Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Thanks, Garden, for the suggestion about the Brazilian groups, and I certainly will pass along the information.

Oh yes, Countrymouse, there have been two email requests to my husband and me and at least one to other friends whom we happen to know well.

From where I'm sitting, the poor (as in destitute) old mother should have been installed at the nursing home in Brazil because of her Alzheimer's. The daughters regularly flew to Brazil to visit, which would have been cheaper - and safer for all concerned - than bringing her to the US where they have no resources to support her.

Both daughters work - my friend makes more than her sister - but not enough money to pay for a nursing home or to pay for daily in-home help. And my friend has some serious health issues herself. I don't know what she was thinking when she reversed course.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Just to clear up the confusion;
You can be an American citizen and be a legal permanent resident in another country also. That does NOT make you a citizen OF that country. It means you have the legal right to live there permanently. (I am an American citizen but I have a "green card" (a permanent legal resident of Mexico). I could take the test for citizenship and, if I passed, I would then have dual citizenship.

The mother with Alzheimer's can go back to Brazil and live there again, since she is a legal permanent resident (it doesn't expire). Usually, you have to live in a country for 5 consecutive years to qualify for LPR status. It sounds like it may be the only other choice she has if her children can't afford her care and the U.S. government won't pay.

It's not your problem anymore. Don't get sucked in.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Do not understand why any of the family mentioned would need any money, or any help.
Owning two homes, o n e in each country, flying back and forth to visit, selling the one condo, having another home to sell. (That would make about $400 k in assets to get them out of trouble with the IRS? Then occuring the normal processes of aging, her husband dying (sad), does not make an urgent pitiful case to beg for money on a gofundme site, imo.
NYDil, My heart goes out to you as you are being conned by a friend. Friend does not need your help, and will not be taking your advice in the future. Detach from them all, doing it with love. I just hate that you have been used. Do you think you have?
Sorry if I missed some things in the middle, reading the first and the last only.

Hoping you are ok, with your good heart for others.

Alzheimers is a terrible disease, not amenable to being funded, as there is no cure.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

My question is...what happened to the money from the sale of their property? Did they have time to probate Dads estate? They had to know that they wouldn't get any help in the USA. Go funds...I think they should be illegal. One woman found someone set one up in her child's name that she Didn't authorize. She asked it to be shut down.

My neighbor needs a liver transplant. How did I find this out...on FB. Someone else started a go fund. This woman has a State pension and SS. Her husband a good pension, SS and was called back to work at 68. This means he can earn as much as he wants and no SS penalty. His employer provides the supplimental. They own their house and one at the shore.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I think if someone e-mailed me with a request to contribute to a GoFundMe collection, I would feel very uncomfortable, but also somewhat "used", especially if the family had assets to consider self funding.

I credit you for your compassion. You have a very kind soul.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I do hear what you all are saying. And thank you, Sendhelp, for the concern. I do feel used. She asked me for advice and I gave her the best advice I could. My husband agreed with the advice. Now that she's gone against all good advice, I am floored that she and her sister are begging for money when there's money already, and more to come once their father's will (if he had one) is sorted. I am washing my hands of it. She got herself into this mess and can get herself out of it. I now see that I cannot help her in the way she wanted.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

NYDIL, thanks for the update. I think you made the right decision.

When someone asks for but ignores advice, then asks for monetary help, that puts a real strain on friendship. But it also is an indication that "once ignored", perhaps ignored in the future.

You would have no control over how any donated funds are spent. And if she and her sister aren't wisely marshalling the available assets, the request for donations could be an ongoing thing, in perpetuity.

I hope you feel justified and relieved by your decision.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Yep, just tell her she asked for advice, you gave advice and she chose to do it her way.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter