How do you deal with being treated like an employee because you were given a gift card as a thank you for your contribution to a needful situation? I am utterly stumped how I should respond to the gifter of this 20.00 gift card when I have done what I have because I saw a need and I felt like I could help when I did not see anyone else stepping up to take responsibility.
I have spent untold hours, many miles on my vehicle and usually 2 meals paid for by myself on the days I am helping my friend. A full day every week for months now.
Now her family thinks that they can tell me what I need to do, how I need to do it, multiple times a week demanding that I do errands and all because they gave me a thank you of a 20.00 gift card. When I tell them I am not going to do it, they tell me that I have been paid and I need to do what they tell me, not even giving me the courtesy of asking.
How do you respond to the shear absurdity of this? I love my friend and I don't want to abandon her, but the multiple demanding texts and calls daily are just over the top. Is this normal in anyone's experience?
Thank you for sharing how you would address the nonsense of being viewed as an employee because you were given a 20.00 gift card.
Break contact with the manipulative family.
This stupidity has not changed our weekly outings. They just want more and I don't have any more time to give. She never asks me for more than our weekly day, she has only changed the day 2xs because she couldn't get her doctor to schedule her for our regular day.
Thank you for your input, I appreciate it.
Just coming back to add - if some of them have been lead to believe that you are being paid that could be a reason they don't feel a need to step up.
I will continue to help her weekly, because she needs it and I love her. If they ever step up then I will deal with the situation for what it is.
Thank you for your input.
You could say to them, "While I do appreciate the gift, in the future you (all of you) might want to give your time and money to your Mom to help her yourselves."
I will not be communicating with any of them. I will help my friend weekly and avoid her family like the plague.
Then it's a misunderstanding that can be unraveled.
Three actually said we are the ones that are paying you, we know that mom isn't giving you money.
I did say that I don't consider a gift card given as a thank you qualifies as any type of payment for what I have done.
Anyone who thinks a cheap gift card means servitude is beyond having a conversation or reasoning with.
ITRR, I’ve gotta ask you.... to what biz was the gift card? Target? or Tractor Supply? Please share!
When you do things for people you expect thanks and gratefulness and all that stuff, but the REALITY is that when you do things for people they come to EXPECT that A) You are doing this because you WANT to and B) It is a given: this is what you WISH TO DO.
So now the question becomes WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? Because as Dear Dr. Phil always says "You are getting something out of this" and I don't mean a 20.00 gift card which has very little to do with any of this.
Here is what I would do. I would say to the giver of the card "I so appreciate the gift of the card. That was lovely. But I do have to tell you that I am just not going to have the time going forward that I thought I had. I just wanted to warn you that I will no longer be available to BLAH BLAH BLAH".
End of story.
I will tell you a little story. I had a friend who had a girlfriend (gay couple). They were living together and my friend was the "caregiver". She earned the money as a nurse for the household. She took her friend everywhere, did everything for her, including the cleaning and the cooking. Then, suddenly, my friend became ill. And that girlfriend of hers? She marched right on out of the house. My friend went to a therapist who set her straight the cheap and honest way--honesty. She said to my friend, "You know, YOU broke the contract. This was the contract. You do everything, and she lets your adore her. Now you want HER to do something? That wasn't ever the contract".
So I will tell you, you wrote your own contract. Now, don't sign up for another tour unless you want a "thank you for your service" and a 20.00 gift card here and there.
Wishing you the best going forward. Do only those things you WANT to do for your own reasons, whatever they are. Stop doing them with expectations going forward. And chalk this up to a wonderful lesson. Life is full of them.
She needs assistance and I refuse to walk away from her needs because her kids are whacked.
How do you return an Amazon gift card that was sent via email?
And no, it's not normal behavior at ALL to give a small token gift to someone and then expect all sorts of services as payback! In fact, my DH once cut down a bunch of tree branches for a neighbor after a storm when the neighbor was out of town. When he returned to find the tree taken care of, he gave my DH a $40 gift card to Texas Roadhouse as a 'thank you'. He didn't start telling my DH what other chores he could do for him in return! LOL
It's too bad they're taking advantage of your kindness like this.
Say what you said here, you saw a need and because it was a friend you did not mind helping. You took the Card as a thank you gift. That does not make you an employee. And if it does, you have already worked off that $20. Tell them it would have cost them more than $20 to hire someone a day to do what you have done. Guess that saying fits in this situation.
"No good deed goes unpunished" Stick by your guns. Do you feel comfortable in telling ur friend what is going on?
It is funny that you mention the 20.00 paying for the meals that I buy her. I don't get out of a restaurant for less then 35 bucks a pop when I take her. She eats like she is starving and then takes the leftovers from both meals. I am happy to do it, I think that I would worry that she isn't eating properly if I didn't personally help her get groceries, bring her homemade frozen dinners and take her to eat.
I truly wish that everyone had someone that cared about their wellbeing and was willing to step in the gap.
Oops, she knows some of what is going on, but I really do not want to get involved where her children are involved. She loves them and she only sees them through that love. I am hoping to find a way to keep them away from what I do for her.
Thank you for bringing that up.
I have tried to explain that I am not going to be able to do what they want done. I am talking to deaf people apparently. They acknowledge what I say and turn around and send an email or text telling me that I need to pick her up or go to the grocery or.....
Her cousin told me that I was the only one that she could count on to help her.
Makes me very sad for my friend.
PS Is there any possibility of there having BEEN a misunderstanding? Might anyone in the family have somehow got hold of the mistaken idea that you are your friend's paid caregiver?
"I'm being paid? Am I a W-2 or 1099 employee?"
"Here is the phone number of a careging agency. Please use your mother's funds to hire her the help she needs. I can only be available to visit one day a week, when my schedule allows".
She needs transportation she is healthy and active, she doesn't need a caregiver.
What nerve these people have ordering you around. I imaging you still want to keep in touch with your friend to see how she's doing. Otherwise, I'd suggest you tell her kids to go pound sand, and take the $20 and stuff it where the sun doesn't shine.
I can't just walk away and not worry about if she has groceries or anything because her kids are whacked.
That is why I had made it a point to never receive money for the care giving that was thrust upon me through default. The family did pay me a large amount once after a day of deep house cleaning, done out of love. I tried to return it to the POA person.
I stopped cleaning after that, mostly because I could not physically recover from the pain of over-exerting. And, it would have been unspoken, "she will do it!".
The whole circumstance was one hot mess for 4 + years. I could never tell the story here, as I was referring the families here to educate themselves on caregiving issues.
There were 3 sets of adult children, 6 in all telling me what to do.
Yeah, being considered an employee because of a 20.00 gift card, given specifically as a thank you has really thrown me for a loop. It is definitely screwy thinking.