My 79 year old father, who struggles with severe acoholism, depression and possibly early onset dementia, is the sole caregiver for our 68 year old mother. She had an ischemic stroke 4 years ago that left her with deficits (mainly in mobility). I am extremely concerned because our father practically drinks/sleeps all day, and has had frequent visits to the ER due to dehydration and low electrolytes, leaving my mom alone at home for days at a time (which she insists she can manage, but makes us nervous). They live in a rural area, about 2 hours away from the most ideal medical facilities. My brother and I have worked the past year trying to move them down to the valley, closer to hospitals and family that can help more regularly. However, the financials are tricky. Living solely on social security, they make too much for government assistance, yet cannot afford AL/IL. I fear for my mother, as my father's mental health and alcoholism is getting worse. She wants to move closer, but my father has sabotaged all of our efforts to get the ball rolling. What are my options at this point? Family members have suggested calling social services, but that seems like the point of no return.
A crash and burn is inevitable for your father. With no PoA it is true that your only recourse is calling APS. This will set the wheels in motion for the county to pursue guardianship for one or both of them, if the county thinks they are no competent as vulnerable adults. The the guardian will make all their care, placement, financial decisions and perform management duties of their affairs going forward. If they require Medicaid, the house will have a lien on it, if they own it. The family will not be privy to any more information (you will be locked out of all their accounts. But they will receive care and be protected and you can still carry on your relationship with them wherever they live.
Until then, you can call APS for a wellness check to be done, but unless they're living in total filth and grave danger, APS will probably say everything is fine. Go over and check on mom as often as possible, I suppose that's all you can do. And tell her to call you if she needs anything, day or night.
Wishing you the best of luck with a nerve wracking situation.
You really have no options. They are the ones with options. And they are not making use of them. As to making too much Social Security to get aid, that isn't really how it works. The nursing home or facility they are in will take the social security as partial payment and then medicaid will kick in. So placement is an option when it is needed.
If you feel your Mom is unsafe with your father it is likely time to open a case with APS to have an investigation and wellness check.