Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
I think that it may be not the best move to assume the worst. Your brothers and sisters may have woken up to your mother's situation, and are feeling bad that they have been so unaware and 'hands off'. Perhaps they are indeed acting from bad motives about their own inheritance, but accusing them of that (without more information) is not going to make life any easier for you, your mother or them. Perhaps it would be better to say that you have always been willing to provide more information. Please could they let you know what they want to know about, and why? Say that 'why' will make it easier for you to explain the things they really want to understand. You always have the option to get stroppy if things go badly, but you don't have the option to go back if everyone gets upset unnecessarily.
Helpful Answer (13)
Report
bicycler Jan 2019
There are many good answers for Pepper1, but I think yours is the best. I hope to remember to use your advice next time my otherwise uninvolved siblings ask about my Dad's finances, i.e. to ask them why they want to know and to tell them that knowing why will help me more clearly explain exactly what they want to know. Thank you for the advice, MargaretMcKen.
(1)
Report
I would point blank ask them why they are only interested in mom's financial information and not mom's health! In your shoes, I would spend every dime she had (on her, of course!) so they wouldn't inherit anything.
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

If you were to provide siblings with all (or any) of Mom's bank statements you would become incompetent to handle her affairs. So, do not yield to this pressure from your siblings. Stand strong.

What do you think is their motivation(s)?

Please send for Mom's credit reports from all 3 credit reporting agencies to keep an eye on her financial security. (free once a year in the U.S.).

You have got this! Good that you asked your question! Caregivers can understand why you asked this question. The pressure can be tremendous, yes?
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
ThereIsNoTry Jan 2019
You can request credit reports for ppl other than yourself?
(1)
Report
See 2 more replies
Tell them her private financial information is kept private to avoid identity theft.
Ask them to put any request for financial information in detail, and in writing, and you will forward to Mom's attorney. Tell them you can give her attorney permission for them to talk with the attorney by appointment, but at their own expense.
Tell them since they do not visit, or assist with caregiving, their motivation for asking is suspect.
Tell them that ALL of Mom's income and assets are for her own use, there is NONE to share with family.
Helpful Answer (9)
Report
pepper1 Jan 2019
Mom doesn't have a private attorney.  Can I ask this question to the last probate court attorney she had?
(4)
Report
See 1 more reply
How did this all surface?

You have in fact been providing them with information. Which you can point to, reports 1-7, in a row, voilà. You can also repeat - and repeat is the operative word - your invitation to them to ask you, should they have any additional questions.

Clearly, you have not been doing anything wrong, therefore you are not the problem. What is it they are feeling aggrieved about and why has it only now become an issue?

No do not provide them with your mother's bank statements. These are usually marked 'private and confidential' on their envelopes, and so indeed they are, and as your mother's representative and guardian you have a duty to protect her data.

However, that does not mean that you cannot share information you think it right for them to know, and answer their reasonable questions. Perhaps they would like to put some to you?

Goodness I know I would find it hard to keep my temper and refrain from sarcasm, but from the tone of your post I think you're probably a better-natured person than I am. Hugs.
Helpful Answer (10)
Report

No. You POA responsibility means you keep her information private. It is your choice to provide anything in addition. Showing them what they want to see could alleviate some issues, but may also escalate and increase the problems as they may start to criticize how you are spending her money. What about her attorney sending them each a letter that explains your duties.
Helpful Answer (18)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter