Let me start with I am 15 years old. For the past 7 months I have been taking care of my recently disabled mother. In July my mom got diagnosed with a rare auto immune disorder that rendered her arms and legs (practically) completely useless. I couldn't leave her home alone and had to drop out of school to take care of her, she's a diabetic with a very bad pressure ulcer and I kept coming home to the house trashed from her trying to make herself food and falling so it was clear I needed to be home more. The doctors have her on a ton of steroids and a recovery time of at least 2 years and a full recovery is not promised I started online classes but we couldn't pay for it once she was forced to leave her job and we're currently waiting on her disability check. Anyway, I'm now in night school and my online credits couldn't be transferred so I now have to take summer school as well. I'm so physically and emotionally exhausted, I now drive her everywhere, I do all grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, all important calls to doctors and lawyers, I even have to cut up her meat for her.
Everyone tells me that I'm so brave and such a good person but I don't want to be anymore!! My mom refuses to get a home health nurse, it makes her feel uncomfortable, and also doesn't want to go to assisted living though it has been offered to her on several occasions. We have no family here, so I'm doing this myself, I have no friends, no one to talk to about any of this. She also takes her anger out on me, she's shoved me, rammed her walker into my legs, yells at me all the time about all the things I do wrong. I just don't want to do this anymore. We plan to move closer to family later this year, her health permitting but I know its still going to fall on me. I feel like im honestly taking care of a toddler, when she's angry she throws her drinks and screams and cries and I know it's mostly because she's angry at her illness and not me but I can't take it.
I'm also scared for my future, I want to go to the university of Miami, its my dream school, but this summer school is really going to set me back and I'm scared that my mom won't be better in time for me to go to college. She's even asked me to consider online classes during college so I can stay home and take care of her. I'm scared that this is all my life will ever be, taking care of my mother until she dies. I get these sick thoughts that I wish she would die just so I wouldn't deal with this pressure and her tantrums and I would actually have a life again. I WOULD NEVER HURT HER OR GIVE HER SECOND RATE CARE THOUGH. Just saying. I cry almost every night and I just want to scream at her that I'm trying my best but I'm just 15. I only have my license because she's disabled, I'm not old enough to get a job. I feel like I'm 30 years old with a baby, I have to feed her, dress her, help her go to the bathroom. I do everything and it all happened so quickly my head is spinning. Its not even like I can take a break, I have no friends to unwind with and no one to leave my mom with.
There isn't much on the internet for kids like me taking care of sick parents so I figured I'd post here for advice and help and for someone to just tell me it's going to be okay i guess. And please don't suggest I talk to her about it, I've tried and she ended up guilt tripping me on how much worse she has it. Thank you for listening to my rant and I appreciate any words of wisdom you could give me.
I'm crossing my fingers, because this is only a rough idea, but if it wasn't more than an academic year ago, say, why not call your school and ask to speak to the Guidance Counsellor or whatever kind of welfare officer they have? The thing is, from reading your description of the conversation you had with CPS, it sounds to me like what you need is an advocate. You are ***entitled*** to help and support; and while it is true that there are other children out there who are in more immediate danger than you, it is not good enough for child protection professionals just to give you the brush off. You should be going back to that school, with support for your own home life and your mother's wellbeing in place. That's the aim.
I also like the idea of contacting your aunt and asking directly for help. When a young person manages as well as you already have done, sometimes people don't see how bad things are getting and it takes a disaster to make anything change. Well, don't wait for that. Be clear about what you want and be clear in your own mind about this: you are too young to have responsibility for your mother foisted on you. That's not an option.
Does she have a clue what to do or how bad this whole situation has become without a car?
How much food is in the kitchen?
When is the next utility bill due?
When is rent due again?
How is she going to get to her next doctor's appointment?
How is she going to get much less pay for her medicine?
How long until your smart phone needs to be paid on again?
I think you need to make a list of all the house hold expenses that are due, past due or coming up that cannot be paid because the money was gambled away at the casino and that there will not be anymore coming in since you cannot get to Walmart, read it to your mother and depending on how she reacts leave to a friends house and talk with CPS again. This is all your mother's fault and not your fault, but somehow you must get out of there.
None of this is your fault
That puts us back to "Tell your aunt."
There is no perfect solution here and the most hopeful solutions are going to be the hardest to make. You are being asked to make decisions that are totally inappropriate for a teenager, that sucks. You will be in my prayers.
Shelby, make the calls today.
Thinking of you today.
The only thing I can think of other than CPS getting involved is for your aunt to start paying bills directly and not giving Mom the gambling money, and/or getting her to come to Illinois and see the situation firsthand....praying there is a light at the end of this tunnel for you all...
Your mom is going to have to help herself. You cannot do that. It is physically impossible.
You are in the middle of a deep freeze in IL. and I know what area, you are in since you are mentioning St. Louis and casinos and it is very probable that you are in a very small town. Take care of yourself, first. It doesn't matter how angry your mother gets. You need a normal life.
Here's a thought. Call DCFS anonymously and see if they have any advice. I will keep thinking about this and get back to you.
I would definitely talk to your principal or a trusted teacher and tell them what is going on, all of it. It's not ratting out your Mom, when she is doing better she will be grateful that you got help. Right now her thinking is off. Also if social services does get involved they are going to do all they can to keep your family intact.
This sucks and you don't deserve such a rotten deal but it can get better. I pray you reach out. Your Mom will hate it at first and she might say awful things but that won't last. Deep down she loves you and wants what is best for you she just needs help before she can do the things she needs to.
I am still curious where you are when you take your Mom to the casinos. Are you on the casino floor with her? Or do you have to wait elsewhere?