I live with my mother who has Alzheimers(I'm the caregiver)At times she thinks my father is still alive(he's been gone 7 yrs) and my 2 younger brothers live here-which they may call ( for 5 minutes)once a week or stop by once a month for a qiuck visit.
My mother every so often,is now saying she doesn't live here, and wants to go home. I tell her, she is home, but keeps insisting that she lives somewhere else and is not going to stay here. I'll call my brothers and tell them whats going on and they tell me- try and distract her into thinking something else-which for some reason she keeps bringing up about going home. Does anybody have that problem- which they found out how to handle it?
Yesterday, she said about going home-so I took her out driving for about an hour-and she said it's getting late we can find the place tommorrow.
This is driving me crazy-I've got 3 brothers and 1 sister and when I tell them I need help-they say your living there-your the caregiver-what a caring family I've got. I don't know what to do?
Jim
"Home" may be a physical location, such as where we live now, or where we lived when we were five years old (a memory), or a dear memory such as a grandparent's house.
"Home" may be a state of mind or routine--it's dinnertime, this is not my kitchen, I want to go home; again, based on memory, which all the dementia's affect.
"Home" may refer to people. If you have moved into my house to take care of me that's ok--we're "home". If you have a friend over to visit and I don't know or remember them, it's no longer my home. If you host a Christmas Party while your living with me and 25 people (relatives, strangers or friends is of no consequence--people make a crowd!) that's not ok and, though I've isolated myself in my recliner in my den, I want to go home (actually, all these people don't belong here so I must not be at home). In the same way being in a crowded location, such as the mall, a theater, or even a small restaurant (I've had that experience) may be. It's not so much I want to go home--to me, it's too crowded, too confusing, too overwhelming, get me out of here before I panic and cause a scene.......
To us, as patients, "Home" usually refers to a familiar setting where we feel safe. It may be our kitchen table, my recliner in my den, or a park bench where I like to watch the birds fly and the kids play. Your job, as caregiver or loved one, is to be supportive, don't argue, and try to figure out what in the world I'm thinking.
On behalf of all of us with dementia--I'm sorry, that's just our world. Welcome to it.
But as Mrranch2 says, welcome to our world, a weird, at times scary and rarely logical (in anyone else's world).
The one other point I forgot to include in my previous comments about "Home" is -- if the patient is 'end stage', regardless of what the rest of us want to hear or think, he/she may be saying "I want to go home" meaning "I'm ready to die".
Again, who knows. LBD is a totally different ball game, even if it is the second most popular of all the dementia's (a lot of us must have voted for it).
Like you and others, I too am overlyblessed/greedy, I say "some folk collect stamps, teapots, not me I collect autoimmune illnesses with side tracks into other stuff."
I do find that this approach makes it easier for other folk to accept what is wrong with me :~)
I enjoy your posts, as my diagnosis is new, though I've been living with LBD over 10 years it's good to read someone who absolutely knows what I mean. Sorry you have membership to the club though.
A friend recently told me he thought he saw my foster dad in his old neighborhood walking past his old house. I thought this must be impossible since he was previously placed into the Alzheimer's unit of a neighborhood nursing home, and usually when you end up there with dementia or Alzheimer's, you don't get discharged alive because you're there for the rest of your life. People don't usually come back from dementia or Alzheimer's. My friend did describe what my foster dad was wearing and that he was carrying a bag like he always did. He described the person was wearing gray hat and coat, but my foster dad always wore dark blue hat and coat. Perhaps the nursing home gave him new clothes and I would be very shocked if they found a way to reverse dementia or Alzheimer's if I happened to see dad in his right mind again and once again living on his own. When I heard what my friend had to say, I was not only shocked but in disbelief knowing what many people know about this disease. I'm sure if not only my foster dad but other patients were somehow cured, I'm sure there'd be an awful lot of shocked people. I'm sure many people know there's already research being done for a cure, but I'm sure if that cure came, it'll probably come when most people aren't even expecting it. This is why I'm sure that if a cure unexpectedly came, this is what'll shock many people, because most people won't be expecting it and they'll be in shock and disbelief. Finally, I'm sure many people will be wondering where the cure was and why it wasn't here sooner since it could've saved so many lives all along