. I think when you are dealing with a lifetime of mental illness, the job is better given to non family. Too many games keep getting played which are destructive - to me anyway. But how to bring that about I have no idea. If I am successful in dropping it she might, but she would never agree to as long as I have the position. If I suggested it, she would run a mile in the opposite direction on principle. lol I have found that being unavailable has brought about some changes that I didn't think were possible, so it may be the answer.
I learned that from a community group I headed. The time came for the annual meeting and I had been the president and wanted out, but no one else wanted in. A wise man drew me aside and said as long as I filled the gap no one would step forward, but if I stepped out, and left a void, someone would fill it, and someone did and it all worked out fine. I have never forgotten that. Hmmmmm!
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